happy.. things are looking good!


HMM..
alright.. i take it back..

我正在了解　这世界　让每天成为新的起点
我会　走向前　不让自己再回到昨天

i'm sorry.. sorry for messing up.. for giving so much trouble..

To learn they cannot make anyone
love them. All they can do
is let themselves be loved.

To learn that it is not good
to compare themselves to others.

To learn to forgive
by practicing forgiveness.

To learn that it only takes a few seconds
to open profound wounds in those they love,
and it can take many years to heal them.

To learn that a rich person
is not one who has the most,
but is one who needs the least.

To learn that there are people
who love them dearly,
but simply have not yet learned
how to express or show their feelings.

To learn that two people can
look at the same thing
and see it differently.

To learn that it is not enough that they
forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves.



i have much to learn..

i remember the times when my mum would tell me that she turned down headhunters' offers of better job positions cos she was afraid that she wasn't capable and that she don't think she was up to those jobs.. citing that she is just a sec sch educated, that her spoken and written english is very lousy.. and i also remembered i told her that she should have taken them up for i think that she can handle them and that she has a very good attitude towards work and things like english can be trained.. and that she should have more confidence in herself and that since ppl see that she has potential for the job she should at least have tried it..

never would i have thot that one day i would face a similar scenario that my mum had and did the same thing that she did.. and i didn't know how little confidence i have in my capabilities until i was standing up there .. not knowing wat to say.. and all i could feel were my insecurities..

you've asked if i have any regrets.. yes, i have.. i regret not giving myself a chance.. i regret letting down the ppl who thot that i could do it.. i regret not having faith in myself.. and in the ppl who believed in me.. and i am very sorry.. sorry that i disappointed..

if there was anyway i could reverse time...
but i couldn't..

好后悔好伤心想重来行不行
再一次我就不会走向这样的结局
好后悔好伤心谁把我放回去
我愿意付出所有来换一个时光机

i'm sorry for not trying..

think i had a mini breakdown just now..

sigh.. well.. think i brought it upon myself.. the 'should have's...



i really SHOULD HAVE finished adol paper earlier..

i

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

i

简单爱

说不上为什么 我变得很主动
若爱上一个人 什么都会值得去做
我想大声宣布 对妳依依不舍
连隔壁邻居都猜到我现在的感受
河边的风 在吹着头发飘动
牵着妳的手 一阵莫名感动
我想带妳 回我的外婆家
一起看着日落 一直到我们都睡着
我想就这样牵着妳的手不放开
爱能不能够永远单纯没有悲哀
我 想带妳骑单车 我 想和妳看棒球 心意
想这样没担忧 唱着歌 一直走
我想就这样牵着妳的手不放开
爱可不可以简简单单没有伤害
妳 靠着我的肩膀 妳 在我胸口睡着
像这样的生活 我爱妳 妳爱我
想 简！简！单！单！ 爱
想 简！简！单！单！ 爱

a simple love.. a simple life.. possible?
simplicity is so hard to attain..
life is never so simple...
maybe that's why i like this song..
the simple things in life that we yearn for..

i love maths cos its so definite..

spent some time thinking today.. fruitful.. clearer..

though end up with more things to ponder about, they are non-conclusive kinds.. so.. yar.. need to keep them in mind.. a check list for me.. i guess.. something to work towards..



still haven't been doing adol critique..

yesterday was a hectic day.. with 3 jap lessons and agm to top it off...

alittle disappointed by the turn out of the agm.. had fewer ppl than expected.. time was a constrain.. think longer pub time needed.. and as wat many had said yesterday.. need to find ways to attract ppl..

loved the video.. thanks chris.. didn't know we had so many weird and funny photos.. think it worked right? ;p

standing in front of the LT and talking to a grp of ppl using a mic is quite unnerving.. half the things i think about when i was sitting down was forgotten once i take hold of the mic and stand in front.. felt alittle clumsy standing there not knowing wat to say..

haha.. i think i know why they say i sound drunk.. but really.. this is wat i am like when i am talking seriously and when i am thinking things thru in my head and trying to articulate them out.. and i tend not to speak too clearly when i say them.. think they associate it with me being drunk cos after some drinks i tend to talk about serious stuff.. but they all think i talking gibberish cos i usually don't do that..

anyway.. hope i didn't sound stupid when answering the qns..

right.. according to cheryl.. i looked like a flasher and sound drunk when i made my speech during the annual general meeting of the society...


more updates on agm hopefully..

love sim.. definitely my fav lecturer..

adol paper.. how to finish on time? i have no idea..

i should start charging for all the wake up calls that i give...

and also charge ppl for letting me wait..

happy happy birthday to sharon!!

haha.. like wat kyle says '9 more yrs to expiry date..'

very sorry u have to wait for ur present..


why am i typing this? cos today is the first time this sem that i brought my laptop to sch!! haha.. ok enuf of my sleep deprived state post... too high liao..

if everyday was like yesterday.. can i survive one yr of it?

i
definitely not a happy day today.. and not a productive one either..
i

counting down to the day i step down and step up again..

happy? sad? anxious? i don't know... just hope it comes quickly and ends quickly.. cos most of the unknown will be cleared out, allowing me to make my choice..

feelings of being in the old comm and running for the new one..

hopeful.. see alot of wat can be done with time to plan, enuf manpower.. a new start.. alot of responsibility for new comm.. little unsure of how/wat i can contribute.. need to work out my thots more.. alot to think about...

alittle sense of loss.. cos ppl that i have been working with for the past half a yr will no longer be there in the comm.. everyone seems to be looking forward to the day they hand over.. but for me.. it is still a qn mark.. celebration? don't know.. definitely happy for them.. for me, maybe too.. a bit hard to share that feeling with someone cos no one's in the same situation as me..

well.. to end.. putting up a phase that i have been hearing quite often recently.. 'see how ah.. see how..'

oh my.. i really have been pms-ing these past few days..

do i think too little about things?

just realised how uneasy ppl get when i stop talking for long period of time.. but just wasn't in the mood to.. talking seems to take up alot of energy today.. haha.. maybe mood swing ah.. don't know..


i wonder how i would be able to reach tampines on time with two bodies..


cheryl is the crappiest woman i have ever met.. daphne... if u ever do read this... she is more crappy than me! though she says that u won't believe it..

not in the mood to do anything.. very sian..

i have no idea why i must go check the newspaper just to see who is the one person who was expelled from fass.. and it is like 1 in 5000 ppl.. not like i would know the person right? so wat if i bochap? u don't have to be so sarcastic..

been hitting the bed for the past two day once i reached home..


disapponted by the outcome.. but still laughing at the 'for the record, i wasn't waving at him'..


felt like a sore thumb at the 'get together'.. a couple of stressful moments but pulled thru with some stupid comments and dongdong's help.. though i would not have been in them without his 'help' too.. haha.. well.. it's ok.. had a good time chitchatting after the official time passed..

and again.. we can see the huge difference between the two depts.. the level of support given.. sigh.. maybe they really do bleed ice..

capability comes with doing..
u will never know if u r capable till u start doing it..
and only when u do it..
if u fail..
then do it again..
learning is never gonna stop in life..
if u done well.
then hey..shows that you had wat it takes..
and perhaps more than wat u tot of yourself


something vi told me some time before.. been wanting to put it up but kept forgetting..

the tiredness still has not left me.. for don't know wat reason, been having the urge to sleep and sleep.. sharon says my body is smart.. cos it knows that it is not going to have one yr of sleep so it is stocking up..

and.. yar.. sch had started for a month and i still do not feel like the sem has started.. seem to be like floating about for class.. and yar.. lagging behind readings as usual.. need to get back to sch mode.. and finish my critque and other papers soon before the shit starts pouring down..

finally, after the long wait.. it is approved.. very happy for cheryl cos she has been waiting for it for so long..

9 more days to her freedom.. not totally but half the weight will be off her shoulders and land on, hopefully, ten capable ppl..

and some reminded me that it would be 9 days to the start of my 1 yr in hell..

but still.. glad that things are moving.. the future is still unknown... anything may happen.. but for now.. just happy..

even though arrows were not really shot but just a miscommunication.. it got me thinking.. can i take one yr of this? one yr of being thrown things that i may not have answers for but still am expected to solve them?

well.. at least i can have ppl to turn to when it happens... at least luckier than boss who had to handle them all by herself..

like wat my bro say.. there is alot of things that i need to learn..

sometimes... i feel that my bro is older than me.. more worldly.. and i on the other hand, had lived on my own little planet for too long..

my wisdom tooth has been bugging me for quite some time.. kept growing and stopping.. and everytime when they grow, the gum swells.. eating is a chore... hard to enjoy..


amazing that we could have finished buying wat we wanted before class starts... alright.. we were half an hr late.. but haha.. very lucky considering our predicament then..

walking from sci to arts to get a cab and go to pasir ris is no fun.. and my goodness.. very ex.. which reminds me.. need to pay shar..

staying over was great.. especially got food when we all were starving.. fell asleep on the chair half way thru the night.. cannot make it.. very tired..


don't know why still so tired.. the other day also fell asleep while waiting for ppl to reply me.. body half slumped over my chair, the bed and a stool..

think i turning into my body..

have been feeling quite tired this week.. as if my energy is leaking out from somewhere..

maybe it was the late nights... maybe it was jap tutorials.. maybe it was the arrows that are flying around..


interesting thing someone said to me today.. 'don't mind means there is an element of wanting in it'

true..

why would i want? a qn that i have been asking myself ever since i have decided.. the ans still eludes me..


i need some good rest.. to clear my head.. think about the issues that i have put aside for so long.. and go qn myself about wat i want to do..

finding my balance between soc stuff and school work..

more arrows.. getting used to it already..

like wat i have told some ppl.. my decision was made, not very long ago but.. yar.. was made.... just have to think thru some things and making sure..

darren's my new best friend!!

alot of arrows flying in my direction... good or bad?

flight 93.. courage..

21hrs of sleep concludes prep camp for me..


a fun and crazy night..

project presentation was good.. alot of fresh and interesting ideas to listen to.. glad i was there.. though alittle sad i miss forensics... but was worth it..

walking around school at night was refreshing.. love the coolness and calmness that the night brings to me..


alot of fun / funny moments..

our bimbotic moments at the bread dispensing machine...

my super high-ness throughout the night..

poking body when she least expected.. her scream can wake up the dead i swear..

drinking chocolate milk that taste like goat milk.. and laughing our heads of at the thought of 'goat milk'..

competing with louisa at brisk walking up the long long slope..

chasing after disgusting ppl who took the car with a slipper in my hand..

the expressions that ppl give when they can't talk was damn amusing.. very hard to not to laugh out loud when u are not allowed to talk..

watching cheryl laugh nonstop while sitting at macs eating breakfast.. she siao liao.. completely lost it..




we shall see wat happens at agm..

sleeping at 5am and waking up at 7 plus am... plus 3 lessons of jap...and project discussion till 9 plus pm... is not good..

think i'm certified brain dead..