It is such an irony to receive your concern now that we are no longer friends.. when the reason why I decided to stop being friends with you was becos of your lack of concern..

When I need it the most, it didn't come.. when I turn my head and walk away... it is given to me.. but it is too little too late.. n receiving it now only makes me sad..

it feels like a roller coaster ride..

one day i'm up.. another day i'm down.. but there's something that doesn't leave you when you are strapped on to the roller coaster..

the fear and the anticipation of the next turn..

how long can someone stay in a roller coaster locked in by fear or.. elated by the rush of the winds?

i think i have hit and surpasss my limit.. to burst out crying more than 3 times in the span of 2 days is totally a new record for me.

is this healthy? i ask myself.. is this wat i want? is this wat i'm willing to put myself through? is this how life is supposed to be? is this how we build ourselves to be better people? is it masochistic? when do i know enuf is enuf? or is there an enuf? or life is just about constantly stretching yourself? where will we end up? how far to stretch? wat is the reward? wat am i living for? am i happy?

many many many questions popped into my head these days.. on some days.. i just want to throw everything away and heck it.. other days.. i wish i had a brick in my hand so that i can smash people's head with it.. and there are also some days whereby i find the strength to carry on what i'm doing..

so wat does it mean then? where do i go now?