i've been missing you a lot this past yr.. ever since we started to sporadic chat and decide to be less like strangers.. i guess it's worse knowing that technically i could now chat with you but yet not chatting with you.. cos it had been a long time and i have no idea how to get us back to the time when conversations were random and easy, deep and meaningful, fun and light..

i guess that's why i missed you more this past yr than when i know there could be no way for us to hold any sort of conversation.. hope is a horrible emotion to feel.. it makes you want things that you have no idea how to get..

i seem to revisit the compartment that i had placed you in all these years more often recently.. i guess to me, you were a catalyst for change in my life, you gave me a sense of clarity that i could never get when i'm trying to sort out my own thots, you gave me hints of how to find my own way, you made me feel understood and not alone..

and i guess that's why i missed our friendship more this past yr.. cos if i were to summarize this past yr into one word.. it would be LOST.

it's not really about missing you just cos i believe you are probably the only person that i know of who could help me out of this fog that my mind is in.. it's missing the interactions that we used to have.. the thots that we share that sometimes spur us to think in other ways that we have not considered before.. the bimbo-ness and the lame ass jokes that crack us up until we are breathing like two people who just had an asthma attack.. the mutual commiseration over encountering things/people that make our blood boil and question our sanity..

i miss having someone who can read me like a book.. who appreciates me for who i am and what i can give.. who be there and offer support and protection when i don't even know i needed them..