freaky..

astro report:
Take time to learn the art of acquiescence -- that is, of finding a way to accommodate others for the sake of progress. If you're normally of a take-charge, dominating nature, this will be difficult. But even if you are generally a dominating person, you should respond to the need for expediency: Sometimes it's better to speed things up so everything can move forward rather than stagnating. This may be a humbling experience for you, but if you can manage to back down or step aside, it will be a valuable lesson. Take this experience as an opportunity to look for flaws in your thinking or course of action, to remedy any errors you've made and to get your attitude in line in terms of how you're reacting emotionally to the situation at hand. Be open to humility; remember that you can't be correct, efficient or clear-headed all the time, and this is likely to be one of the times when you aren't. If you resist the lessons of this time, if you try to exert your will against the opposition, you'll find it doesn't work -- and you'll be filled with a general sense of static or dissonance. Loosening up is the best idea.

am i really that accurate?

i need a bigger sample size.. but my method too tedious and too long a time period needed.. and some bit of luck..

i received a news that i think anyone would at least have some reaction to.. but i felt nothing..

i wonder if i will ever receive a news that is shocking.. not that i foresaw the news that came.. it was a time bomb that was waiting to happen..

just..

it makes me wonder yet again if i have the capacity to feel any emotions.. why i don't get upset.. why i don't feel worried..

my mind and heart's so calm as if i didn't even get the news.. it's scary.. i think i'm scary.. like some heartless creature..

how is it that i can feel more for a social construct than for human beings in flesh and blood.. i have no idea..

it has been a long night..

i'm thinking.. but.. there's nothing to think about.. or maybe i don't know where to start thinking from.. or wat is there to think about...

hmm...

clueless..

hmm.. come to think of it.. i'm graduating.. it's good! haha..

looking forward to find a job i love..

why do i always have itchy hand to go and do the horoscope/astro/tarot stuff that i see on my friend's blog..

You are The Lovers

Motive, power, and action, arising from Inspiration and Impulse.

The Lovers represents intuition and inspiration. Very often a choice needs to be made.

Originally, this card was called just LOVE. And that's actually more apt than "Lovers." Love follows in this sequence of growth and maturity. And, coming after the Emperor, who is about control, it is a radical change in perspective. LOVE is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can't understand; it makes you surrender control to a higher power. And that is what this card is all about. Finding something or someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist. This card indicates that the you have or will come across a person, career, challenge or thing that you will fall in love with. You will know instinctively that you must have this, even if it means diverging from your chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it you will never be complete.

was looking at this comic strip.. want to upload but cannot copyright.. so.. bear with the words..


the comic strip..

1. jon was reading newspaper that was placed on the table..

2. garfield came walking by and sat squarely on the newspaper jon was reading..

3. jon, being unable to read the papers.. shouted at garfield to get off his newspaper..

4. garfield replied saying 'you know, all u had to do was ask. there's no need to lose ur temper.'

5. and it ended with garfield leaving the newspaper.. and jon was left with a newspaper that is in strips of curls..


well.. wat to say..

firstly.. true.. most of the time, ppl just have to ask nicely and things will be done to the way they requested.. note... it is requested.. not demanded.. not threatened.. not ordered.. but most ppl just won't do it the nice way.. even i am guilty of it sometimes..

and.. very naturally.. when u don't do it the nice way when u could have.. the end result is most likely to be that of the ripped newspaper that jon got back in the end..

that's life.. shown in a simple way thru a comic strip..


hope it serves as a reminder to everyone.. i'll definitely keep it in mind..

the funny reasons that ppl give... don't they even blush at the absurdity of it all..

totally amused.. totally.. i'm just shy of giving up the idea that things will get done with them around..

i guess... one person's strength isn't enuf.. a black hole..



*for friends who are reading this (as in ppl like shar, nott, nanana.. not those who stalk me without me knowing)... may there be highlights for u to see the truth.. hahahha

had the weirdest night....

sitting at a bus stop with a friend who's on the phone, talking about her physical progression with guys and later on progress to talk about the experiences that her other friends have shared with her, is so..... i don't know wat to say.. all i could do is to hum a tune repeatedly to entertain myself and try not to remember wat she said.. too much info.. and especially when her friends that she talked about are those that i have seen before.. i wonder wat images i will have if i see them again.. ok, better not think..

and later on....

standing in front of a guy friend and a gal friend, listening to the gal friend telling the guy friend about my cup size and how good i look in a plunging neckline dress, is so... yar.. lost of words.. it got worst when she said she think i look bigger than the size i said i was.. faint.. think the guy kenna dissonance.. and he didn't know how to continue with the convo.. haha.. now.. that was the only funny part from how i saw it..

no more late night coffee outings when my gal friend is tired and sprouting rubbish..

maybe being able to physically leave a place is a good thing.. emotional bagagges can be left behind as u leave the place behind..

i need to remember to put them down when the time comes..
and don't look back..

perceptions.. wat do i say about them?

i have a love hate r/s with them..

matters of the heart and mind... things which i cannot fathom..

why are things so complex?

or should i ask... why do ppl see things as so complex?


i'm a simple minded gal that wants a simple life...


i can take it.. but.. it's tiring.. to always be thinking in other ppl's shoes.. sometimes i feel like saying.. get the hell out.. why do i have to be the one to understand... to take a step back so that u can take a step forward.. why must i be mature and live and let live.. i want to be unreasonable, irrational and illogical..

i want to be a brat.. i don't want to care about consequence...


ignore me.. i'm ranting..

will hit big bird once i'm done and be kuku and happy again..

July.. a month of leaving..

With casey and cai’s departure last fri… vi flying off last sat.. and graduation of nott and all last sun..

Hmm.. maybe should change it to the week of leaving..

k.. jokes aside..

goodbyes.. I’m never good with them.. never knew wat to say or wat to do..

maybe a part of me wishes that it’s not true that they are not leaving.. or the other part of me which says.. yes, they are leaving, but this is not the end.. we will still meet and we are still there for each other even though we are physically worlds apart..

yet still there is another part of me that fears that I would burst out crying while saying goodbyes.. and the thought that we might not cross each others’ paths again..

its just too unbearable I guess.. that’s why I’d rather stand in one corner and not say anything.. not wanting to take about the future and give promises of meeting up at whichever date or time.. I don’t want to be disappointed when that day comes and we all could not be there..

still living in denial that I’m graduating at the end of the year.. there is so much I want to do.. so many things I want to try.. so many ppl that I want to spend more time with..

left with 5 months.. where to spend it on?

it's so easy to chuck things into a corner and not think about them..

it's even better when i'm a very forgetful person..


not a very easy feat when..

1. the things u want to chuck into a corner are very salient
2. they keep popping up in almost every conversation that u have..
3. they keep coming out of their corner and stare at u in the face..


chucking..

it only takes the simplest words to touch the hearts..

another year of memories to add to the old ones..

alot of thots and reflections..

just realised that it's my last camp too.. hah.. kept thinking that i'll be participating in the future camps forever..

last one.. sounds so final..

i don't want to leave too..