blogging is cathartic.. i feel better already..

sometimes.. u need to face your own feelings and thoughts before you can let some things go.. and i guess the hardest to do.. is to face the person/situation and be brutally honest about wat happened..

learning and growing..


something i read in a book.. modified it slightly..

don't look - i might see wat i don't want to see
don't listen - i might hear wat i don't want to hear
don't think - i might learn wat i don't want to know
don't choose or make a decision - i might regret
don't walk - i might stumble
don't run - i might fall
don't live - i might die

ignorance is bliss? haha.. best not become a pessimist..

ah~~~... i miss laughing at/and doing/saying stupid things..

it made me realised how tense up i have been for the pass week... guess i have been holding my breathe the whole of the week while rushing from meetings to meetings.. morning to night..

so great just to relax with a few friends.. bitching and updating... though short.. but.. enuf to last another wk or two.. hahha

wanted to blog about some random convo that i caught on the bus ride that i was on a few days ago.. but kept forgetting.. and now it's left in bits and pieces..

very interesting cos it was a convo b/w two friends who just grad like not long.. a few yrs.. and their chat on their friends and work...

wonder if i would end up like them...

i bought cai fan from downstairs today..

i asked my ma to buy dinner..

and guess wat..

she bought the same liao4 as i did..

hahaha.. shows that she knows wat i like.. to be able to pick the same liao4 from 20 diff kinds...

waiting..

why do ppl wait?

ppl wait for the things they want.. be it a person they want to meet.. something they want to see or have..

to me.. the amount of time, effort and energy spent on waiting equates to the importance of watever i'm waiting for..

waiting: To remain or rest in expectation

i guess expectation is the key in the above definition.. when it's not met i guess i can say that the person who waited, wasted his/her time, effort, etc..

well.. waiting or not.. it's a personal choice.. and i guess only i can know whether it's worth the wait..

waiting requires patience..

patience: an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay

and that is something i seem to be losing.. i don't know.. i guess i'm just getting tired cos i'm alway waiting.. 22yrs of waiting for various things and ppl...

sometimes i wonder all the waiting i did in the past.. was it worth it.. wat happens when i don't wait.. wat happens if i just run my pace without caring if i left anyone or anything behind.. but i always couldn't bring myself to do that.. cos i'll always be asking myself this qn... wat if i miss something that could have been the most impt part of my life?

so i guess... waiting will still very much be a part time job of mine.. just that i need to cultivate my patience.. and be able to accept that though i've waited, i may not get wat i've been waiting for..

two chances i missed.. just because i'm trying to prove that i can do it.. for the ego.. and wat do i get in the end?

i have no idea..

i guess today's just not my day.. even the weather's against me.. hot like hell..

why do i still do it time and time again even though the same thing gets thrown back at me?

i don't understand..



slightly depressing to come home to see some celebration downstairs that is too loud, the house is empty and i am hungry..

meetings and meetings... there goes my recess wk..

hmm...

maybe i do mind..




anyway... nott and i talk too much crap at night.. haha.. singtel should bar our calls to each other.. otherwise the telephone cables might spoil with overload of bhb-ness and lame-ness..



and.. i think i deserve a pat on the shoulders for a job well done today.. hhahahaha...



erm.. hhaha... i need sleep.. i edited the previous line... the unedited version was 'a pat on the head'.. wahahahahha

miss dickman is 22!!!

but that does not mean that she grew any wiser.. or should i say... less bimbotic..


incident a few hrs ago..

i was commenting on a couple that i saw while we started walking aimlessly in vivo.. after walking around for sometime.. i commented on them again when i saw the guy without his gf..

sharon was very amused and said.. 'how come u observe until like that.. for a person who is says she is so.... wat's the word u describe urself? the D word.. the two syllable D word..' (convo was cut short and edited to facilitate understanding)

we were guessing our head off for some time before it dawned on me wat that word could have been... and i asked her.. 'is the word oblivious that u are looking for?'

and she went.. 'yar!!!'

i swear if we could pengz like the characters in the anime... we would..

tell me.. how is oblivious a D word that is two syllable?

maybe it can only be found in her dictionary.. haha

Your Score: 9 - the Peacemaker

your Enneagram type is NINE (aka "The Mediator")

"I am at peace"

Peacemakers are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them.


How to Get Along with Me

• If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure.


• I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advantage of this.


• Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit.


• Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally.


• Ask me questions to help me get clear.


• Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery.


• Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings.


• I like a good discussion but not a confrontation.


• Let me know you like what I've done or said.


• Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life.

What I Like About Being a NINE

• being nonjudgmental and accepting


• caring for and being concerned about others


• being able to relax and have a good time


• knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around


• my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator


• my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now


• being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe

What's Hard About Being a NINE

• being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive


• being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline


• being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally


• being confused about what I really want


• caring too much about what others will think of me


• not being listened to or taken seriously

NINEs as Children Often

• feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant
  


• tune out a lot, especially when others argue


• are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves
  

NINEs as Parents

• are supportive, kind, and warm


• are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective

hmm... i guess over doing things can be irritating..

though u don't read blogs.. but i just want to say that i am a tad annoyed of ur antics... one time, it's called funny... but again and again.. that's very bo liao..

and i realised that i have been reducing contact with u... cos... i can't stand it..

i might just cease to be anywhere near u.. whenever i have the choice..

i am going to start mugging!!!

well.. already started reading articles lar.. hahha counted?

cybercrime exam coming up.. so.. 5 lectures to read..

lab in social (so not going to call it lab in person and grp cog.. no relevance) proposal... it's journal article digging time..

lab in memory and cog proposal.. idea!!! journals!!

so yes.. alot to read..

i am going to camp in sch weekday nights and weekends.. want to join me?

haha.. tingting is turning into a mugger..

very random post..

the store is very cold today..

it's very odd that now's the fifth week of sch.. i haven't even had the feeling that school started..

i've been getting in the habit of being late.. is it when i give up on the possibility that ppl will be punctual that i lose my ability to keep time?

i'm still unable to say wat i have to say when i don't feel it.. how to feel it and then say it? my inability to feel has worsen..

everyday seems to pass in a blur.. no anticipation.. nothing to look forward too.. gosh.. i sound love sick.. hahha

brings me back to the point about wat's the pt in doing the things that i'm doing... to wat ends.. thru wat means.. i have no idea.. i'm doing cos if i don't do... i know nothing else to do..

i'm dropping.. dropping back to my baseline.. save me..

hmm...

it's the fifth week of school... wat have i been doing?

school doesn't feel quite like school.. i don't feel like i'm a student..


side note... i love ramadhar.. i think he reminds me of how much i used to love studying and learning...

i pick nabs over anyone else..

he's so lovable!! haha..

learn from it..

that's all i can say..

put the feelings aside and look at it objectively..

i'm glad i'm blessed with retarded emotions..



haha.. think i'm getting better at this.. less than an hr to get my thinking side back up..

wat i want may not be wat other ppl want..

many a times i've been a smart alec.. imposing wat i think is best and right onto others..

irony...or should i say scary.. i'm actually quite like my dad..

something that i have tried not to be for the past 22yrs... i end up becoming.. wat a joke..

it will prob hurt for quite a long time..

i guess i deserved it..

"Nobody's Home" - Avril Lavigne

well I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
she felt it, every day
and I couldn't help her
I just watched her make the same mistakes again
whats wrong whats wrong now
too many too many problems
don't know where she belongs
where she belongs

she wants to go home
but nobodys home
thats where she lies broken inside
no place to go, no place to go
to dry her eyes broken inside

open your eyes
and look outside
find the reasons why
you've been rejected
and now you can't find what you've left behind
be strong be strong now
too many too many problems
dont' know where she belongs
where she belongs

she wants to go home
but nobodys home
thats where she lies broken inside
no place to go, no place to go
to dry her eyes broken inside

her feelings she hides
her dreams she can't find
she's losing her mind
she's falling behind
she can't find her place
she's losing her faith
she's falling from grace
she's all over the place

yeah (yeah)

chorus again

she's lost inside, lost inside (2 x's)
oh, oh, yeah

my dad just asked me if i had stepped down from committee work...

i have no idea how to tell him that i have stepped down and re-ran... not that i can't.. just that he can't accept and understand my passion for society work..

to him and my mum.. it's some frivolous hobby of mine.. but to me.. it's such an impt part of my life..

2 years of society life... the ups and downs of being in committee... i can honestly say that i've not regretted one bit giving wat i could give to the society and receiving wat was given in return..

the friends, the skills and the knowledge gained was boundless...

i know that society work will be heavy... i know that school work is heavy... i know that my grandma needs people to take care of her... i know that there are house chores to be done... but i'm willing to shape up my planning and time management abilities to deal with all of these responsibilities...

i just want to tell them to give me a chance to do that... to learn how to handle bigger responsibilities.. to allow me to push my boundaries.. to test my limit..

i know no other way someone can grow.. if they are always being limited.. being told that this is all that they can have and take..

they have good intentions.. but.. being overprotective... is..... suffocating..

i'm 22.. i believe i have the choice to decide my future..


how am i going to tell them all this without sounding rude and naive?

i really am not interested to hide from them that i'm still in committee.. can't parents be more accepting and not get heart attacks by harmless decisions that their children make?

i have grown much this past year.. being in comm was an experience for me..

uni life as a student didn't change me much... the ppl i meet in uni did..


hmm.. need to give more time for reflections.. i'm getting the hang of it.. very enjoyable process..

i may be paying for my ignorance.. ah well.. a lesson well learnt..