Inflexible Boundaries

Personal boundaries can become rigid and unyielding – like “walls” between you and others. If you have inflexible boundaries, you may:

• Fear being hurt, vulnerable, or taken advantage of.
• Have difficulty identifying your wants, needs and feelings.
• Say no if requests involve close interaction with others.
• Avoid intimacy by staying freakishly busy, picking fights, or avoiding people (fear of intimacy).
• Refuse to share personal information.
• Fear abandonment or suffocation, and avoid close relationships.
• Struggle with loneliness, low self-esteem, distrust, anger, and control.

Collapsed Boundaries

Personal boundaries can become weak or even nonexistent. The proverbial “doormat” has collapsed boundaries. If you have collapsed boundaries, you may:

• Say yes to all requests because you fear rejection and abandonment.
• Tolerate abuse or disrespectful treatment.
• Feel you deserve to be treated poorly.
• Avoid conflict.
• Have no sense of who you are or what you feel, need, want and think.
• Not see flaws or weaknesses in others.
• Focus on pleasing those around you.
• Take on the feelings of others.

Healthy Boundaries

Personal boundaries are evident and effective when you know who you are, and treat yourself and others with respect. If you have healthy boundaries, you may:

• Feel free to say yes or no without guilt, anger or fear.
• Refuse to tolerate abuse or disrespect.
• Know when a problem is yours or another person’s – and refuse to take on others’ problems.
• Have a strong sense of identity.
• Respect yourself.
• Share responsibility with others, and expect reciprocity in relationships.
• Feel freedom, security, peace, joy and confidence.

How do you set healthy boundaries? Setting healthy boundaries involves taking care of yourself and knowing what you like, need, want, and don’t want. The best time to set personal boundaries is before they’re being encroached upon.

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