maybe i need to re-evaluate how i have lived my life for the past few years..

where i am now... i did not expect.. the realisation caught me by surprise.

i have changed.. for better or worse, i still haven't concluded..

do i like my change? it's a qn that i've been asking myself often lately..

there's alot to think about.. or rather alot to rethink abt..

am i still me? or am i just portraying wat i thot i was and wat other ppl knew me as? is that why i always feel this detachment with myself and the ppl around me?


the detachment issue has been getting worse i feel... and the connection with ppl feel too forced.. or maybe my awareness of the interactions are too heightened... sometimes i feel like i'm an observer of a social interaction... the eagerness to connect to others has also faded into nothingness.. i guess i'm disappointed.. disappointed that most ppl do not connect at a deep enuf level.. everyone's just contented with the superficial.. and i can't seem to stomach it anymore.. maybe i've finally understood wat jaded meant..

don't worry.. i'm not depressed.. lol.. don't think too much my dear cousins... just trying to sort out my thots..

something on the brighter side.. seems like appreciation has been the theme of the year.. i think i've finally learnt how to somewat appreciate the ppl and things that i have or had... it's still new but i think i'm getting better at it... it adds a whole new perspective for me to dwell on... and things keep popping up for me to think about... it's fun and exciting to explore.. just need more me time to do that..

it also made me wonder about my own behaviors towards others... and made me wonder if wat i did/didn't do landed me in the place that i am in now... am i really a unicyclist? i used to think i'm a 8wheeler or more... but now it seems that i'm stretching it even with a tricycle... wat happened in between? am i that hard a friend to keep? did i do anything wrong? or things just happened the way it did?

i think all these qns have been haunting me at night and will be for more nights to come..

i should sleep on it... i rem someone once said that the brain gives us the answers and solutions to our qns when we sleep and dream... i hope he's right..