today, my cousin asked me to scoop some soup for him..

f, who heard his request, turned to him and said.. you better get your own soup.. otherwise she might end up scoop until.....

he didn't finish, but... the words dripped with sarcasm..

it still hurts after all these years.. that he would still think that everything that i do is... inadequate.

the only two thing that he ever believed i was good at was... being hardworking.. and my ability to argue..


don't know since when he started becoming enemy of the state..

but i have seen, throughout the years.. ppl who have tried to accommodate his character for years until they lose themselves.. i have seen those who have decided that their attitude towards him needs to improve and he should be given a chance.. i have seen ppl who cater to his needs and whimps.. i have known ppl who hope to believe that wat they see is not who he really is, that deep down he is a nice and caring person.. but most of all.. i have seen the disappointment in ppl's eyes.. and the sadness in their voices..

i used to think the world of him.. but bit by bit, his actions made the magic fade.. and wat was left, was the ugly truth.. that ppl are not perfect and that he could never change who he is..

to him.. he is a wonderful person that ppl should be thankful to have in their lives, and that we should be grateful and appreciate him.. i wondered where he got this self image from.. for he never did asked us for our opinions.. nor i believe, did he care for the opinion of others.. he is always a person whom believe himself more than the experts, friends and family who he ever talked to.. i wonder it's confidence... or ignorance.. but definitely, it showed that he could not trust anyone else other than himself.. where this insecurity stemmed from, i still have no clue.. his suspicious nature is not easy to live with and much less to communicate with..

also, his inability to be honest and direct about wat he wants, drives me nuts.. i have never liked indirectness in my life.. it complicates simple matters and certain assumptions or traps and manipulation are always part of such indirectness.. if you know me, i never really liked being trapped or manipulated.. maybe these dislikes came from my multiple experiences of them throughout my life.. not only having to experience them but also i have to see them being done to ppl around me.. he's an honest man alright, the only thing not honest is when he is articulating wat he wants..

the only thing that he is direct about but which i always wish it was not the case, is that he so readily gives criticisms out to everyone regardless of ppl's good intentions.. regardless of the hardwork ppl put in... regardless of their emotions and thots.. maybe he think he's doing everyone a favor.. i just wonder how many can take it with a pinch of salt and not feel offended or insulted or hurt hearing them..

but these 3 things aside.. and maybe another bad habit aside.. he really is a quite ok person to live with.. hopefully one day he will be able to see that we are all doing our best to accommodate him and that he would have to do some adjustments to accommodate us..

maybe a cny 2012 hope for me..