It seems that I have the tendency to over pamper ppl. And I have been receiving the "fruits" of doing so.. I can't say that I don't deserve them..

By being so accommodating and accepting of behaviors that, frankly speaking, sometime should not be condoned, I have trapped myself in a situation whereby I cannot stop being accommodating and accepting. Well.. It's not really can't and it's not a chore to be accommodating and accepting. Just that there are times when I get tired and I am down on energy. I'm not perfect. I need break times. I also need ppl who can be accommodating and accepting to me as well. But obviously I have created relationships that do not allow me to have such enjoyment.

Maybe I'm really masochistic. Lol. But once in awhile, I would love to switch roles..

Then again, the optimistic side of me thinks that maybe these ppl also over pamper me to the point that I don't realise it as well. Maybe.. hopefully..

"朋友是我们的镜子，我们的记忆；我们对他们一无所求，只是希望他们时时擦亮这面镜子，让我们可以从中看看自己。" - 米兰.昆德拉

I believe most ppl make the mistake of letting someone who is good for us slip us by. And then we make the second mistake of holding on too tightly to the ppl who are sort of ok but not really good for us, out of fear of repeating the first mistake. Which finally cause us to miss out on the opportunity of meeting somebody who might make our lives great.

Time for a change?

Am I living it wrongly?

我不是一个很会压抑我的心情的人。遇到看不过眼的事，我无法置之不理。可能是很多事情我看得到,但觉得我无能为力吧。所以变得消沉和negative, 觉得面对一些我无法改变的事, 令我觉得疲累不堪 。我知道我应该professional一点,但我却力不从心。

我不想继续这样, 有谁可以教教我吗?

When will we be able to make sense of what we are experiencing?

I thot I have lost my passiveness.. but it seems to have a stronger hold on me than I expected..

Finally the gathering snowball caught up with me. Time to find a good coffin.

When the person you are with makes no grave mistakes, does it make you wrong to decide to leave this person?

Is it a selfish and immature decision to end it?

If two people no longer enjoy the company of the other or if one feels so, if one loses oneself to fulfill the other and gets no satisfaction or happiness, if one knows that there is something that will always be a problem between the two of you, a wedge so huge due to the disparity of value and principle, should one just merely remain to be with the other person just cos they did no real wrong?

I seriously don't agree. I know sometimes I see gray as black or white and I might be too quick to cut ppl out of my life but I do not think that ppl should remain together just becos gg separate ways with this person will make us look bad. Becos they technically did no wrong so that makes us the bad person and make us feel guilty for making that choice.

I believe there is something such as overstaying in other ppl 's life. Ppl come into our lives to give us an experience. Usually they add value or let us learn a lesson. But when they overstay, they stunt our growth. I see a lot of ppl stuck in the diff stages of their lifes.. sometimes it's cos they are unwilling to let go of the past.. sometimes it's cos the ppl they mix with are unwilling to let go of theirs..

So I believe in letting the person go to experience more things in their lifes without me. Staying together will just be overstaying. But having said that, it does not mean that I don't work hard to maintain my relationships with ppl. Just that I don't feel so.... attached.. sometimes I may want to.. but usually it's more of a want than a need.

For all you know, my logic may be faulty. But this is what I've concluded so far.

All thot and no action.

Do I want to live my life like that?

We have all grown in our own ways thruout the yrs..

Sometimes we tend to forget that others have the capacity to grow.. Today I am reminded.

Life is actually a wonderful journey, a story with exciting twists and turns. You will never know the ending until you have read to the last page.

I'm also being reminded that there are still some things I need to be more mature in...