it's time to stop the bumming and do something..

sometimes you can't have it all in life.. so it all depends on what is most impt to you and what you are willing to give up for it.

is this a pessimistic view of life? can one truly have it all? i wonder..

is it settling for lesser if we view life that way when we could have more if we dare to dream bigger?

being contented and satisfied with what we have vs striving for better and more rewarding life...

i guess a balance would be good..

I feel this right now..

It is such an irony to receive your concern now that we are no longer friends.. when the reason why I decided to stop being friends with you was becos of your lack of concern..

When I need it the most, it didn't come.. when I turn my head and walk away... it is given to me.. but it is too little too late.. n receiving it now only makes me sad..

it feels like a roller coaster ride..

one day i'm up.. another day i'm down.. but there's something that doesn't leave you when you are strapped on to the roller coaster..

the fear and the anticipation of the next turn..

how long can someone stay in a roller coaster locked in by fear or.. elated by the rush of the winds?

i think i have hit and surpasss my limit.. to burst out crying more than 3 times in the span of 2 days is totally a new record for me.

is this healthy? i ask myself.. is this wat i want? is this wat i'm willing to put myself through? is this how life is supposed to be? is this how we build ourselves to be better people? is it masochistic? when do i know enuf is enuf? or is there an enuf? or life is just about constantly stretching yourself? where will we end up? how far to stretch? wat is the reward? wat am i living for? am i happy?

many many many questions popped into my head these days.. on some days.. i just want to throw everything away and heck it.. other days.. i wish i had a brick in my hand so that i can smash people's head with it.. and there are also some days whereby i find the strength to carry on what i'm doing..

so wat does it mean then? where do i go now?

to love u more.. by celine dion.. cool.. rach berry really nail it.

today is a very frustrating day.

fed up with everything and everyone.

angsty mood.

It's sad when people look at u n only see their past impressions of you.. it's almost like the "current" me does not exist.

And to some people, it seems like I don't exist at all. Hah.

Learning to be P.

Argh. Still cannot stand sensitive people.

It really feels like being thrown away like a used tissue paper.

Regardless of the reasons that u may have.. it was totally uncalled for. There are many ways to do it.

Disappointed.

Time to be mature n professional. I can do it this time round.

I guess.. that's it then..

Wishing that I'm staying near water.. so calming.

风好凉。 心情好平静。希望天天都能如此。

原来我是如此的享受一个人的生活。

心里虽然有些想要的，但是能接受未必能得到的结果。人生不过如此。。只要学会接受，很多东西都能看开。这当然并不代表我对生活失去憧憬，失去方向。。我只是多了一份从容去面对。

The morning breeze enveloped me.. It feels great to be home alone.. without a care in mind..

Enjoying the little things in life..

And maybe a walk later..

I used to wonder whether I will be able to handle the adversities that life may throw at me.. having watched so many dramas, its not surprising to wonder that and I think Korean n Taiwanese long dramas gave us even more creative ideas of what are the adversities that we may face in the future.

But I have come to realize that wondering is not productive. That we should take time and effort to build the courage n the resilience to pull through the adversities that we may face.. starting with the tiny problems, discomforts, unhappiness, pressures etc.. step by step, like building a muscle to let it be able to take up more weight.

Then when the day arrived to face the adversities, we can face them with confidence, wisdom and grace.

Apparently, people see me as a person who is sensitive to criticism. Is it only them? Or there others who feel the same as well? Have I truly become the sensitive person whom they say I am? Or is it just a misperception?

Always on the low priority list.

Is there an upgrade available?

Someone once told me.. remember the reasons why you are working towards your goal for you will be tested many times. These reasons will be the only things that get you thru the bad days and propel you to reach your goal.

I finally understand wat it really means. Time to dig deep to find my reasons that will get me through the bad days.

learning.

believe can come subtly and leave subtly

if you know y, there is no shortage of how

stay around to be willing to grow and change

change is fun when it's done

love is not enuf, but love is a start

self talk, soul talk

it's the information in the book that is impt

will i do this? will i learn? it's not a can qn. it's not a talent.

get control of ur thots or it will control u


if it has become route and routine, it's time to change.

some things in your life that happen for you and you think that it has happened to you.

once you have your dreams, your priorities start to fall in line

you have to be the guard of the gate to the thots that come in your mind

wat they think of me dont matter, wat i think of me matters.

sometimes we dont want to be too quick with the answers, sometimes they just need to be heard.

we do make mistakes but we can change.

wat is impt? wat is the last thing you want said about you?

wherever you put the spotlight is where you will look.

its up to me

decision and sacrifice.

adele. amazing.

music always makes me feel better..

Have I over pampered myself all these years? Do I have wat it takes to carry me through this difficult period?

Wat are the mindsets to have? And how do I learn to adopt them without losing part of my beliefs?

Wat kind of person I want to be? And wat do I want to be known for?

Every decision and choice we make.. and the intention and thought we make them with.. shapes who we are. Every step must be taken with care and consideration.

My mind is fighting with the inputs that it is receiving. I have finally come to the stage where I am no longer a dry sponge that soaks up ideas, beliefs and mindsets.

a lot has happened in the past month or two.. many decisions and actions were made.. i'm starting to feel that the current way that i handle my life, how i go about making the choices i make and the way i approach things and treat the people around me is moving more and more towards how i want to live each day of my life.

i believe i have found 'me'. i understand wat make me tick, i understand my strengths and weaknesses, i know wat i like and wat i dislike, wat i have and wat i need, etc etc. i am glad for such clarity in life for it makes living easier, more purposeful and meaningful.

of course, there are still kinks that i have to work out, i'm afterall not perfect but i am glad and grateful to be here, in this state of mind.

i am back! bigger and better! V2!

there are 3 things that i hate experiencing..

1. not being trusted by
2. being lied to
3. being over estimated by

i think u scored bingo.

my range of wave lengths has extended again.. 58 yrs old.. wow.

today i have finally validated something.

while staring out of the well, i've always thot that there is a bigger sky out there.. and all these while, people have been telling me that that's it, wat i see is wat i get and that i am so fortunate to be given even the view of the sky.

it's good to know that i'm right.. but sad in some ways that y the rest can't see wat i can see. the extent of the smallness of my pond also stunned me cos how big can i grow in such a pond?

also, there's another thing that people can't get.. i get it that learning is a personal responsibility but it is also the responsiblity of the mentor to ensure that hard knowledge is transferred as best as possible. how does my feedback of lack of learning translate into my lack of proactiveness to seek understanding of wat i should do?

there are alot of tough choices to make this year. some to try harder, some to let go.. i want to believe that i have the maturity to make the best possible decisions.

and you.. in to the compartment u go. and you.. u have been in there for so long.. can we shake off the dust and start over again? i do miss having someone like you to talk to.. especially when there are so many things to think about and evaluate. but most of all, i miss the carefree fun of sharing thots and the silly laughter that comes after that.

Why do people tend to choose what they are familiar with than the unknown, even though what is familiar, may not be good for them?

Do they not believe that there is a possibility of better? Or do they not believe that they can deserve/create better lives?

It is sad to see time and time again that people around me do such self harming. How can I let them see?

sigh.. i need to get out of this funk.

i have retreated back into my passivity. something is bothering me.. or some things are bothering me.

Wat did I do to deserve such treatment? Totally uncalled for.

don't know why but i feel that the money i have is not enuf.. it's seems so little when i think about the things i want to do with it.

am i earning too little? or other ppl are not saving their money?

i'm turning into a miser and a hoarder.

Have I suffered a burnout? Have I experienced burnout before but didn't realise it was one? Am I still suffering from burnout?

I have a bad feeling that it's a resounding yes.

Did I really recuperate or I just escaped from the problem every time that I had the chance to?

And I fear the burnouts were one and the same..

Wat should I do?

I read something on fb today.. good read.

AM I WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?

During a seminar, a woman asked, “How do I know if I am with the right person?”

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, “It depends. Is that your partner?” in all seriousness, she answered, “How do you know?”

“Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind.” replied the author.

Here is the answer:

Every relationship has a cycle.. In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it is called “falling” in love.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept off my feet.” Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” and as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found.
People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistakes about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a “decision”. Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: Fate brings people into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay and who you refuse to let go.

Wat I would give to talk to someone..

Someone who understands.. someone who does not want me to make the decision that they want me to make.. someone who will guide me and help me to make the choice with my eyes wide open..

Will that someone pls appear right now? For I have never needed you more in my life..

Evaluation time.. or should I say decision making time? Headache.

There are some things that are out of your control to change and it's time to move on before you become a bitter person.

But some people believe that you will need to cultivate skills to handle the things you cannot change.

So which do you subscribe to?

sometimes i think.. i'm too frank for my own good.

it does not help that i also do not hide the emotions i feel..

do i really need to learn how to hide myself? can't i live an honest life?