being misunderstood by strangers or aquaintances should be a normal occurance in one's life.. hence one would not feel too strongly about it unless one is being treated unfairly or cruelly due to such misperception.. also, it is easier to brush off and easier to see that these people are misguided and ignorant..

being misunderstood by close friends and family is a whole different level.. especially family.. it hurts a great deal.. and it hurts even more when you suddenly realise that your close friends know you better than your family and are more willing to look at you will no colored lenses..

sometimes when people know each other for so long.. it is so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that we have understood all there is to understand of that person and forget that a person can learn, grow and change.. and family members tend to fall into this trap even more easily.. we are so sure of ourselves, of our knowledge about the people we love that we never stop to think, to evaluate and to recognise the changes in them. and this negligence is one of the most hurtful thing that you can do to the people you care for..

so open your eyes and take a look a the people around you.. forget the past and look at the present.. acknowledge their every change.. cos it will definitely not be the last.. in today's words: update the version of the person in your mind to the latest version or you might risk lagginess and malfunction.

i literally have a split milk incident when i'm still upset about yesterday.. what luck. i feel bullied.. even by the milk..

for a split second i really wanted to cry, but the scenario of me literally crying over split milk is so hilarious that my mood got better.. but my mood wasn't up for long as i had to spend half an hour mopping up the milk and wiping down my fridge.

You know that you have been badly hurt when tears fall silently down on your cheeks and you have no way of holding them back. despite knowing that people are around you and yet the tears keep falling and you keep praying that no one sees it..

And after the tears have dried.. you feel a dull ache in your chest.. breathing takes more effort than usual.. your eyes sting.. your head hurts.. and your arms strain from hugging yourself too tightly..

"Brave"

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up

Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just want to see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there,
Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing,
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, just stop holding your tongue

Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence
Won’t do you any good,
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
See you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you

Colorblind lyrics by Amber Riley.

---

When the world is seeing yellow
I only see gray
When everybody sees the rainbow
I’m stuck in the rain
You take a little piece of me
Every time you leave
I don’t think that I’ll ever find that silver lining
Or reason to smile

You know I used to paint such vibrant dreams
Now I’m colorblind colorblind
When did my heart
Get so full of the never mind never mind
Did you know
That you stole the only thing I needed
Only black and white in my eyes
I’m colorblind

Ain’t it funny that you managed
To just wash away
Even pictures that you’re not in
Have started to fade
I tried to play my favorite songs
But I can’t sing along
The words don’t feel the same
You’ve taken all the best things from me
And thrown them away


I’ll wait
For roses to be red again
And I hate
That you took my blue from the ocean
Give me back green greens and goldens
My purples my blues you sold them
How long will I be broken

You know I used to paint such vibrant dreams
Now I’m colorblind colorblind
When did my heart get so full of the never mind
Did you know
That you stole the only thing I needed
Only black and white in my eyes
I’m colorblind
Only black and white in my eyes
I’m colorblind

I hate celebrating things with my family.. it always ends up in arguments, quarrels or unhappiness. Y my family can't have a simple open conversation without ppl feeling like they are being attacked, blamed or wronged?

I think my family can be a textbook case for all family counsellors out there.. dysfunctional communication.

someone said to me that my only flaw is being too nice.. it was a nice compliment though somewhat backhanded..

thanks sharon..

but i do not believe that it is my only flaw.. sadly..

then again.. i'm human afterall.. everyone is entitled to having some flaws.. it is what makes them interesting and infuriating at times..

i guess the past few years had made me comfortable in my own skin and i like who i am and i would want to be the kind of person who represents her beliefs and values well.. so.. still cautiously choosing my beliefs and values.. and exposing myself to more things to stimulate and challenge my mind..