Roller coaster.... sigh..

I hate lying.. that's y I have always chosen to speak the truth..

But life is funny in a way that sometimes I am put in a position where i have to skirt the truth or tell a lie on behalf of people.

I know it's a choice I have made to help ppl keep their facade.. but I'm starting to wonder if it is my duty or my responsibility to do so. Y must I choose to do something that is against my principles n makes me uncomfortable?

"Not everything that is broken is meant to be fixed.." Harold Finch's father

sometimes we try too hard to fix things that are broken in our lives and we forget to live our lives.

____

haha, just reread my blog and this phrase.. is such a shout out to calzona (grey's character, callie and arizona)! it is wat exactly is wrong with their relationship..

"There is always a choice to make. Every day, every hour, offered the opportunity to make a decision, a decision which determined whether you would or would not submit to those powers that threatened to rob you of your very self, your inner freedom." - Viktor Frankl

Aubrey's convo with Dr. B. on their experiences as an abandoned child.

B: I was angry for years..
A: How did u get over it?
B: I didn't.
A: So this isn't a comforting talk
B: No.. The pain is always there. The challenge is to not try and make it go away.
A: Really not comforting..
B: Fighting is the problem. We fight to change the past or push it away.. but the pain is part of who we are.
B: It's like the discovery of the quark.. it upended all our theories about physics. There was fury, fighting but it was true. And when it was finally accepted, it gave us a better understanding of life. If we have denied it, there would have been no progress.
B: It's not easy A.. but nothing of value is.

We always fight to suppress painful memories and walking away from people who hurt us.. but sometimes.. we forgot that these painful memories and these hurtful people makes us who we are and we forget to be thankful that these experiences make us better people..

Want to be alone for a while. Tired. Don't wish to face ppl. Don't want to be mature.

never again will i allow you guys to hurt me.. never again..

this is the last time..

time to drop the naive hope or expectations and get busy building walls..