i have been having a weird obsession with grey's anatomy.. it's one of those shows that turns me into a flowering pot and sink into a deep dark place.. it also makes me laugh out loud and whack the table saying "seriously?!"

i was watching rewatching s1e4 and the flowering pot came on..

y?

it was one of the first emotional scenes of dr cristina yang.. she was a first yr intern who was a type A, straight shooter, sharp tongued, only care about gaining experience, cut herself from the emotional world kind of doc (with a twisted sense of humor, of course, she is not that horrid, lol)..

she went to prepare for rounds an hr earlier than the other interns in hope to get the best case that would have gotten her the most likelihood of a surgery experience.. experience that all the interns are fighting to gain.. she thot that she has gotten herself the best deal, a whipple surgery, as the patient was having pancreatic cancer and looks to be in need of a surgery..

little did she know that the patient was a long serving, well respected scrub nurse at the hospital that she is working in who saw thru all her intern tricks of trying to get a whipple surgery under her belt.. after much hard work of doing tests, chasing for results and hounding the attending doc for the date and timing of the surgery.. cristina finally realized and came to the conclusion that the patient was here to live out her last dying moments at the hospital that the patient loves and spent her whole life dedicated to..

the interesting part was that instead of going into a hissy fit for the lost of her precious time spent on the patient for the past 2 days.. and despite her sarcasm about wasting good hospital beds on a dying patient.. she held the patient's hand when the patient had her last dying breathe and tried to resuscitate the patient even though there were explicit orders not to.. cristina was in a state of shock and didn't/couldn't stop trying to save the patient.. it was only when the attending doc physically forced her to step aside and told her to let the patient go down, did she manage to do so..

finally, when the patient's heartbeat flatlined, the attending gave cristina the chance to call time of death for her first time.. ~ and this music 'where does the good go' started playing and continued playing thru till the finale scene of this episode..~  she called time of death and went to the stairwells and we could see that she was trying to hold every emotion.. the attending doc went after her, knowing what she was experiencing and gently told her to let the patient go.. that they have to let the patient go.. and you could see cristina's emotions flooding out..

but yes, after such a long description, i had yet to explain the trigger of my flowering pot moment.. reason for it was.. quite a few..

1. it was the first patient that cristina lost and had to learn to let go

2. i felt it was the first time she truly became a doc in my eyes and opened up the possibility of her being a compassionate doc that she could be.. and it was the doc that she did became 10 yrs down the road in season 10.. one who is not an emotionless robotic super doc but a compassionate, nurturing and talented doc..

3. the song was the actual trigger as it was also the song that cristina and her long time best friend/work buddy/her person dance to when she sends cristina off to a faraway country in the last episode of season 10.. and one of the last wonderful and beautiful scene that the actress sandra oh (who portrayed cristina yang) was in before she finally left the show.. it was also a reminder to cristina that she has to let go.. of her past.. of her friends.. and leave.. and we as the audience has to let her go.. and that was the exact same experience that cristina has gone thru and learnt in s1e4..

shout out to sandra oh.. i miss her in grey's.. and she is a super talented actress who created and showed depth in her character..

also a shout out to shonda rhimes who created the charater cristina yang.. and opened our eyes to the kind of journey and transformation that a character could make in their "lives" and let us dream that it is possible for us as well..

random thot: maybe all the yeos should watch some grey's to learn this lesson

"Where Does The Good Go" - Tegan and Sara

Where do you go with your broken heart in tow
What do you do with the left over you
And how do you know, when to let go
Where does the good go, where does the good go
Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive
Look me in the heart and tell me you won't go
Look me in the eye and promise no love's like our love
Look me in the heart and unbreak broken, it won't happen
It's love that leaves and breaks the seal of always thinking you would be
Real, happy and healthy, strong and calm, where does the good go
Where does the good go
Where do you go when you're in love and the world knows
How do you live so happily while I am sad and broken down
What do you say it's up for grabs now that you're on your way down
Where does the good go, where does the good go