tired.. haha, now no one will let me miss my sleep anymore..

went out with my cousins on wed, had a great time. the best part wasn't the part that we went out but the part that we three sat down together and chatted about our lifes, secrets and our feelings towards our parents and relatives.

but cough got worse cos of all the second hand smoke in the club.. and haha, yup, the chatting session went on to six plus in the morning and i had like a meeting at 11am.. so that means i only slept for like 2 hrs plus?

was quite stoned for yesterday cos of the lack of sleep.. everything was slower to process and half the time i was asking questions when usually i had no problem understanding. haha so boss was very happy that day cos she had the chance to be the brain and i the body..

haha, but don't think they like the sleep deprived me very much cos i sound like a kuku half the time.. though they had a great time laughing and getting back at me, showing me their brain powers when mine's not working..

so yup, had some sleep just now.. don't want to turn into the version of boss when she is sleep deprived.. and i think~ i am somewhat well awake to do mental processes later on... don't want boss to freak out and have to take care of me instead.. haha, though it would be funny to see..hmmm... hehe

did some apologising today.. felt better that things are more or less cleared up.. have one more round to go.. shall do it tmr..

i don't know if wat i said got thru or not but.. i did my best and i hope my actions are understood the way it was meant to be.

that is all that i can do for now..

right... now i found out that the reason that all these happen was because of me.. how ironic considering that i didn't knew i started it.

maybe i'm an insensitive idiot that jokes around without taking into consideration of other's feelings... and sorry that my suggestions souded like commands that you feel you have to follow, maybe i'm a control freak after all..

maybe all this was all my fault cos i was stupid enough to not realise how people are affected by wat i say and do.

sorry for sounding overbearing, sorry for everything i've said and done.

it's time for me to mind my own biz... just do wat i'm suppose to.

this whole thing is dumb.. totally have no idea of how it got started and how it ended up like wat it is now.

it's like walking along the pavement one minute and falling into a manhole that i didn't see.

i don't know wat to do. totally lost.

why did it happen? was it really politics? i don't know.

all i know is that, i don't like politics and i don't play it. i meant things as jokes and if u can't take it, i'm sorry. i don't like to control ppl cos i have a dad that loves to do that and i know how it feels. i don't like it when things are not said or clarified with ppl who are involved in it.

if you don't like it, say it. if you don't say, how i know?

it's not like i'm unreasonable or wat. if ppl had said, 'you know, wat you said hurts', i would have apologised. if ppl have said, 'you know, we can handle this, we'll look for u for help if we need it', and i would have backed off.

but the thing is no one said anything. everything is just second guessing and it is so dumb to be involved in all this.

my life is simple, but for the pass few weeks, it turned complicated and i don't like it.

it is a waste of time and energy and i don't feel happy. i feel like puking.

this is the first time ever that i have jumped into a pile of shit that i don't like and i feel like climbing out of it even though things are not completed.

i don't know how long i can last in this situtation. i'm drowning and i don't know wat i can do. helpless.

boss is out of town again...

that means i have alot of things to do... wrote down a 'to do' and a 'make sure people do' list.. and got quite stunned.. got 20 over things i need to make sure is done before boss comes back!

sometimes i wonder how boss is able to handle so many things at one time.. must be really hard on her to be making sure that everything is ok and everyone is doing their work.. no wonder she has insomnia..

well, for this week, it is up to me to make sure people don't screw up the camp.. anyone who attempts to do so will die a horrible death and be sent to be the real ghost for fright night.

it was fright night trial yesterday..

not everything went as planned... like missing ghosts, station screwing up, station clues missing, doll music spoiling, missing the last bus out of sch...

haha, think the biggest unplanned thing (at least i didn't know about it) was they secretly bought a birthday cake for me and celebrated my belated birthday at the end of the trial...

but much of the suprise was 'spoilt' by dear kim, who in her usual (bimbo) self, said to me before the trial started: 'hey, sorry i couldn't make it for your celebration'

i didn't get it at first but from the BIG reaction that statement got from everyone that was there, i knew they were up to something..

really glad that everyone celebrated my birthday for me, though one day late but i'm very happy.. haha, i was wondering if this was the reason that resulted in the highest attendance rate ever for camp trials..

i would like to thank everyone that came, those who stayed for the celebration and missed the last bus, those who initiated the suprise celebration, those who bought the cake and presents, those who had to hide here and hide there so that i would not find out about the suprise... and thank kim for the statement of the day!


haha.. don't think everyone will get to read this post...

yx, can do me favor? tell those at the celebration to read this post k? think u know who they are..

shouldn't have done wat i did just now... if someone does it to me, i think i'll be hurt by it..

stupid things i do that i regret.. sorry bro... thanks for ur present.. u bought something i needed and u didn't even need to ask to know wat i want... sorry about me bitching that it wasn't the model i wanted... sorry.

leadership training camp

four days of my life
experiences that can last me a life time

never thot it was possible to gain so much but i did, and i am very thankful to everyone who made this possible

and i'll always remember: i need to open and acknowledge each and every small step i make in order to create openess amongst ppl and to be able to give acknowledgement to each and every small step they make.


never knew i could cry that much...
and had never cried in front of people before this camp..