alright.. since i can't stop dwelling on it, i shall just write it down to get it out of my system..

don't know why.. sometimes i just like to think of things that are not possible. like to play them in my head, with my own script..

it's kind of like living in my own world where everything goes where i want them to go and wat i want them to do. but i know that it's not real.

it is just that i feel like i always do this to make my life more interesting, cos my life and the past twenty years sure are not as colourful as wat i would and could have imagined it to be.

i am never the favourite, the popular, the smartest, the talented, the most attractive, nor am i the most hated, the naughtiest, haughty, evil, destroyer, prankster. i am bland. as bland as water can be. and my life was too.

how i wish my life was exciting, extraordinary.. i don't mind that it may suck like hell or there are many ups and downs in my life. some may think that i am naive, or even dumb maybe. but i don't care. at least i would have had some experiences that will be deeply imprinted in my memory, giving me guidance, shaping and defining me.

i don't want to introduce myself as some girl who is nice, had an education till university, will be working in the future. someone with a two responsible parents and a younger brother, some friends that she had made throughout her school years. something that maybe a few million people might have used when they were describing themselves.

i want to be different, to be unique, maybe even special. but i don't think that i am even close to it.

i want to live, not just be someone that is just breathing and present in this world.

i want to make an impact on ppl's lives, i want to make an impact on my own.

maybe i already had, but i didn't know..


wat would it be like if i can read minds? a question i like to ponder on often. for human beings are too complex a species to understand by just looking at how they behave and wat they say. most of the time, wat they think is very much different from wat they do or say.

it would be nice if someday, before we die, we can get to see a repeat telecast of wat we have done this lifetime.. to evaluate, to rejoice, to regret or even just to understand wat we have gone through from a third person's perspective..

time flies by too quickly for us to fully grasp the meaning on wat has happened in our life.

the ppl that i have met, those that i remember and some that i had forgotten. the person that i was like, how i have grown and change, or didn't change. who and wat shaped me. have i done good enough, or could i have done more. all these i am very interested to know.. a video of my life

twenty years had passed so quickly.. and very soon, i'll be gone from this world. without a trace.

how long will i live? i am not sure, but i want to mak the best out of it. i don't want to leave without putting up a good fight, to leave a mark on this earth