Give me a dozen healthy infants, well-formed, and my own specified world to bring them up in and i'll guarantee to take any one at random and train him to become any type of specialist i might select-doctor, lawyer, artist, merchant chief, and yes, even beggarman and thief, regardless of his talents, penchants, tendencies, abilities, vocations and race of his ancestors.

J. B. Watson

how i wish i am trained to take the exams! argh.. dev paper looks damn hard..

haha.. i think i know where body get her weird facts from..

i was watching nuscast in sch... found out they have discovery channel... so went to watch it.. guess wat.. they were interviewing this japanese scientist that does research on sound and it's effects on human mind and body.. he was showing a research that he did on designing ringtones to change human physiology.. it was on a particular ringtone which could enlarge breasts of women if they hear it often enuf.. hahha.. cool right?

the ringtone is made up of baby crying sound and sounds which activates the brain to recognise the crying.. it worked on the principle that women when they hear baby cry often enuf.. their breast will enlarge...

they tested it and it showed that within a few weeks.. the lady that was listening to the ringtone had her breast enlarged by 3cm.. haha.. i believe plastic surgeons will be out of job soon...

oh.. i believe there are ppl who won't want to hear and have that ringtone.. so beware... hahah.. it's call the rock melon ringtone.. how apt.. ahhahahha

for nanana.. haha the song title is this.. congrats on graduating!

月桂女神 -S.H.E.

传说漫长　浩瀚如史诗般　记忆这段　惶惶不安
颜色金黄　阿波罗的光芒　却比不上　达芙妮的勇敢

没有一种爱可以　在自由　之上 Woo~
达芙妮的伤　化身　月桂树倔强

月桂树漂香　那夜风恋月光　我的爱　很不一样
素净的脸上　从不抹浓妆坚持　自己喜欢
月桂树漂香　云缠绕星光我要　有话就讲
无边的海洋　那辽阔的想像比谁　都不平凡

森林河畔　阿波罗在追赶 (哭著)　哭著戴上　达芙妮的桂冠
被束缚的爱　已经　没有了　温暖 Ho~ 　达芙妮的伤心疼　千年间流传

月桂树漂香　那夜风恋月光　我的爱　很不一样
素净的脸上　从不抹浓妆坚持　自己喜欢
月桂树漂香　云缠绕星光我要　有话就讲
无边的海洋　那辽阔的想像比谁　都不平凡

爱摇晃　爱靠岸　我航向了前方　寻找桂冠

月桂树漂香　那夜风恋月光　我的爱　很不一样 (很不一样)
素净的脸上　从不抹浓妆坚持　自己喜欢
月桂树漂香　云缠绕星光我要　有话就讲
无边的海洋　那辽阔的想像比谁　都不平凡
月桂树漂香　那夜风恋月光　我的爱　很不一样 (很不一样)
素净的脸上　从不抹浓妆坚持　自己喜欢
月桂树漂香　云缠绕星光我要　有话就讲
无边的海洋　那辽阔的想像比谁　都不平凡

冰箱 -S.H.E.

把大象放进冰箱有几个步骤 把河马放进冰箱有几个步骤
把回忆放进冰箱会不会寂寞 把爱情放进冰箱也已经到了时候
让眼泪一次流够要几个枕头 让明天不再难过要多少纸鹤
让热情变成冷漠算不算罪过 让爱情退冰多久 才可以化为乌有
从今以后再没有人那样逗我 从今以后 就要分手
从今以后冰箱不必再放啤酒 从今以后 别在门口等我
从今以后再不需要别人哄我 从今以后 就算分手
从今以后日记再也不用上锁 从今以后 甚至不是朋友
苹果给你 柠檬给我 可乐给你 咖啡给我 自由给你
真心给我 你的给你 我的你不能带走



it's time for the period to come to a close... i don't see it going anywhere else except wat it is now..

second paper down and still no feeling.. no exam jitters no nothing.. think something wrong with me..


time passed very fast.. it's almost near the end..

i wonder how can a 30 qn test tell me that i'll be a millionaire some day..

Utmost in your mind is success. You are constantly seeking stimulation and a life full of experience. You are trying to 'grow' and above all you need to develop freely and to shake off the shackles of self-doubt. You are an enthusiastic individual, full of life with the desire to live intensely. You like contact with others and are enthusiastic by nature. You are receptive to anything new, modern or intriguing. Your interests are many and you are likely to expand your fields of activities. You are optimistic about the future and you deserve every success because deep down you are a 'winner'.

You are working extremely hard trying to improve your image in the eyes of others. You are looking for acknowledgement from your peers and those who come into your sphere of influence. You want to be liked, not for what people think of you but for what you really are.

You are feeling under considerable pressure and you are being forced to make concessions. You are not particularly happy with this state of affairs but you feel that you have no alternative. If you were to force issues you would be left out or completely ignored by one and all.

You feel that you must have co-operation from those close to you before the existing stressful situation can be improved. You feel that no-one understands you and this lack of understanding and appreciation makes you feel completely isolated. You need that feeling of security and would like to get away from what you now consider depressing shackles. You have that need to re-establish your own individuality but your sensual self-restraint makes it difficult for you to let go - to open up, but the way that you are feeling at this time makes you feel that 'Enough is enough' and you are prepared to give in. This disturbs you as you feel that this attitude is an obvious sign of weakness - an attitude to be overcome and so in spite of this situation you feel that in order to assert your own individuality you need to continue to practice self-restraint.

You really like doing what you do and, more than that, you like yourself. Your attitude to work and to life is that 'If its not fun - then don't do it'. You want to be liked and respected, not for who you are but for what you are - and it seems to be working.




scary scary colorgenics..

find me in pgp if u want apples or chocolate with wine in it..

today's my first exam.. but it doesn't feel like my exams are starting..

it just feels like any other day.. guess i'm numbed to exams already..

i think i'm halfway back on track to be wat i used to be like..

at least this time was a ARGH!!!! then soon after... grumbling to two ppl and ranting to another offline window.. and another trying to cheer me up.. i feel totally fine..

wat is done, cannot be undone.. i can repeat the scenario over and over again and experience the anger and distress over and over again.. but.. so wat.. so why not just let it go? and let go i did.. it is a thing of the past and there is no need to waste energy on something that is already done..

i prob to stop my compulsive complaining.. a behavior acquired this year or so.. i used to be able to work out my irritations/frustrations etc on my own.. or they disappear faster than i can deal with them.. haha.. but now.. with the availability of ppl who know the reason behind wat i feel.. i tend to unload on them.. which is not a very good thing i suppose... complaining or ranting is a negative energy.. it tires ppl and puts additional distress for ppl.. so... yes... relearning to self contain and self resolve issues.. i know i can.. just that it's so tempting to find someone that understands..

ah well.. not a short road to revert myself back to the person i used to be.. yes, once changed a person can never be truly be the same ever again.. but i believe that bad habits can be kicked.. and that the way i treat things or ppl can be much better though my mind that has been opened cannot be closed again..

another phase in life.. another learning..

with honors.. a show that i caught on tv today..

graduating school with honors?

how about graduating life with honors..

don't quit

when things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
when the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
when the funds are low and the debts are high
and you want to smile but you have to sigh,
when care is pressing you down a bit,
rest if you must but don't quit.

life is queer with its twists and turns,
as everyone of us sometimes learn,
and many a failure turns about
when he might have won had he stuck it out;
don't give up though the pace seems sloe
you may succeed with another blow.

success is failure turned inside out
the silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
and you never can tell how close you are
it may be near when it seems so far;
so stick to the fight when you're the hardest hit
it's when things seems worst that you must not quit.



a poem that a teacher long ago gave to my class.. can't rem who gave it but.. it has been with me ever since..

been thinking about my reaction.. why the frustration.. it's tiring.. i'm tired.. mentally and physically.. arguing tires me alot.. i don't want to.. but .. i reacted and it ended up in an argument..

i need to stop reacting.. it's not good for me or for anyone.. and it's end result is definitely not want i want..


remembering how to assess situations in terms of want i want out of it and wat i need to do to get it..

clarity is wat i need.. seeing things at its simplest form..

self doubt.. something that has always been a bad habit of mine.. get an attack of it every now and then..

i've always been stumped when ppl ask me wat i'm good at.. no ans seems to be popping into my head.. am i that insecure about myself that i don't know wat are my strengths?

Why do I always prepare myself for rejection? And always think that good things will come to an end? I fear that they do.. but it seems like as if this act of fearing brings me closer to wat I fear.. so wat do I do? Feel more secure to rid the fear so that wat I fear will happen won’t happen? How do I do that?

Waiting to see wat will happen next is always so painful to do.. no sense of control.. feels as if waiting for death sentence.. but.. another qn. Will I truly die? Maybe sad for awhile.. maybe.. will i'll end up fine? I have no idea.. but it will definitely not be the same again… sigh..

Starting to doubt whether I’m a nice/good person to hang around with.. all the insecurities.. all my irritations seem to come out with stress and the feeling of inability to do things that I see needs to be done.. I think I’m following someone’s footsteps.. the old and cranky senior..

Plunging into camp felt like I’m finally free from the moaning and gloom that I don’t know wat to do with my life.. it gave me a sense of direction and motivation.. plunging into comm… I end up degenerating in to a ball of mess.. full of actions and reactions.. where did the thinking go to.. I wonder.. have I done anything that I can be proud of? I’m afraid to ans that qn.. but I know being like a porcupine for the past yr is not easy on the ppl who cares for me.. can I make up for wat I did or did not do to/for them? I don’t know.. I hope I can.. someone show me the way.. the little lost gal here just want to find her way back home..

I know that some things are irreversible.. I just want make things right.. the child in me hopes that everything will be good and fine again..

i can't help but feel that i have done something wrong to deserve this.. but.. i don't know wat i did.. so.. how?

maybe i suck at being a good one.. and only receive and not give..

blame it all on the insecure attachments that i had as a infant..

argh.. later

sleeping in my paper nest... again.. where's eil??!

haha.. 3 more webcast to go.. aren't i good? ahahha

hmm.. but text book.. still 10 chap to go... i should just read milestones and summary right?

that's if i have time.. 14hrs to a 15% test.. argh...

very interesting how once i step into my room in pgp, i start to watch my webcast and do my readings..

well having no bed sheets is surely a deterrence to sleeping..



did i posted about my bro telling my ma that he thinks i can't find a guy who would want to marry me?

well.. my mum's harping on it again.. haha.. she say last time when she was my age she had alot of suitors even though she not pretty, how come i don't have..

well don't know why.. maybe i too scary.. not gf material.. too tomboy.. too loud.. etc..

haha.. and.. shar suggested to stalk international sch ppl.. she thinks it's the case that singaporean guys don't appreciate me.. maybe.. who knows..

see how lar.. no one will know wat will happen in the future.. maybe next time my suitors queue from jurong to changi.. hahahha.. must be longer than my mum's queue of suitors.. otherwise she say i lao ya again..


enuf of day(night) dreaming about men.. back to 10 webcast and 10.5 chap of dev..

lyrics surfing.. haha.. should be studying..

best part is.. never heard these songs before..

"Starting Today"
natalie imbruglia

Starting today I'm not gonna waste another moment
Even if I had the chance before I would have blown it
But you took me by surprise
And you caught me just in time
Everyday you give me reason not to walk away
I stop believing that the world's gone crazy
And if it is you'll save me
Starting today I'm not gonna worry about tomorrow
I'll wash away all this fear that's left me feeling hollow
Cause you made me want to try
And you caught me just in time
Everyday you give me reason not to walk away
I'll stop believing I should burn like crazy
Cos if I did you chase me

Anyway, I should have told you
So many times
That I shyed away
Somehow you always seem to
Be there, making it easy
And you give me reason to stay

Everyday, Everyday, Everyday
Oh everyday I'll stop believing that I should burn like crazy
Cos if I did you chase me
Anyway you give me reason not to walk away
I stop believing that the world's gone crazy
And if it is you'll save me

Starting today I'm not gonna waste another moment...

"The Journey Home"
sarah brightman

The journey home is never too long
Your heart arrives before the train
The journey home is never too long
Some yesterdays always remain

I'm going back to where my heart was light
When my pillow was a ship, I sailed through the night

Aaah, aaah, aaah, aaah, aaah...

The journey home is never too long
When open hearts are waiting there
The journey home is never too long
There's room to love and room to spare
I want to feel the way that I did then
And think my wishes through before I wish again

Aaah, aaah, aaah, aaah, aaah...

Not every boat you come across is one you have to take
No, sometimes standing still can be the best move you ever make

The journey home is never too long
Comes helps to heal the deepest pain
The journey home is never too long
Your heart arrives before the train

Thursday, November 10, 2005.

"i am never the favourite, the popular, the smartest, the talented, the most attractive, nor am i the most hated, the naughtiest, haughty, evil, destroyer, prankster. i am bland. as bland as water can be. and my life was too."

"how i wish my life was exciting, extraordinary.. i don't mind that it may suck like hell or there are many ups and downs in my life. some may think that i am naive, or even dumb maybe. but i don't care. at least i would have had some experiences that will be deeply imprinted in my memory, giving me guidance, shaping and defining me."

"it would be nice if someday, before we die, we can get to see a repeat telecast of wat we have done this lifetime.. to evaluate, to rejoice, to regret or even just to understand wat we have gone through from a third person's perspective.."

"the ppl that i have met, those that i remember and some that i had forgotten. the person that i was like, how i have grown and change, or didn't change. who and wat shaped me. have i done good enough, or could i have done more. all these i am very interested to know.. a video of my life"

"how long will i live? i am not sure, but i want to make the best out of it. i don't want to leave without putting up a good fight, to leave a mark on this earth"


parts of a post i posted then..

sometimes.. i think i hate getting wat i wished for.. maybe ppl shouldn't wish for things cos... getting them never seem as nice as imagining having it..

but if u were to ask if i've regretted doing wat i've done... i'm not sure.. but i'll definitely regret if i've hurt someone.. other than that? no.. i won't regret.. cos i've learnt alot from them.. maybe it is the pt in my life where i am suppose to learn them.. a journey.. not an end..

need to thank alot of ppl who stuck with me thru the periods of storm.. being understanding and accommodating.. i haven't been the best of friends to be with.. yet u are there when i needed someone.. so.. thank you..

where have i been the past year? have i forgotten who i am?

finding me..

wat's out there when i graduate?

a future unknown..

i will go where i'm meant to be.. wherever it may be..



thinking of buying the singapore dream book.. i shall.. it'll be up on the shelves on mon.. hmm.. maybe should buy on wed.. otherwise dev text will be chucked some place..

it's been a long time since i've last read anything outside textbooks..

why can't u just let go?

i need space and time to grow.. u are too suffocating..

u can't keep me by ur side forever..

thinking.. thinking.. still thinking.. i'll work all of it out..

no more on autopilot now.. manual is still the best..

i'll be back..

歌曲：眼神

歌手：孙燕姿 专辑：leave

被现实推挤
梦想会变形
执着让人
觉得好吃力

我只是看着你
了解的神情
微笑扬起
又能继～～续

有时候爱是一种眼神
赶走所有苦闷
是你让我记得自己不是一个人

有你在什么都有可能
因为彼此信任
真的爱情不需要保证(会恒温)

你从不劝我
别逆风飞行
牵手陪我
向梦前～～进

歌曲：我想

歌手：孙燕姿 专辑：leave

我忘了忘了多久没见面
你还在为那件事而翻脸
我不能改变你的平衡点
总爱往不快乐的一边陷

你给我的那张地图
已经没有快乐的路
好不好我就专程
拨个电话向你问个清楚
天黑了路不是很清楚
天亮了吹不散大雾
看不清风景的面目
我该踏出哪一步

我想我已经没有后路
只是你的帮助
我的天空一天比一天
比你更模糊
我想你一定比我清楚
我已经没有后路
只是你都看不出
我想我不能再装傻一点
瞎了眼变成看不见
我的蜕变

害怕-孙燕姿

忘
我没有很努力要自己去遗忘
那些和日记一起收藏的过往
孤单在思绪之中变得很漫长

想
我没有很刻意让自己不去想
那些和照片静止的模样
我学着坚强
坚强到不用学着不想
学着遗忘

还是害怕夜深人静时总想起你
还是害怕的不经意听见你的消息
然而当爱已经沉淀得太清晰
当拥有已经是失去
就勇敢的放弃

还是害怕一个人时就很难忘记
还是害怕突然宁愿当初没有决定
然而当爱最后的出口是分离
我会这么相信
走下去

i'm such a contradiction.. things i say.. things i do.. things i feel.. things i see..

was looking thru old posts of feb last year.. and how diff it was from the posts i have this yr.. i have gone down some self pity-ing self demoralising self denial road.. i need to get out..

my life is just great..

now.. i can't fall asleep.. i need to sleep.. i'm tired.. let me sleep pls..

伤口- z chen
我们彼此留下一个无法痊愈的伤口给对方
痛着醒来痛着入睡 _ 即使早已远离当时的战场
遗憾昨日的笑容无法出现在今天的脸上
那些模样历经沧桑 _ 宁愿提醒自己该如何学习遗忘

伤口被时间贿酪 _ 伤口让勇气沉默
伤口没收了原本属于我蓝色的天空
你还是可以温柔 _ 伤痛让我去承受
伤口竟成了如今找寻你的线索

遗憾昨日的笑容无法出现在今天的脸上
那些模样历经沧桑宁愿提醒自己该如何学习遗忘

伤口被时间贿酪 _ 伤口让勇气沉默
伤口没收了原本属于我蓝色的天空
你还是可以温柔 _ 伤痛让我去承受
伤口竟成了如今找寻你的线索

伤口被时间贿酪 _ 伤口让勇气沉默
伤口没收了原本属于我蓝色的天空
你还是可以温柔 _ 伤痛让我去承受
只是别忘了原本属于你的是我

人生数十年，朋友，你追求什么？

世上一切都要过去； 我们不过是客旅。

过眼云烟、昙花一现； 一切都毫无意义，

犹如一声叹息，转眼成空、如飞而去。

for a person who don't like ppl to see me cry..

tearing and walking around in sch with toilet paper stuff to my nose is definitely not the way to go..

been too emotional this week.. maybe i'm pms-ing..

happy day? well.. can say so..

received a verdict in the morning... from my dad.. he gave a yes... haha.. finally.. i guess we are all learning to get used to me being an adult.. well.. a first step.. a hard bargain.. i must get good grades.. haha.. how does one month in the hall equate to a confirm get better grades.. but.. i'll do my best..



good news came when i reach home too.. not that i won 4d.. well.. not that i buy either.. my ma changing job.. and she's happy about it.. so.. yar.. very happy for her.. it reminds me again how adaptable my ma is.. she just worries too much.. but.. at least now she worries less..




don't know how to make of my mood today though..


i wonder.. is my dad right about saying that i should learn when to keep my mouth shut cos most of the time it's inappropriate and the tone irritates ppl..