I used to be able to trust people so easily, to believe that people deserve second chances and that they have the ability or the potential as long as someone is willing to give them that chance.. I believed that miracles can happen.. that ppl can change.. that things will always turn for the better..

Funny thing how these thots disappeared in less than a year.. amazing how some ppl and events can have so much power to do that.. and you are right.. I’ve become so jaded that even I feel scary that I am so much so.. I’m tired.. nothing’s helping..

But I believe it’s a phase.. I just need to work it out.. I need to find my inner strength.. to find back my believe.. I need to find my motivation.. it’s my battle that I must fight.. or maybe not a battle but something I have to seek within myself.. I don’t want it to come from outside cos once that’s gone, I’ll lose energy again.. I need to find it from within.. my own drive..

It’s not that hard.. it’s already there.. just that whether I want to rid myself of that bitter taste that they have failed me time and time again.. well.. my pettiness usually don’t last too long.. it’s still there cos I don’t want to let it go.. childish I guess.. maybe to me, it’s a revenge of sorts.. perverse way of dealing with the current situation.. to make me feel at ease with myself without having to literally kill ppl and get myself into prison for that..

Ah well.. it’s time to let go.. I have to do wat I have to do.. emotionally, logically and practicality-wise it makes the most sense.. I’d be stupid not to take that route.. and yes.. I might just regret it someday if I chose not to do it.. I’m not into reducing cognitive dissonances for wat-I-could-but-did-not-do stuff.. I might just blame myself till the day I die..

So.. in order for me not regret and u trying to comfort me on my death bed that it wasn’t my fault.. and frankly speaking we have one too many topics to cover on my/your death bed.. we don’t need to add this thing to that list.. haha.. and just maybe, maturity does come with age.. turning 22 makes me feel that I need to learn to be more mature..


It’s not for me to punish, though they may deserve the punishment..
(this is a time when I want to believe that there is a god.. but then again.. gods should be nice and all forgiving..)

People should not suffer for the mistake that were made by others..

I do not want to look back and see a life full of regrets..

There is always hope.. as long and you believe..
(well.. not really hope.. I personally don’t like the word hope.. too helpless and too up to fate kind of thing.. I like to see it as having the possibility to come true.. sorry.. a maths person here..)

Hey, it’s june! lets create that spark that will cause a forest fire!
(lame.. but hey, u cannot say it is not creative right? Hah)