my thots exactly..
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孙燕姿-关于
作词:阿管 al kuan
作曲composer :黄韵仁eric ng

我我的心里
住了一大群
吵闹的风笛

我想要旅行
没有目的地
单纯逃离

关于人们窃窃私语
笑容的真实
我并不想在意
关于生活的选择题
答案在风里
我想起了
一首歌的道理

我怎么定义
不想做决定
也没关系

关于爱不爱的问题
谎言的善意
我只想清干净
关于生命的是非题
答案在雨里
我只看见
淡灰色的风景

受过伤的记忆
一直都还没有痊愈
需要被隔离
需要更多的空气
我让自己相信
终于在长期折磨里
得到免疫

关于人们窃窃私语
笑容的真实
我并不想在意
关于生活的选择题
答案在风里
我想起了
一首歌的旋律

孙燕姿-漩涡
作词:小寒
作曲:李偲菘

总装着很有把握
不准爱渗入生活
才发现闯了祸
让你当真以为我的心上了锁
让你绝望地走
成全独立的我
好想捂住耳朵
不想不看不想听谁说
好想蹲在角落
把谴责的眼光都躲过

像个黑色漩涡
将我吞没
悔恨已逃不脱

我承认这都是我
感情事处理得不妥
从不说
我爱你
那么多

原来人可能脆弱
爱让我很难振作
我坐在最前座
人生第一次面对什么叫落寞
经历你这一走
最大傻瓜是我

我不要谁好心帮我
每个人像在隔岸观火
看我犯错
提醒我说
都是我的错
提醒我说
逼你离开我

就算同情是条绳索
我也没办法伸出双手
拯救自己(除了你)
除非是你(拯救我)
肯回头(为了我)
扭转这个结果

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maybe.. some day..

shit is falling from the sky again.. argh..

hope i don't die from it..

everything seem to be gg down hill..


argh.. inefficienct.. cannot stand.. i don't seem to be doing things right... many things not settled.. procrastinating.. argh!!!

i want to disappear..

sometimes i wonder why ppl live to take this kind of shit day in and day out..

i myself am sick and tired..

my pri sch friends believe i'll achieve great things in life..

i wish i have that much faith in myself..

hmm.. don't feel like working..

ah... hardwork hardwork..

bopian.. need to work..

i miss the carefree days..

i need to find a job that i would wake up and look forward to doing..

OMG!!!!! i actually thot that today was tues!!!

fainted... i really really thot it was tues.. from the time i woke up till just now... if it wasn't for my ma asking me why am i gg to work tmr when tmr is thurs... i would have woken up tmr at 7.30am to prepare to go for work...

ok.. i have officially gone kuku.. think too much for the pass few days.. today wat day also don't know..

still in disbelief..

someone.. pls HIRE ME!!

haha.. not like some boss is reading my blog..

ah well...


today didn't go as planned.. ends up that chelsea was not the trainer today but she had to sit in.. which equates to her not being able to let the class out at 3.30pm.. and her having to sneak out to 'fill water bottle'.. haha.. so sec sch/jc... hard to expect working adults also use the same trick..

so i ending up gg back home pretty early..

managed to finish another drama.. my life seems to revolve around dramas, work, eat, sleep..

never knew i could be this boring.. haha

even though today's calls were quite sucky.. i am happy today.. thanks to my 3 angel in the green co..

i got to catch charlene (my trainer when i was still a greenie) as she was gg for her lunch break and whined A BIT about work to her.. she's so cute.. haha.. felt alittle stupid for whining cos i sound like some spoilt brat who had never worked before and whining cos of some small stuff that i've encountered.. i still think she reminds me alot of eil.. haha.. even the chinese.. ahahaha..

jen popped by today and was ever so kind to offer help and advice.. i miss having this team leader around.. too bad she move to the other team.. hope she comes back soon!

after unofficial working hrs.. popped by downstairs to catch another of my trainer chelsea.. she's such a sweetheart.. never fail to make me laugh and offer me goodies that always piles up at her desk.. and tmr i'm crashing her training session!! haha.. imagine.. she told me that she'll get the new hires to go for break at 3.30pm cos that's the time i get off work, so that i can go in and find her.. muahaha.. i feel very da pai.. hehe..



and nott sounds super chirpy today.. don't know wat med she ate.. but felt good talking to her.. it seems like it's been a long time.. but the last we talked was like wat... hmm.. day 0 night of camp?

yes yes.. i miss u lar.. happy?


hmm.. why do i declare this kind of thing on my blog?

good thing not many ppl read this..

hmm.. yar...

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i need to..
go for driving lessons
pack my table and room
go for psych camp chalet
go for friend's bdae celebration
meet up with pri sch friends
call for main comm meeting
counsel myself out of this depressive i-don't-like-the shit-in-my-job mood
buy clothes/shoes/etc
finish reading the books i've bought/borrowed
think about want i want to do after my crazy stint at the green co ends
do some evaluation of self
distance myself from everything to get fresh new perspective
thank some ppl for the love and support this past few years..

and all i want is to..
not do anything and finish the above things that only require me to think..


i think i was meant to stay in the olden age where ppl can sit and think all day long..

i hate it when i'm not given enuf info and have to smoke my way thru.. ppl who took the effort and time to call in deserve better than this..

i really don't like to be squashed in the middle..

and i really really don't like customers who act nice but actually is very difficult to handle.. one would think that a screaming customer is harder to handle than a nice one.. but these NICE ppl either can never get wat u say(they just reiterate wat they want over and over and OVER again), don't want to get wat you are trying to say or gets wat u say but still wants it their way and not believe a single thing u tell them..

and i don't like the way i'm handling them either.. i really don't know how to deal with them.. i thought i would learn from ppl here but i realise.. they are too busy to help/don't want to help/don't know how to help/not skilled to handle/give advice on how to handle but advice a vague which only gives bottom line... once in awhile i manage to catch a team leader that gives good advice... but these few wks and prob the next few months... i think i'll be dying there..

the worst part is not about not being able to learn from ppl who have experience but the constant knowledge and fear that i am not that well equipped enuf to handle customers which might just lead to me creating a big enuf mistake that ppl will notice.. and then wat?


i'm sick and tired of this rubbish..


sometimes i think to myself.. maybe i just need to think it thru, think about how to handle customers.. not everyone gets to be taught.. sometimes ppl just need to find it out themselves.. which makes me think about how cmi i am at thinking things thru on my own cos i have a very slow thinking speed for this kind of thing.. i am fast only if someone with experience/good qn-ing ability to talk to me.. my brain needs to be pushed and shown at least once how to do things.. i can think of more ways if i'm shown the way it is done and the rational behind them...

i don't know.. i'm not a quitter and i don't like to be one.. i really don't want to be one..

i'm not very good company nowadays..

self-sufficient... self-absorbed?


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my bro is gg army today.. how am i suppose to feel?

sigh..

the urge to run is high.. but when rationality sets in.. all seems well... but for how long?

i need a guide to show me my way...

i have not yet found the reason..

to be thanked.. is something nice to have but not necessary for me...

wat i did not expected was to be scolded... i was quite indignant..

but.. after recovering from the feeling of being.. i dont know how to describe the feeling... just quite upsetting for me lar.. i do agree that i deserved it..

if you have asked me would i had done wat i did if it were a year or two ago, i would tell you it's not possible..

maybe i've really changed alot the past few years.. i don't quite recognise myself anymore..

it's not easy to deal w a sudden attack of an identity crisis when u are lacking sleep and had just blurted out an emotional speech..

so i left for a walk.. and i guess it worked.. felt alot better.. but there's still alot to think about..