ARGHH!!!!!! so irritated... i seriously cannot understand what goes thru my father's head..

my father's decree: i have to go down to my grandma's to help take care of her everyday unless i have things to do..

firstly.. my grandma don't need help.. not much, at least.. she is not an invalid... i don't have to feed her, don't have to hold on to her to make sure she can move from one place to another..

secondly.. even if there are things to do like mop floor or wat.. they don't let me do it!! my aunt won't allow me to help.. my grandma will take the task from me and do..

lastly.. how is it TAKING CARE of my grandma when my mere presence will make her want to find food for me to eat, bring things for me to drink and come in to the room to check if i'm ok???!!!!!

even if i insist on helping around the house, i'm denied of it... even when i tell my grandma i don't want anything, she will still bring me things... her want to take care of me is so great that i can't do anything to help...

can't my thick skulled father understand this??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

finally cleared my things out from the school.. nothing more to go back for.. it had a feeling of finality.. i have nothing more to do with the place that i spent 4yrs plus in..

letting go.. easy to say, hard to achieve.. but the first step is always walking away.. and then the feelings will slowly fade.. forgetting is an inbuilt mechanism that helps human beings cope with the ever changing world.. allowing them to move on...

-----
i seem to be stuck... the feeling of being in between places, time and space.. can't seem to step out of it for i know not where to go.. i am lost... not knowing my role in this world.. not knowing my worth..

i need a beacon...

----
something more light hearted in case my troublesome cousins say that i'm emo-ing again... haha...

i went for a walk today... 3.5km.. all the way from jurong east mrt station to clementi mrt station.. wanted to walk all the way to nus but.... due to my lousy choice of footwear for walking.. had to stop at clementi cos i was developing blisters on my toes.. so yes.. never wear slippers for long walks.. and, pt of info.. it takes 40mins to walk 3.5km..

u might be asking why the sudden interest in walking.. well... been cooped up in the house for too long, to the pt that my dad is worried that i might develop depression or something.... and like yar.. was watching 'supersize me', seeing the amt of macs the person ate and all the obese ppl walking around in the film made me think that i should like be healthier and do some exercise..

still feel like cycling though... anyone up for it?

Perfect - Simple Plan
Hey Dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according
To plan?
Do you think I’m wasting
My time doing things I
Wanna do?
But it hurts when you
Disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can’t pretend that
I’m alright
And you can’t change me

‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be
My hero?
All the days
You spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don’t
Care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can’t stand another fight
And nothing’ alright

‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect

Nothing’s gonna change
The things that you said
Nothing’s gonna make this
Right again
Please don’t turn your back
I can’t believe it’s hard
Just to talk to you
But you don’t understand

‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect

‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect

My Happiness - Wo de kuai le - 我的快樂

徘了徊了走了 错了哭了痛了
累了倦了困了 烦的乱的冷的
都是真的

疯的想的念的 不安的焦虑的
复杂的梦过的 拥有的失去的
怎么忘呢

你坐过的沙发宽了 你爱的音乐停了
我等着你等成了 摆设

我的你的他的 好的坏的难的
灰的蓝的黄的 酸的甜的苦的
都还记得

非常想遗忘的 绝对不能忘的
我想要换你了 真的不想要了
只得放了

环岛的火车载着我第几天了
忽然发现这一刻我不想你了

我的快乐 会回来的
只要清楚曾爱得那么深刻
不准问值不值得

我的快乐 会回来的
离开不是谁给了谁的选择

我的快乐 会回来的
只要清楚曾爱得那么深刻
不准问值不值得

我的快乐 会回来的
离开不是谁给了谁的选择

我的快乐 会回来的
只要清楚曾爱得那么深刻
不准问值不值得

我的快乐 会回来的
离开不是你给了我的选择

疯的想的念的 不安的焦虑的
复杂的梦过的 拥有的失去的
怎么忘呢

非常想遗忘的 绝对不能忘的
我想要换你了 真的不行要了
只得放了
放了~~~
忘了~~~

can't seem to fall asleep nowadays.. not good..

haha.. maybe i should take sharon's suggestion... maybe..

home-cooked food.. don't know why but i've always loved it more than any delicious food i can buy outside..

maybe it's the familiar taste.. or maybe it's the warmth i feel eating them.. or the thot that ppl put into cooking them..

i think u can almost bribe me to do anything with home-cooked food.. hahaha..

it's been a wk since i stepped down from society.. three days from 'work'..

it feels liberating to not be bounded by anything... letting go never seems to be my issue... it seems like anything goes...

i hope that the 3rd comm will have a wonderful year ahead.... and also hope that i get a job i love that i can develop into a career..