enter at your own risk.. i will not entertain.. u may think that it is mundane or that it is too unbelievable to be true.. so wat?
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
took quite some time before i could remember something.. and even then... it's like trying to remember wat i dreamt of the night before.. everything feels so dream like and hazy..
i haven't been drinking.. lol, don't worry.. but.. this lack of memory encoding or recall is quite worrisome.. sigh.. maybe i have reached my limit.. or it might just simply be due to low quality sleep that i have been having ever since so many issues crop up at work..
Monday, December 26, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
i need to keep telling myself that..
ppl are such contradictions.. don't understand.. sometimes i wonder if i should adopt the view that behavior is more truthful than the words ppl speak.. even though i always would want to believe wat ppl say, becos i believe and respect ppl... is that so... wrong?
why do ppl have to lie about non consequential stuff? this.. i don't get...
Monday, December 05, 2011
Sunday, December 04, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
does it make me too invasive, breaching ppl's defenses? does it make me a busybody who don't know when to back off? or does it make me look like a manipulator who is digging for secrets? maybe it is so in others' eyes.. so disheartening.. is there no good that ppl can do for one another? or just that ppl don't believe in anything anymore?
maybe that's wat i have been doing to ppl too. maybe the manisfestation of my care and concern is not wat they need.
can't ppl just ask wat other ppl want before they give it to them?
but then again, how many ppl can answer honestly and directly when being asked?
and how many ppl when given a reply, truly believe the answer that was given?
ppl are just so screwed up. including me. great.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
hmmm...
anyway... an interesting topic of discussion came up.. am i a person who has an inclination to rely on or place too much value on emotion, aka heavily sentimental person.
i have always believe that i am a person who lives by logic.. and to me, right and wrong is more important than how close the person is in relation to me..
but of course, there have been ocassions that prove otherwise.. totally illogical to the point of ridiculous.. so... am i confused? disillusioned? or just being a gemini? lol..
but according to the below... i am.
重感情的人有这种习惯来源
⒈ 总会把事情想得很长久
⒉ 喜欢黑夜 习惯晚睡
⒊ 很固执 不懂得放弃 但一旦放弃了就绝不会回头
⒋ 在别人面前笑得很开心 一个人旳时候却很漠落
⒌ 在陌生人面前很安静 在朋友面前胡闹
⒍ 喜欢写字 阅读
⒎ 莫名地孤单 无法抗拒的恐惧感
⒏ 不爱说话 很爱说话
⒐ 心情不好旳时候 却喜欢听悲歌
⒑ 容易满足 更容易受伤
⒒ 习惯了沉默 在沉默中爆发或者选择灭亡
⒓ 习惯保留自己 因为只有这样在离开旳时候 心才不会痛
⒔ 不相信童话 却一直期待会有个真正懂得自己保护自己旳人出现
⒕ 喜欢怀旧 之后感到深深旳寂寞 恐惧
⒖ 一点点事就胡思乱想 想到戏剧般旳吓人
⒗ 付出旳远远超过得到旳
⒘ 坐在电脑前 不知道做什么 却又不想关掉它
⒙ 觉得世界上每一个人都不可靠 但却还是那样地选择相信别人
⒚ 不习惯一个人莫名其妙地消失在自己旳生命中
⒚ 心事放在心底,有一个自己的世界文章来源于
⒚ 总有一种被忽视的感觉, 偶尔会有种想消失的念头
Monday, November 07, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
or am i too practical and logical about it? but i obviously see solutions which ppl are not taking..
i guess ppl won't die from being around ppl who do things they hate... but i would want to get away.. no one has the right to mentally abuse anyone.. does it mean that i am cold hearted and unforgiving?
maybe i haven't loved anyone that deeply in my life, not even family... but i do believe that staying around does not mean that it's the best thing for both parties.. and leaving doesn't mean giving up on them.. sometimes the act of leaving allows ppl to learn more and grow more..
time to start packing?
good qn..
Monday, October 17, 2011
入戏太深 - 陈洁仪
词黄桂兰
曲吴旭文
周围灯光缓缓的亮起
梦境在逐渐成形
身后场景分外的美丽
世界也一起失真
我正入镜
你又导又演的这场戏
爱情剧本百转又千回
编写伤心
你的台词一句句扣我神魂
恍惚中
我为你流下真的泪
我为你专注的表演
已耗尽力气
我竟如此入戏太深
拿捏之间失了分寸
我竟如此入戏太深
梦和现实乱了界线
我竟忘记原本的自己
全陷入你要的角色里
恍惚中
我为你流下真的泪
我为你专注的表演
已耗尽力气
我竟如此入戏太深
拿捏之间失了分寸
我竟如此入戏太深
梦和现实乱了界线
我竟忘记原本的自己
全陷入你要的角色里
我竟如此入戏太深
拿捏之间失了分寸
我竟如此入戏太深
梦和现实乱了界线
我竟忘记原本的自己
全陷入你要的角色里
周围灯光缓缓的暗去
漆黑漫入我身躯
身后场景片片的卸去
世界也跟著破碎
你早已出镜
我却留在原地
留在故事里
interesting concept, shared by s.
February 23, 1996
How to Procrastinate and Still Get Things Done
By John Perry
I have been intending to write this essay for months. Why am I finally doing it? Because I finally found some uncommitted time? Wrong. I have papers to grade, a grant proposal to review, drafts of dissertations to read.
I am working on this essay as a way of not doing all of those things. This is the essence of what I call structured procrastination, an amazing strategy I have discovered that converts procrastinators into effective human beings, respected and admired for all that they can accomplish and the good use they make of time.
All procrastinators put off things they have to do. Structured procrastination is the art of making this bad trait work for you. The key idea is that procrastinating does not mean doing absolutely nothing. Procrastinators seldom do absolutely nothing; they do marginally useful things, such as gardening or sharpening pencils or making a diagram of how they will reorganize their files when they find the time. Why does the procrastinator do these things? Because accomplishing these tasks is a way of not doing something more important.
If all the procrastinator had left to do was to sharpen some pencils, no force on earth could get him to do it. However, the procrastinator can be motivated to do difficult, timely, and important tasks, as long as these tasks are a way of not doing something more important.
To make structured procrastination work for you, begin by establishing a hierarchy of the tasks you have to do, in order of importance from the most urgent to the least important. Even though the most-important tasks are on top, you have worthwhile tasks to perform lower on the list. Doing those tasks becomes a way of not doing the things higher on the list. With this sort of appropriate task structure, you can become a useful citizen. Indeed, the procrastinator can even acquire, as I have, a reputation for getting a lot done.
The most perfect situation for structured procrastination that I have encountered occurred when my wife and I served as resident fellows in Soto House, a Stanford University dormitory. In the evening, faced with papers to grade, lectures to prepare, and committee work to do, I would leave our cottage next to the dorm and go over to the lounge and play Ping-Pong with the residents or talk things over with them in their rooms -- or even just sit in the lounge and read the paper. I got a reputation for being a terrific resident fellow, one of the rare profs on campus who spent time with undergraduates and got to know them. What a setup: Play Ping-Pong as a way of not doing more important things, and get a reputation as Mr. Chips.
Procrastinators often follow exactly the wrong tack. They try to minimize their commitments, assuming that if they have only a few things to do, they will quit procrastinating and get them done. But this approach ignores the basic nature of the procrastinator and destroys his most important source of motivation. The few tasks on his list will be, by definition, the most important. And the only way to avoid doing them will be to do nothing. This is the way to become a couch potato, not an effective human being.
At this point you may be asking, "How about the important tasks at the top of the list?" Admittedly, they pose a potential problem.
The second step in the art of structured procrastination is to pick the right sorts of projects for the top of the list. The ideal projects have two characteristics -- they seem to have clear deadlines (but really don't), and they seem awfully important (but really aren't). Luckily, life abounds with such tasks. At universities, the vast majority of tasks fall into those two categories, and I'm sure the same is true for most other institutions.
Take, for example, the item at the top of my list right now -- finishing an essay for a volume on the philosophy of language. It was supposed to be done 11 months ago. I have accomplished an enormous number of important things as a way of not working on it. A couple of months ago, nagged by guilt, I wrote a letter to the editor saying how sorry I was to be so late and expressing my good intentions to get to work. Writing the letter was, of course, a way of not working on the article. It turned out that I really wasn't much further behind schedule than anyone else. And how important is this article, anyway? Not so important that at some point something that I view as more important won't come along. Then I'll get to work on it.
Let me describe how I handled a familiar situation last summer. The book-order forms for a class scheduled for fall were overdue by early June. By July, it was easy to consider this an important task with a pressing deadline. (For procrastinators, deadlines start to press a week or two after they pass.) I got almost daily reminders from the department secretary; students sometimes asked me what we would be reading; and the unfilled order form sat right in the middle of my desk for weeks. This task was near the top of my list; it bothered me -- and motivated me to do other useful, but superficially less important, things. In fact, I knew that the bookstore was already plenty busy with forms filed by non-procrastinators. I knew that I could submit mine in midsummer and things would be fine. I just needed to order popular books from efficient publishers. I accepted another, apparently more important, task in early August, and my psyche finally felt comfortable about filling out the order form as a way of not doing this new task.
At this point, the observant reader may feel that structured procrastination requires a certain amount of self-deception, since one is, in effect, constantly perpetrating a pyramid scheme on oneself. Exactly. One needs to be able to recognize and commit oneself to tasks with inflated importance and unreal deadlines, while making oneself feel that they are important and urgent. This clears the way to accomplish several apparently less urgent, but eminently achievable, tasks. And virtually all procrastinators also have excellent skills at self-deception -- so what could be more noble than using one character flaw to offset the effects of another?
John Perry is a professor of philosophy at Stanford University.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
Tuesday, October 04, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
有人说,爱一个人不是因为他是谁,而是在他的面前你可以是谁,即使不小心暴露了,自己不美好的一面,他还是可以无条件接受,这就是真爱。
只要有运动家的精神,就算你知道自己不会是第一名,还是会全力冲刺不放弃,因为不到最后你怎么会知道结果是什么呢。
一个只能活在过去的人,是永远到不了未来的。
原来很多事情不是看不见,而是我只选择我想看见的。
有人争夺就有人失去。
你以为只有受伤的人才会痛吗?那伤人的那一个呢?她连喊痛的资格都没有。
人生没有走投无路的时候,也没有过不去的事情,只有过不去的心情。
下次看到你喜欢的人,仔细盯着她的眼睛,因为在她的眼里,你会看到真正的自己。那里,就是属于你最好的位置。
我们又不可能讨好所有的人,所以只要能好好的为自己所爱的人活着,这一辈子也值得啦。
Thursday, August 04, 2011
Monday, August 01, 2011
A FATHER'S RULES FOR FINDING FULFILLMENT - Paul
Be courteous, be punctual, always say please and thank you, and be sure to hold your knife and fork properly. Others take their cue on how to treat you from your manners.
Be kind, considerate and compassionate when others are in trouble, even if you have problems of your own. Others will admire your selflessness and will help you in due course.
Show moral courage. Do what is right, even if that makes you unpopular. I always thought it important to be able to look at myself in the shaving mirror every morning and not feel guilt or remorse. I depart this world with a pretty clear conscience.
Show humility. Stand your ground but pause to reflect on what the other side are saying, and back off when you know you are wrong. Never worry about losing face. That only happens when you are pig-headed.
Learn from your mistakes. You will make plenty so use them as a learning tool. If you keep making the same mistake or run into a problem, you’re doing something wrong.
Avoid disparaging someone to a third party; it is only you who will look bad. If you have a problem with someone, tell them face to face.
Hold fire! If someone crosses you, don’t react immediately. Once you say something it can never be taken back, and most people deserve a second chance.
Have fun. If this involves taking risks, so be it. If you get caught, hold your hands up.
Give to charity and help those who are less fortunate than yourselves: it’s easy and so rewarding.
Always look on the upside! The glass is half full, never half empty. Every adversity has a silver lining if you seek it out.
Make it your instinct always to say ‘yes’. Look for reasons to do something, not reasons to say no. Your friends will cherish you for that.
Be canny: you will get more of what you want if you can give someone more of what they desire. Compromise can be king.
Always accept a party invitation. You may not want to go, but they want you there. Show them courtesy and respect.
Never ever let a friend down. I would bury bodies for my friends, if they asked me to . . . which is why I have chosen them carefully.
Always tip for good service. It shows respect. But never reward poor service. Poor service is insulting.
Always treat those you meet as your social equal, whether they are above or below your station in life. For those above you, show due deference, but don’t be a sycophant.
Always respect age, as age equals wisdom.
Be prepared to put the interests of your sibling first.
Be proud of who you are and where you come from, but open your mind to other cultures and languages. When you begin to travel (as I hope you will), you’ll learn that your place in the world is both vital and insignificant. Don’t get too big for your breeches.
Be ambitious, but not nakedly so. Be prepared to back your assertions with craftsmanship and hard work.
Live every day to its full: do something that makes you smile or laugh, and avoid procrastination.
Give of your best at school. Some teachers forget that pupils need incentives. So if your teacher doesn’t give you one, devise your own.
Always pay the most you can afford. Never skimp on hotels, clothing, shoes, make-up or jewellery. But always look for a deal. You get what you pay for.
Never give up! My two little soldiers have no dad, but you are brave, big-hearted, fit and strong. You are also loved by an immensely kind and supportive team of family and friends. You make your own good fortune, my children, so battle on.
Never feel sorry for yourself, or at least don’t do it for long. Crying doesn’t make things better.
Look after your body and it will look after you.
Learn a language, or at least try. Never engage a person abroad in conversation without first greeting them in their own language; by all means ask if they speak English!
And finally, cherish your mother, and take very good care of her.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
Sunday, July 03, 2011
Saturday, July 02, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
作詞:嚴云農
作曲:張承濬
找不到人說心裡的寂寞
找不到人懂怕黑的折磨
找不到命中注定在一起的那個人
很多人都像我 一個人過生活
愛只有簡單筆畫 卻比想像複雜
恨安定愛變化 我愛過幾個人
也被愛過幾遍 卻還是沒能將幸福留下
愛是不可數的嗎 為何我還相信
它不是獨行俠 我在等一個人
在等我的永恆 告訴我愛不單行別害怕
用不完身邊泛濫的自由
開始怕孤單是一種詛咒
羨慕我能飛的人為何在天黑以後
還是寧願回到 愛情那個枷鎖
愛只有簡單筆畫 卻比想像複雜
恨安定愛變化 我愛過幾個人
也被愛過幾遍 卻還是沒能將幸福留下
愛是不可數的嗎 為何我還相信
它不是獨行俠 我在等一個人
在等我的永恆 告訴我愛不單行別害怕
愛只有簡單筆畫 卻比想像複雜
恨安定愛變化 我愛過幾個人
也被愛過幾遍 卻還是沒能將幸福留下
愛是不可數的嗎 為何我還相信
它不是獨行俠 我在等一個人
在等我的永恆 告訴我愛不單行別害怕
我在等一個人 在等我的永恆
告訴我愛不單行相信他
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
bur i think it's totally another level when the girlfriend of a girl insists that the girl's close female friend is a lesbian and believes that they are too close to be just friends..
talk abt humans with warped sense of reality..
Sunday, May 15, 2011
but then again.. confronting the misunderstanding.. shows that u want to resolve it..
i always think that ppl could think watever they want abt me, as long as i know wat i said and what i did is above board, i can live with myself.. but of course, it does not mean that it wont hurt when i get misunderstood..
a good lesson learnt.. never share your thots by typing them.. too many ways to misinterpret.. best to talk face to face..
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
Sunday, May 01, 2011
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
[break]
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Unpretty - TLC
I wish i could tie you up in my shoes
Make you feel unpretty too
I was told I was beautiful
But what does that mean to you
Look into the mirror who's inside there
The one with the long hair
Same old me again today (yeah)
My outsides are cool
My insides are blue
Every time I think i'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But its all the same
At the end of the day
I have my self to blame
I'm just trippin
Chorus:
You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up
that M.AC. can make
But if you can't look inside you
Find out who am I too
Be in a position to make me feel
So damn unpretty
I'll make you feel unpretty to
Never insecure until I met you
Now I'm bein stupid
I used to be so cute to me
Just a little bit skinny
Why do I look to all these things
To keep you happy
Maybe get rid of you
And then i'll get back to me (hey)
My outsides looks cool
My insides are blue
Everytime I think I'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But it's all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
Keep on trippin
You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up
that M.A.C can make
But if you can look inside you
Find out who am I too
Be in a position to make me feel
So damn unpretty
You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up
that M.A.C can make
But if you can look inside you
Find out who am I too
Be in a position to make me feel
So damn unpretty
I'll make you feel unpretty to(i'll make u feel unpretty too)
oh oh oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh oh (oh)
oh oh oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh oh (oh)
You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up
that M.A.C can make
But if you can look inside you
Find out who am I too
Be in a position to make me feel
So damn unpretty
You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up
That M.A.C can make
But if you can look inside you
Find out who am I too
Be in a position to make me feel
So damn unpretty
I'll make you feel unpretty too
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
something i read online.. i think it applies not only to romantic relationships.... good advice..
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-firestone/the-real-reason-youre-not-married_b_852128.html
Whether it's those lurking peak wedding months or the daily talk of royal nuptials, marriage is a subject we're hearing a lot about lately. Feelings about this trend seem to range from wild enthusiasm to mild resentment. Forgetting for a minute the adversity surrounding the institution of marriage and setting all ceremony aside, stripped down to its barest of bones, marriage is really just a long-term commitment to a serious intimate relationship.
Regardless of one's feeling about marriage, the idea of a lasting romantic relationship is of much significance to most people. So, despite this post's provocative name, what I really wish to offer here isn't so much a lecture on why a person isn't married but an explanation of why many people aren't able to form a lasting union with someone they love.
For many couples, the honeymoon phase is over before they even make it down the aisle. The reasons for this can be many, but one of them is a prevailing fear of intimacy. In nearly 30 years of research into the psychology of interpersonal relationships, both I and my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, Ph.D., have closely followed hundreds of clients and case studies of couples. In our research we have found overwhelming consistency in certain behavioral patterns that systematically sabotage real intimacy.
First off, the search for a partner to whom we feel a real attraction and deep connection is a challenge that it would be foolish to underestimate. The idea of a soul mate is a pleasing way to maintain faith that there is that perfect someone out there just waiting to complete us. The trouble is that when we seek this someone, we don't just look for a person who enhances our every attribute; we also look for people who match with our negative traits or fill holes leftover from our past.
If we are used to taking control, we may seek someone who is passive. If we are used to being a wallflower, we may seek someone who dominates conversations. Though the match may seem to work well or make us feel secure in the beginning, eventually we grow to resent our partners for the very quality that drew us to them in the first place.
As I wrote in my recent blog "Why You Keep Winding Up in the Same Relationship," the romantic choices we make are heavily informed by our early life experiences. If we grew up being treated as incompetent, it's very likely that we will seek out a partner who perceives us as incompetent. If we were intruded on, we're likely to choose someone who is overly attentive, focused or jealous. Conversely, we may seek someone who compensates for our pasts by acting distant or aloof. These often unconscious negative motivators reside within us like mis-attuned matchmakers, driving us toward destructive partners.
For example, a woman who grew up feeling rejected by her parents found herself choosing men who were distant and resistant to commitment. When she finally met someone who showed a real interest in her, however, she struggled to accept his affections. Even though her partner possessed the traits she'd thought she wanted, in many ways it was more comfortable to her to choose a more rejecting personality that fit familiarly into her previous self-image and past experience.
Going against our negative instincts and choosing someone who brings out the best in us is the first step toward finding lasting love. Yet, even when we find someone who is "good for us," there are many things we do to push love away.
In "Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage," author Elizabeth Gilbert wrote, "I mean, once the initial madness of desire has passed and we are faced with each other as dimwitted mortal fools, how is it that any of us find the ability to love and forgive each other at all, much less enduringly?"
Every human is flawed. Perfect soul mates don't exist, because perfect people don't exist. We have all been hurt in very particular ways that then allow us to hurt those close to us in other very particular ways. One of the ways we hurt our relationship is by distorting our partners. The flaws that drive us away from a loved one don't just appear the minute we move in or say "I do." They were there from the beginning when we weren't as likely to blow them out of proportion.
Yes, it is true, that often the closer we get to someone, the more driven we become to push them away. This is also a side-effect of a fear of intimacy lingering below the surface and warning us not to be too vulnerable or too intimate. However, this fear also motivates us to react to our partners in ways that are excessively controlling, critical and unkind. We start to read negative intent into our partner's actions and seek hidden meaning in their words. We can take a behavior as simple as a delay in unlocking the passenger door to a car as insensitive, or we can feel hurt by something as natural as our partner choosing to spend an evening out with friends.
When we sense ourselves becoming mean and critical of our partner, we should take note of how we may be distorting him or her. It's important to be aware of an internal coach informing us of our many faults as well as those of our partner. Be wary of a critical inner voice telling us to be upset, suspicious and mistrusting.
That voice may be saying things like, "Where is he tonight? I can't believe he didn't call you. He's so insensitive." Or, "All that she ever does is nag at me. Why won't she just leave me alone?" These thoughts are rarely entirely accurate representations of our partners. Still, the more we react to them, the more we actually provoke these characteristic in our partners. Worse yet, we accomplish the very goal of our critical inner coach; we create distance from our partner by failing to relate to him or her in a way that is sensitive or attuned.
In one of my father's books, "Fear of Intimacy," he wrote, "The average person is unaware that he or she is living out a negative destiny according to his or her past programming, preserving his or her familiar identity, and, in the process, pushing love away. On an unconscious level, many people sense that if they did not push love away, the whole world, as they have experienced it, would be shattered and they would not know who they were."
Though people claim to seek real love, when they find it, they are often unprepared for the many challenges that ensue. When we find someone who makes us happy, it often shakes us to our core. Our perception of ourselves and our lives is turned on its head, and we are forced to expand our capacity for love and closeness. Feeling another person's affection for us challenges any defenses we've grown accustomed to in the course of our lives. When these defenses are challenged, we tend not only to turn against our partners but to provoke them into acting in ways that fit in with our past.
For example, a friend of mine often tells stories of growing up feeling intruded on by his mother. Whether she showered him with excessive praise over small accomplishments or erupted at him when he neglected to study, he rarely felt appropriately seen or sensitively treated by her. After years of dating women who showed similar controlling patterns, my friend fell in love with a woman who he felt respected him as an individual.
After a while, however, he noticed himself having trouble making decisions and starting to make out-of-character mistakes like losing things around the house or getting lost on the road. His behavior started to provoke his partner, who found herself both literally and figuratively taking the driver's seat in their relationship. My friend then also grew annoyed by what he saw as his partner's new know-it-all attitude. By talking through it, the couple was able to gain a foothold on what was operating under the surface to cause the conflict in the first place. Though his motivation was entirely unconscious, my friend understood how he himself had provoked his partner's more dominating behaviors.
This pattern is shockingly common among couples. People who fear rejection find ways to push their partners away. People who feel aggressive find ways to control their partners, then feel critical for qualities they perceive as weak. We must be careful not to stage the scenarios that we later feel victimized by in our relationship. Manipulative acts like testing our partners with seemingly innocent questions about how we look or what they really think is never appropriate if we are hoping to provoke a certain response or to punish them for their answer.
If we are lucky enough to choose someone who inspires real feelings of love or passion, we must be wary of how we can try to alter that person to fit the phantoms of our past. It may be a struggle, but by getting to know ourselves and having compassion, we can show patience with ourselves and with our partners throughout this journey. We can share our stories and know each other as the individuals we truly are. By letting our guard down and revealing our soul, we may even find a soul mate.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
i just dreamt that there was a flood, no matter where i ran and how high i ran, the water keeps catching up to me. to be almost drowned by the water that kept coming and coming was quite horrifying.
wat can i do? i can wake up from a dream eventually. but life? how does one wake up from it?
lol. the only way is to rest in peace. funny huh? to wake up from life, one has to sleep forever.
sigh. i need rest.
Monday, April 18, 2011
everything has it's cause and effect.. and a person's character influences the person to adopt a perspective and blinds them to others..
most things are a result of misunderstanding... a mismatch of perception... so... like wat i say... humans are... really not intellegent..
or maybe 聪明反被聪明误..
i have been living aimlessly for long enuf..
i should ask my bro how to manage my money so that i have enuf to start investing in stocks and go for an exec masters in work psych..
but first.. i need to stabilize my spending habits.. and cut some unnecessary wastage..
Sunday, April 17, 2011
What's wrong, whats getting you down
Is it something I might have said?
You're walking around
with your head to the ground
and your eyes are watery red
I know you've been through rough times
Kicked around, thrown to the ground
but you've always been the strong one
So don't tell me that nobody gets you
'cause I'm standing in your corner
Knocking at your door
You don't have to be alone
Just call my name
Let me be an answer
'cause it hurts me to see you this way
I wanna ease your pain
Help me understand
Let me be your shelter my friend
We share a bond
You and I we belong
We're like coffee and morning trains
You strip my defenses
I catch your pretenses
The same blood runs through our veins
I swore I'd be your lifeline
Made a vow that I'd surround you with love at every milestone
I'll listen when nobody gets you
I'm still standing in your corner
Waiting by your door
You don't have to be alone
Just call my name
Let me be an answer
'cause it hurts me to see you this way
I wanna ease your pain
Help me understand
Let me be your shelter my friend
It was not too long ago
You sought to understand
You helped me mend
Remember when
So promise me you'll
Call my name
Let me be an answer
'cause it hurts me to see you this way
I wanna ease your pain
Help me understand
Let my be your shelter my friend
Corrinne May
On The Side Of Me lyrics
I'm often the one who lets things go unresolved
Yet you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me
Yet you choose to be on the side of me
On the side of me
I'm not too proud of some things
I've done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide
Yet you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me
Blessed Charity
You're on the side of me
On the side of me
'Cause everyone needs a friend to hold
When it's cold outside
And there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
All alone I cried
There was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
But you
I'm not the easiest person to love
But you, you've opened your heart to show me what I'm worth
'Cause you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me
What a mystery
You're on the side of me
On the side of me
'Cause everyone needs a friend to hold
When it's cold outside
And there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
All alone I cried
There was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you...
Yeah you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me
i realise that sometimes i say things that i don't mean when i get upset.. hmm..
i also get angry when i get upset.. lol... maybe to mask how upset i really am..
i think i don't feel alot of emotions becos i haven't encountered situations that produces them..
i'm capable of empathy.. lol.. i think i only feel it when ppl show raw outbursts of emotions + words.. easier to understand when they say it out.. it's even easier when i have experienced something similar..
i love mental closeness.. to be understood and to understand..
i have learnt not to fear my flaws.. i can confront them better now..
i believe i know wat kind of guy i want.. just that he haven't showed up yet.. lol.. lost maybe..
i still don't understand why ppl keep secrets, but i respect their decision..
i overindulge friends..
either everyone has issues or i tend to make good friends out of ppl with issues.. especially ppl with trust issues..
my loyalty overrides promises... this one is a shocker.. never did thot i would do that.. frankly quite disturbing.. still feeling uneasy abt it.. maybe it was an anomaly.. i hope so.. sigh..
maybe i would ask someone to put it up when i die.. lol..
Cry for me a little
Think of me sometimes
But not too much.
Think of me now and again
As I was in life
At some moments it's pleasant to recall
But not for long.
Leave me in peace
And I shall leave you in peace
And while you live
Let your thoughts be with the living.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
that aside... i think i need to learn to be stronger too.. and lose a little impervious-ness..
we seem to pretend that we are good at things, that we can cope, that we believe and we trust.. but day in and day out, we question ourselves, we wonder if we are that strong, that we are able to pull through the day...
i used to feel that i was an empty egg shell, that if i were cracked, there is nothing inside. nothing of substance.. so i try and try to fill it up... i have been working very hard, bit by bit, step by step.. it was an arduous journey.. but now, i feel that i can tell ppl i am of some substance.. that i am not empty.. that, even if i crack, i had something to show inside, that i am not nothing..
i hope.. one day... i can help others do the same.. to find themselves... to believe in them..
Monday, March 21, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
看悲欢喜怒每一步
再让时间停住 把自己看清楚
爱是愚人的国度
爱是自愚 愚人演出
爱是愚人的国度
看悲欢喜怒每一步
再让时间停住 把自己看清楚
爱是愚人的国度
爱是自愚 愚人演出
爱是愚人的国度
爱是自愚 愚人演出
Monday, March 14, 2011
Sunday, March 06, 2011
sometimes the reason is clear...
sometimes the reason is hidden.. only when the person is gone then it gets revealed..
sometimes it may not make any sense... but the whole is make up of many parts.. maybe they form the parts that seem to not make sense on its own but when u look back in your life, they were indispensable..
will i ever know wat is the reason behind me meeting you?
sometimes i wonder if i have any effect on the ppl i have met... do i change them for the better.. or worse.. or maybe... i have left no marks behind..
lol... so egocentric... but i'm really curious.. will i ever know?
i wonder if we get a summary of our deeds when we die.. i would like to know wat were the things that i have done that were worth recording..
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
小小-容祖儿
作曲:周杰伦 作词:方文山 编曲:林迈可
回忆像个说书的人
用充满乡音的口吻
跳过水坑 绕过小村
等相遇的缘分
你用泥巴捏一座城
说将来要娶我进门
转多少身 过几次门
虚掷青春
小小的誓言 还不稳
小小的泪水 还在撑
稚嫩的唇 在说离分
我的心里从此住了一个人
曾经模样小小的我们
那年你搬小小的板凳
为戏入迷我也一路跟
我在找那个故事里的人
你是不能缺少的部份
你在树下小小的打盹
小小的我 傻傻等
回忆像个说书的人
用充满乡音的口吻
跳过水坑 绕过小村
等相遇的缘分
你用泥巴捏一座城
说将来要娶我进门
转多少身 过几次门
虚掷青春
小小的感动 雨纷纷
小小的彆扭 惹人疼
小小的人 还不会吻
我的心里从此住了一个人
曾经模样小小的我们
那年你搬小小的板凳
为戏入迷我也一路跟
我在找那个故事里的人
你是不能缺少的部份
你在树下小小的打盹
小小的我 傻傻等
我的心里从此住了一个人
曾经模样小小的我们
当初学人说爱念剧本
缺牙的你发音却不准
我在找那个故事里的人
你是不能缺少的部份
小小的手牵小小的人
守着小小的永恒
Thursday, February 24, 2011
CHILDREN, ye have not lived, to you it seems
Life is a lovely stalactite of dreams,
Or carnival of careless joys that leap
About your hearts like billows on the deep
In flames of amber and of amethyst.
Children, ye have not lived, ye but exist
Till some resistless hour shall rise and move
Your hearts to wake and hunger after love,
And thirst with passionate longing for the things
That burn your brows with blood-red sufferings.
Till ye have battled with great grief and fears,
And borne the conflict of dream-shattering years,
Wounded with fierce desire and worn with strife,
Children, ye have not lived: for this is life.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
am i moving forward? or am i stagnant?
sometimes i feel like i have not moved a single step..
but if i hadn't, why do i feel that i've changed? or have i?
perceptions..
but one thing's definite.. the environment has.. now's the qn of how well i fit into this one..
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Thursday, February 03, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
a colleague turned to me the other day and said.. won't it be great if we have 48hrs a day?
well... it would be great if the other 24hrs were kept a secret from others... otherwise it will be twice the workload and everything else... so... times two the pain.. lol
i'd rather have 24hrs...
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Sunday, January 02, 2011
never knew my dad as an antitheist.. I am somewat an atheist in the broader sense.. i do not reject the idea of deities, but i do not believe in a religion..
i always feel that religion is an interpretation by men.. so why should i follow an interpretation? i believe that there is god (one or many) and that god is good/pure/right (anything nice)... and that's about it..