being questioned by my brother on my attitude that i have for society stuff is not an easy thing to swallow.. he told me if i don't care/don't want to know about/don't go and find out details about projects that the society is doing, we will never achieve anything.. that we will flop at any event if this is going to be the kind of attitude that we have..

i wanted to say that i am, that taking care and finding out and being concerned about wat is going on is all that i have been doing.. that i have been giving my heart and soul into it... but i falter when i tried to get the words out.. i had given my 100%.. had tried.. had done wat i could... but.. recently i have been tired... and all i could do was to whine about why nothing's moving.. and that i'm too tired to do more... 'just wanting to get things over and done with' mentality starts to creep into my head..

i have also wanted to tell him that.. compared to the rest, i am doing alot already.. thinking/caring/helping more than the rest... but is more enuf? yes things are relative.. but.. i start to qn if i have given my best, given my all to make things work... it's not about wat is enuf, not about doing more than the rest but about being dedicated to wat i have chosen to do..

think i have been in a system that grades ppl in relative to how others perform for too long.. and forgotten one thing.. that it is about being the best one can be.. instead of being the best out of the rest...

i have a long way to go...