is it so hard to trust?

sigh..

maybe they just fear to lose the ppl they care about.. controlling other's actions and decisions is just a way to prevent ppl they love from harm..

but.. how long can one keep others by their side? how long can they 'protect' them? how many know that they meant well though it may not be the best method to keep their love ones safe?

i feel like a bird trapped in a cage.. well fed.. well taken care off.. but.. will i ever be free?

freaky freaky..

i woke up today at 8 plus.. very perplex as to why i woke up so early.. usually i wake up at 12 or when my alarm rings.. after lazing in my bed, i came out to check my laptop at 9 plus.. lo and behold.. nott msned me at 8.30..

i was thinking that it was just a coincidence when i suddenly remembered that the last part of my dream before i woke up was of nott talking to me..

scary thot..

haha.. and yes.. amanda, don't jealous k? hahahahah

i got comments.. too long for shar's blog though..

my take on r/s..

hmm.. true about friendship being longer lasting than r/s.. but i think self-fulfilling prophecy plays an impt part.. not alot of ppl would think of their r/s as permanent.. most would think that it is relatively permanent... alot of those who think that r/s is a one time affair that leads to marriage and says 'this is it and there's no other' tends to stay long in r/s and get married.. i always think the some who didn't is cos their other half does not think the same way...

the reasons that ppl get attached are also very impt determinants.. one thing i want to say.. there is a difference between needs and expectations or wants... i think ppl who meet each other's needs will stay together longer.. cos expectations are very much of matching the person u have with the ideal in ur head and see how much it fits.. and wants can be quite frivolous sometimes..

sunken cost is never the best reason to remain in a r/s... cos though u spent x no. of yrs to make this r/s work and x amt of time and effort to make it thru... but imagine.. u may be spending 10x-20x amt of time and years to endure the same things that u have been enduring.. a few years, yes... but... 40 years? 50? some ppl have alot of patience to wait for a change to occur in the other person.. some ppl just get used to wat they don't like.. and some ppl choose to actively seek wat they love/like in another person... so.. i guess is up to the individual bah..

haha.. i don't think ppl get into r/s with solely reproduction in mind.. the act before reproduction is more likely.. hahaha... and being in r/s it becomes more acceptable... and.. it's a more stable one compared to one night stands.. less risk.. hahha.. so yes.. hahaha.. fruit for thot?

haha.. sorry.. can't resist a pun..

work work work...

alot of things to do... cannot waste time already..

drew up a list of things i have to do during hols and it came up to a 20 over list of things to be done..

kill me..

think i very bim today.. shar will agree..

it started with the drink buying incident.. and never did stopped..

was at arts open house today.. very few ppl.. i wonder why... but.. that's not the pt.. back to drink buying.. me and shar were walking from as1 to as6 to buy drink from the vending machine.. the table that psych was at was just 3 tables away from the vending machine.. we walked and walked.. and we ended up walking pass it and walked all the way towards the as6 toilet... shar had to ask where was i going before i realised that i overshot the vending machine by so much..

said alot of oops things during lunch with linyen, eugene, minrui, nabil and shar..

then me and shar had to go store restock take.. did alot of stupid things in the store while repacking.. think we were laughing at each other for the 3hrs we spent there.. and i swear yy is crazy.. sprouting incomprehensible things thru out packing.. haha..

oh.. and haha.. after dinner, i thot he going to tampines so i took bus from the bus stop below mrt.. but when i reach home shar told me he only going tampines tmr.. haha i wonder where i get the idea that he going tampines today.. weird..


ohoh... the guy in geog shirt looks quite cute.. hahaha.. i was blatantly staring at him lar.. hahhahaha.. think he not student.. maybe TA.. look too young to be lecturer..

funny thing how i blog so much lesser when i'm having hols than when i'm having classes..

alot of thots these few weeks but.. still thinking in progress..

keep opening the new post in blogger but had nothing to write.. don't know why..


been feeling a bit.. restless? don't know.. just find myself in high avoidance mode.. like don't want to think.. don't want to do things that i need to do..

"What You Do About Me"

I wish that I was her and I wish that she was me
You gotta let her go, and I know that you agree
'Cause how could this ever start?
If you're afraid to break her heart?
You say you love me so
You have to let her know

[Chorus]
All that she wants is you
All that she sees is you
All that you gotta do
It's to set her free
That's what
That's what
What you do about me

Love's not an easy thing
Always somebody gets hurt
I know you were meant for me, even though she saw you first
But deal with her honestly
I won't let you cheat with me
I guess you never knew
What you put yourself into

[Chorus]

We could beautiful
We could be so special
We could be wonderful

[Chorus 2x]

"The Day You Went Away"

[VERSE 1]
Well I wonder could it be
When I was dreaming 'bout you baby
You were dreaming of me
Call me crazy, call me blind
To still be suffering is stupid after all of this time

[PRE-CHORUS 1]
Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do
I do, you know I really really do

[CHORUS]
Well hey
So much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true
For me there's only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away

[VERSE 2]
I remember date and time
September twenty second
Sunday twenty five after nine
In the doorway with your case
No longer shouting at each other
There were tears on our faces

[PRE-CHORUS 2]
And we were letting go of something special
Something we'll never have again
I know, I guess I really really know

[CHORUS]
The day you went away
The day you went away

[PRE-CHORUS 1]
[CHORUS]

[BRIDGE]
Why do we never know what we've got 'til it's gone
How could I carry on
The day you went away
Cause I've been missing you so much I have to say
Been crying since the day
The day you went away

The day you went away
The day you went away

funny thing how some things don't change.. 5 yrs ago i've been teased almost the exact same way that i'm getting now.. that feeling and wat happened, i almost forgot..

5 yrs of drought since then and now, it's back again.. the similarity is startling.. the teasing.. the 'can't seem to get out from the firing zone' kind of feeling..

a different bunch of friends.. a different guy.. a different situation.. a different perspective..

i'm no longer 17.. no longer curious of the unknown.. no longer take issues of the heart lightly.. and no longer have the 'just try and i might just find out that this is actually wat i want' kind of attitude..

i believe my callousness 5 yrs ago hurt someone.. i don't want to make the same mistakes..

yes.. i'm a person that doesn't like making mistakes.. no matter whether it's the same one or a new one..

i'm a passivist.. and i believe in que sera sera..

so.. wat will be, will be..

i will not be dwelling on this issue.. there are other things to do and think about..

and anyway.. there is no need to make any decisions or take any actions about it.. shall just let the teasing be the graduating gift for u all.. have some cheap thrill while u all can..

forgot to post that I AM FREE!!

hahah.. finally exams ended.. and no, i'm not saying i'm free of charge.. i'm saying i'm free from textbooks, lecture notes, readings and webcasts for 3 months..

detached
adj.
-Marked by an absence of emotional involvement and an aloof, impersonal objectivity.

cynical
adj.
-Believing or showing the belief that people are motivated chiefly by base or selfish concerns; skeptical of the motives of others.



not cynical leh.. don't believe the worst in ppl.. not really the worst in ppl.. but just.. i don't think cynically..

still think is more of detached...

but yes.. lack of surprise as an emotion and clamping down...

hmm.. now i have to re evaluated and trying to see how things link..

haha.. things that have occurred are starting to make sense..

interesting.. how lost i was for 20 plus years.. not being able to put words to wat i've experienced..

shaming a child is no good but guilt tripping them is ok...

hahaha.. interesting things u learn when studying for exams..

it's been a long time since i've given anyone a birthday present.. on my own.. not sharing with others..

why?

i miss those days when i gave presents that i took care to select... for friends that meant alot to me.. instead of just chip in money for a grp present..

also.. think that technologies reduced festive greetings and birthdays to a less than 160 characters sms.. sad.. where did the cards go.. though i'm guilty of using it myself..

saw 3 ppl in the usually empty toilet of my hall.. maybe ppl only appear at 11 plus at night..

either they seem shocked to see me or they are also shock by the fact the toilet has alot of ppl..

interesting things they wear to the toilet.. never considered bathing towel as a piece of clothing which u can parade around in until now.. hahha

i wonder if best friend was still staying here.. and he saw.. wat would he say.. hahaha

it's turning draggy.. when will exams end???

but.. considering how much readings i have not touched yet.. i don't hope that thu come any time faster..