i'm just too tired..

i miss the long night chat i had with my cousins.. who will understand wat goes on in my house better than them..

no need for explanation.. no need to wonder how they will interprete the comments i make.. cos we all understand wat's it like to grow up under our parents and relatives.. some are luckier, while others have a tougher time... the stereotyping that we get and the exceptations that they have of us..

some found their way of interacting with their family by getting used to the method of parenting used by their parents, or even manage to get an understanding between them and their parents.. knowing wat is expected and where they stand.. but me? i don't know..

i seem to only manage to get by each day without feeling too out of place... unsure of wat i'm suppose to do.. wat is expected of me.. there seem to be no way of finding a set of interaction pattern that i can use everyday.. i'm still trying to find it but they seem so volatile.. one day like a friend.. another day a dictator.. and sometimes a stranger..

sometimes i wonder if i'm the problem.. everyone seems to be doing fine except me.. may be i am not sensitive or observant enuf to find out wat my family is like.. wat they want and need.. how they do things and react to situations.. don't know of their preferences, their habits.. maybe i have been living in my own world for too long.. and it is time for me to wake up..

the world doesn't revolve around me.. everyone has a part to make it a better place..

i'll try to understand.. see things from their point of view.. don't just react when they do or say certain things but think beyond the harsh words and reflect upon wat they really mean..

i hope i can.. not possible for things to change if i keep doing the same things right?