a part of a friend's blog that i felt like commenting...


Vanilla as an analogy of the "Nice Guy"
Vanilla: a flavoring, in its pure form known as vanillin, derived from orchids in the genus Vanilla.

Uses: ...One major use of vanilla is in flavoring ice cream: the most common flavour of ice cream is vanilla, and thus most people consider it to be the "default" flavor.

The Nice Guy (aka. TNG), the "Nice Male" that everyone raves about. Sensitive, caring, goes out of his ways to help you. Always ready with the listening ear, always there when you need him. Did I mention "sensitive"?

This theory is formulated with observations of female interactions with TNGs:
1. All women report to desire a TNG as a romantic partner/husband.
2. Most women have access to at least one TNG, although whether they realise that they do remains to be speculated.
3. Yet most TNGs are single. In fact, one enduring observation is that more often than not, TNGs serve to listen to their lady friends' relationship problems with supposedly "less worthy" men.

Some characterstics about the TNG:
1. Probably not the Adonises of the world, although by no means the Hunchbacks of Notre Dame either.
2. Highly sensitive to others' emotions
3. Highly patient, willing to listen at ends to others before expressing any opinions of his own.

When asked to describe TNG, more often than not, he would be referred to as "Oh, he's nice". When asked to describe the "less worthy" men, it is more likely that degatory, but specific terms would be cited, e.g. "Oh he's such a jerk/buaya/ego freak." .........



well, how should i put it? ....i had vanilla but i gave it up because it was too vanilla.

regrets? alittle.. but we were all so young and immature then... (erm.. at least i was) but it was for the best i think.

surprise surprise

sometimes life is so amazing.. there is no way of knowing wat's going to happen next.

i would never in a million years imagine that i would someday be going out for lunch with someone whom i was never close to when we were classmates and was one of those ppl that i had labeled as confirm different frequeny from me kind.

gosh! hahaha.. i'm still alittle stunned. can't help smiling when i think of how this sudden twist of event that occurred. one thing's for sure, glad that i am going to have another good friend around! haha.... truly.. still stunned.

well, not that i have never seen cases like those whereby some classmates that didn't seem to clique then are good friends now.. and there is nothing such as impossible in my dictionary. But still.. haha

this feels so good! hope i can have more of this kind of opportunity.. to be able to see that people who once were so different can come together and understand each other..

i guess we have all grown up bah. less of those self centred views and opinions and alittle more care and understanding for others..

if the world could be alittle more like that, it would be a wonderful place to live in. pure and true. no false pretense of friendliness.. no backstabbing..

wat a perfect world i am dreaming of..

the expected.. or not?

ok.. i had the worst paper of my life today.. well technically it wasn't the worst if i count tests and everything but it is a first worst amongst my many uni final exams that i have taken.

i thought that this whould be a good sem, starting afresh and all.. i spent more effort, though still not up to the standard that i would label myself as not wasting precious time and that i had worked hard.. but better than last sem. put in alittle more thought and work.

the paper wasn't hard, i think.. with more practice and confidence in doing the stats questions i would have easily scored. haha, but that on the hindsight..

however, there is one thing that i can confirm, the stats teacher sucked, or at least his notes and the textbook that he asked us to buy sucked. not that i am bias against him due to his gay-ish gestures though ;p



anyway, it was a relief to be left with one last paper.. but think i have to work hard on this if i want to pull my cannot make it grades up..

so..... it would be a miracle if i can get a 'c' for that horrendous paper/horrendously answered paper that i took this morning. and i must be dreaming if i can get avg 'b' grade for this sem.



had a fun time planning the modules for coming sem.. think it is so cool to have all the freedom to pick and choose the things that i want to study.

alittle sad case when i think that this is the only thing that i can do that gives me the most sense of freedom.. sigh..

well, pushing that thought aside, really very happy and excited about the modules that i have picked for next sem! must do my best to bid for them and get all of them. i think i will, have this intuition that lady luck is shining on me =)


so tired.. very in need of some good rest..

sigh... still half hearted in doing my last minute studying for the exams.. don't know why but everytime when it comes to this period, i seem to stop, stop moving forward...

inertia, procrastination.. watever it is called... i just don't get it..

and i feel sick about myself.. grossed out that i hadn't been doing any reading for the whole sem and now, here i am trying to make it pass the exams and hoping that i won't screw it up too badly.

this is wrong. i know it. but still, sem after sem i am making the same mistake.

i don't like it. and i want it to stop.. but i don't seem to be like doing anything about it.

there are alot of thing that i need to think through.. otherwise, i'll be doing the same thing again next sem..

i want to find some place that i can be alone with myself to think. about wat i am doing now, wat do i want, how i want to go on with my life. need to commit myself to something and folow through with it. not just thinking about it when i feel stressed and lost..

where will that be?

comments on previous entry

didn't know wat made me wrote so much.. had just wanted to blog about someone that was on my mind... guess the deeper implications just came out when i started blogging..

anyway, sometime i think too much. and the 'too much' here is not measured by volume or time consumed by thought, but by the ratio of the actions i took after having those thought. which are far lesser that wat i think.


there are many possibilities in this world. but they will remain as possibilities unless you take action upon them and change them into reality. -by me



the cool breeze of the night calms me,
but makes me yearn for something more..
my heart is hollow, waiting to be filled..
will someone come and claim this lost soul
and guide it back to the light?

alright.. since i can't stop dwelling on it, i shall just write it down to get it out of my system..

don't know why.. sometimes i just like to think of things that are not possible. like to play them in my head, with my own script..

it's kind of like living in my own world where everything goes where i want them to go and wat i want them to do. but i know that it's not real.

it is just that i feel like i always do this to make my life more interesting, cos my life and the past twenty years sure are not as colourful as wat i would and could have imagined it to be.

i am never the favourite, the popular, the smartest, the talented, the most attractive, nor am i the most hated, the naughtiest, haughty, evil, destroyer, prankster. i am bland. as bland as water can be. and my life was too.

how i wish my life was exciting, extraordinary.. i don't mind that it may suck like hell or there are many ups and downs in my life. some may think that i am naive, or even dumb maybe. but i don't care. at least i would have had some experiences that will be deeply imprinted in my memory, giving me guidance, shaping and defining me.

i don't want to introduce myself as some girl who is nice, had an education till university, will be working in the future. someone with a two responsible parents and a younger brother, some friends that she had made throughout her school years. something that maybe a few million people might have used when they were describing themselves.

i want to be different, to be unique, maybe even special. but i don't think that i am even close to it.

i want to live, not just be someone that is just breathing and present in this world.

i want to make an impact on ppl's lives, i want to make an impact on my own.

maybe i already had, but i didn't know..


wat would it be like if i can read minds? a question i like to ponder on often. for human beings are too complex a species to understand by just looking at how they behave and wat they say. most of the time, wat they think is very much different from wat they do or say.

it would be nice if someday, before we die, we can get to see a repeat telecast of wat we have done this lifetime.. to evaluate, to rejoice, to regret or even just to understand wat we have gone through from a third person's perspective..

time flies by too quickly for us to fully grasp the meaning on wat has happened in our life.

the ppl that i have met, those that i remember and some that i had forgotten. the person that i was like, how i have grown and change, or didn't change. who and wat shaped me. have i done good enough, or could i have done more. all these i am very interested to know.. a video of my life

twenty years had passed so quickly.. and very soon, i'll be gone from this world. without a trace.

how long will i live? i am not sure, but i want to mak the best out of it. i don't want to leave without putting up a good fight, to leave a mark on this earth

conflicts in the family is the most devastating disaster one can ever encounter

not right

think i have been down and out recently.

haha, actually the above statement doesn't stand if were to spend some time thinking about the happy and fulfiling things that i had done during the past few days or weeks.

but now.. i just don't.. i just want to wallow in self pity and just... die? haha, no never 'die'. cos life's just too precious for me to waste it like that. not saying that i don't waste my time on frivolous stuff though.

not feeling the calmness that usually comes when the sky is dark and all is quiet. too heavy, my heart is. maybe katrina swept through it too.

hip hop in the backgroud but it doesn't hype me up. to me, it is just another sound in the background, a sound to break the quietness of the night. to lessen the knowledge that there is no calmness.

no quiet, no calmness.. how self deceiving can i be?

i feel trapped. trapped in these 4 walls, marble floor and low ceiling, a grilled window, a concrete city..

i longed to find a place where i can lift my head and see the stars, look ahead and see the horizon so definite, turn around and see the wonders of nature... thought there may be loathsome bugs crawling or flying around. eek. but in nature's beauty, i think i can push the thoughts of the bugs to the back of my head.

i've always thoght that i had either been born in the wrong era or the wrong country. nothing seems to fit wat i've wanted, wat's in my head.

i adapt. i do. but it never seems right.. maybe i want too much.. maybe i should stop living in my head and start living in the real world. then i wouldn't have to compare, to expect, to dislike..

is it wrong to live in the world where all is good and nice, is it wrong to be happy?


tears, all too much.
pls, stop it flowing
i beg you.

first thing.. i think i suck at hip hop.. no talent. wat to do?

no choice but to buck it up by practicing more lor. they say that if you don't have talent, you got to work hard, and work even harder than the rest.


second thing.. don't know if it can be call unlucky.

i walked the distance of two bus stops to go to a bus stop further down thinking that i'll have a better chance of getting a seat. and i did. but guess wat? my bus broke down after a couple of stops and the whole bus load of people have to alight to wait for the next bus.

well.. bottom line is i still got a seat, but in a even more crowded bus..

can say is fortunate in midst of unfortunate incident. bu xing zhong de da xing.


oh.. and another thing.... i think i got my mum pissed.. i have a '4 missed call', and it spells trouble. guess i deserve it huh~? who ask me not to inform her before time that i have lessons till 8pm..

school starts again.. second part of the sem..

time passes by so quickly that i wonder how much of wat i have done in uni life will i remember ten years down the road..

life's really too short, too short to waste.


counter of living: 25% per day for now..
(need to reach 100%. learning to live my life to the fullest.)

resolution for rest of sem after mid term break

no more mugging at swaps table and no more taking discussion rooms during mugging sessions..

finish reading my textbooks and stop lagging behind on work and readings. meet deadlines for work. no more procrastination. less games and story books.

smile more, stress less. be happy. be me.

i need a break real bad..
mental and physical one..
how i wish i can take off somewhere, with nothing to do, nothing to think about and just enjoy the moment.

sigh... why does my holiday suck?

i hate you!!!!!!!!!! i really do.

you suck big time at whatever you do, and i really feel like screaming it out in your face!

you are a lousy everything, and you think you are so great.

you are a god damn narcissist!!

you are such a spoilt brat! aren't you too old to be one???? grow up!

and if i can, i feel like saying that you are a SOB, but i shall not insult the lovely lady that gave birth to you.


though maybe someday, when you die, i might feel sad that you are gone forever....

a similar phrase was said by a character in a tv serial.. 'if the day comes when he dies and should i be feeling sad of his passing, that would be a big headache for me.' chinese version: ru guo you yi tian ta si hou wo hui shang xin, na wo ke jiu tou tong le...

hols from 16 - 25 sept

yes! mid term is starting!!!!! though i am happy for the break to be here, i have tonnes of things to do for this ten days of hols..

but first first thing on the list is lunching with ma tmr!! haha, a treat for myself for the start of hols and a treat for ma for taking such good care of us. and yup, i'm treating~.

then it'll be followed with:
-meetings with my event organising team
-searching up stuff for my project DONE
-catching up with my textbks (have 24 chapters to read. that's for lagging in sch for so long...)
-studying for my term tests
-watching webcaste for the lectures that i have missed
-going for Institute of Mental Health for a module's outing (my favorite task of the hols) DONE
-go for my sports buffet (no buffet, decided to give myself a break..)


that should be all.. do really want to finish them all. have already started planning. jia you!

where has it been?

there is this part of me that has been buried so long in my heart that i could not seem to find it anymore.

but still i feel its presence in my heart.

it is there, some place somewhere.

a part of me that yearn to have out.

a potential in me that is not unleashed.

a part of me that sometimes will come out and remind me who i am and wat i want to become...

so someone please help me. help me to get that part of me up cos it's choking me up inside.

new blogging method

typing on the go is cool, then i won't have to forget wat i want to write..

but it seeem like i think more when i'm walking.. which means it is impossible for me type it out and don't know why but i tend to think that i can't articulate wat i was thinking when i start typing.. shit.

what should i do? how i wish that there is some device that can just pick up my thots and write them down or record them, so that i will not forget the things that i have thot thru.. but don't think it is possible bah.

haha,maybe i will not like to too cos.. some of the things that i think of really shouldn't be let out of the confines of my brain. right..

reaching home liao.. hungry. type later bah..

to a someone long ago..

really want to say a word of thanks to you.

though i didn't say it and you probably still don't know why we went our separate ways, i really do appreciate the things you have done for me.

you have taught me alot too. i came to know what loving someone was like thru you.

you love not because the person has a pretty face or good dress sense, not because the person has a character of the typical kind nice sweet gal that people will like for a girl friend or a wife.

and you give alot and love alot, though i gave little and love little.

horror of horrors

oh no.. i have just realised that i have let my mum's words get into me..

girl who will look into the mirror and say, 'hey! that's a pretty girl there! quite good looking huh?!' is gone... the only thing i see now in the mirror is the imperfect, plain, fat me.. sigh..

why did it happen? i have always warned myself from believing and taking other's opinions seriously especially the negative ones.. but look wat happened? they all got into my stupid brain that just won't shut these things out.....

maybe.. maybe i have been harbouring these thots in my head all along.. maybe subconsciouly i have also been saying and believing that i am not good enuf, i am not good looking, no one would want me, no one wants to be my friend, i will never have ppl who will love and treasure me, i will never have happiness...

i don't know anymore.. when i am down and out.. all these thots will come and huant me, come and tempt me to believe that my life is doomed to be a lonely and unfulfilled one.. i would not know the end.. only time will tell..

but i really hope that i am a great person that i sometimes think i am, though egoistic. i hope that i can be the nice, good friendly, cheerful, optimistic person that ppl see in me. i want to be pretty. i want to be loved. ....is that too greedy?

alittle something..

some outline first:
there has been this program in singapore, which is something similar to the american idol show but is somewat different and is in chinese, that has been going on for a few motnths already and is said to have caused quite a huge stir in the usually perceived as quiet and passive singapore community.

my view:
i don't really watch the night time tv or read the papers so i got to know of this tv program only when i saw quite a large queue lining up outside suntec city one day. it looked interesting so went around to kpo a bit and asked my family and friends about it. but didn't think it will cause any huge sensation, partially cos singapore idol was quite a failure considering the fact that the runner up couldn't sing and only got the runner up position cos his fans think that he has style, which i don't concur..

then i found out that jia's good friend joined the competition tooand even got in to the top three for guys, so i became more interested in it, and watched the program when i'm free. the contestants on the whole were quite ok on the whole, some are quite talented or have potential while others make up with their looks for wat they lack in their singing skills.. then the most surprising point in the competition (at that point in time but something more surprising happened at the end of the whole program) was when a visually handicapped person entered the top 24 of the competition. for me, it was not much about the surprise that a visually handicapped person went in cos he did sang well, but that he had the courage to enter and face the challenges of the music and media industry that surprised me. and it then turned into a form of respect for him, for his courage, and unexpectedly his optimisim about life and the self confidence that he potray.

at first i thot that it will be quite a simple competition program for it was quite apparent that some had more talent and skills than the rest of the contestants, thus i assume that they will be easily recognised by the general public and vote for cos they are really good, and that the competition will be quite predictable till the final moment when the top gal and guy will pit against each other. i was wrong. amazingly, some lousy contestants managed to stick on till the later parts of the program while other talented contestants were being kicked out or almost gotten kicked out quite early on in the program.

these sometimes made me wonder if the program was rigged.

for reason no. 1 being that talented ppl who should be supported by the public cos they are good, were kicked out so early on in the program, suspect that this is to cause excitement amongst the viewers so that they will have more urgency to call and support their fav contestants.

reason no. 2 was that the voting thru sms and calling has a charge of 60 cents each that is quite expensive in my opinion. so this may be translated into the possibility that rigging was done so that the tv company can earn extra cash from the program.

reason no. 3 was quite debated by singaporean, presence of the visually handicapped person thru out the whole show and even into the grand finals where he eventually won the competition. alright.. i agree that he is quite good but i think that the other finalist, kelly, is much better.

reason no. 4 being that during the finals, the charge for voting suddenly jumped from the usual 60 cents to a whooping 2 dollars!! so obvious that they are trying to earn tv viewers' money, and the 2 dollars charge wasn't made very clear by the hosts or the program itself.. i just happend to see it when it was flashed at the bottom of the screen, and seriously.. the font's not big.


wanted to say more but am lazy.. and the papers in singapore has said enuf so.. i shall just stop here. but one final comment for this. very glad that kelly won second place cos she gets to sign contract with universal music, a better record company compared to the winner's record company, which is play music.

i must say this!!

girls!! please seat more properly when you are wearing skirts! especially if you are wearing a short skirt!

i've been told a million times that i must seat properly, the reasons that were always given by the 'very helpful people' were that, girls should sit properly and it will look very ugly. BUT they didn't tell me how disgusted people will feel if u seat with you legs opened while wearing a skirt with them seeing wat's inside and they didn't tell me that even if u seat with you legs quite closed, people can see wat's inside if u are wearing a short skirt. and pls, i'm not even taking about mini skirts here.. if they did, i would have taken them more seriously!

now fretfully recalling the limited no. of times that i have worn skirt to school and trying to see if i had seated properly during those times..

the reason for the above post was because a girl that was in my afternoon tutorial, who was seated facing me, zou3 guang1.. i can plainly see the colour of her underwear! worst of all was that, there was a guy that was sitting right beside me!!! and yar.. it made me very uneasy as i have no where to place my vision upon except my paper and i am totally embarrassed for her..

feeling sick already?

haha, had enuf of the answers that are given by stereotyping people with just a few responses to the questions which were submitted?

people have told me that all this don't work and that they are just giving generalised answers that most people can identify with. but still, i would like to believe that they are true.. sometimes i guess, these questions and answers help us find out parts of us that we have not noticed before.

so here are some that i believe more closely describes me, though some are not, but i hope someday they will.

another reason: i like the pics

my phrase..

"Awake, yet never truly alive, I seek
valuation beyond reality"

Life is unfullfilling for you, and you aren't very fond of it. What you like is your own imaginative world, which can be your daydreams, stories you write or anything similar. You always prefer that before the actual life.

To people you come off as quite lonesome, and you may wish you had more friends, but you are more of a hoper than someone who takes action. That is how you remain lonely. Or maybe you just don't find anyone who you can relate to.

Inside you feel empty, like you are missing something important that you can't quite put a finger on what it is. Somehow you wish to be swept away from the normality and led into something extraordinary. This has yet to happen, and you keep on feeling dissapointed with the little that life has to offer. At least you continue to express yourself through art/writing/poems/daydreaming.


What is Your Phrase?
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my power..

Your power is: Clairvoyance

Explanation: Your power is that you can look into the future and see what is coming. How far and long you can look is all depending on your skill level. This can, as all powers, be used in both evil and good. Even if it may seem like a boring ability it is a huge responsibility for the carrier, becase they are constantly tempted with doing the wrongs deeds (e.g. cheat on a test). It takes high morals to not be brought down with it.

Therefore you fit with this power quite well. You take responsibility and do what is the right thing to do. This does not make you a saint, since you're only human after all. But it makes a trustworthy person and you are loyal to camrades and/or team mates.

In school you were probably a good student. If you were social varies from person to person, but most clairvoyant people tend to prefer their own company or that of close friends and family. That is because you are wise and knows how to treasure the reliable in your life, since you know popularity can be a false element.

You are also not that big on taking risks and prefer what is already explored. That is because you don't like suprises, they can turn out bad and then you won't be in control.

Negative aspects: Since you're always doing the right thing and being trustworthy all the time you can become frustrated. Also, all that you carry on your shoulders may stress you
out. You need to relax to be in good mental shape.

What Power is Compatible With You?
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my killer type..

You are a protector.

Yes, you don't like to kill people. That goes against everything you belive in. It's not that you are a coward, but your ideals and morals wouldn't allow it. You are the typical hero, do the righteous things, get the bad guys and do it all legally. But just because you don't kill doesn't mean you can't kick ass. And that is what you do.

You use your brain and your strenght to do honourable deeds and protect people you know and love. If an evil guy is going to take over the world soon, it's you who will get involved. You hate watching innocents suffer, and love seeing bad people getting what they deserve.

You are probably also happy and optimistic and work pretty good in groups. And the friends you usually make are true ones.

Main weapon: Anything at all
Quote: "You only live once, but if
you do it right, once is enough" -Joe
Lewis
Facial expression: Smile


What Type of Killer Are You?
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wat makes me sad..

You are sad because of your fear


Why are you sad? [amazing pictures] For darker people
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wat word represents me..

Your word is: Brooding.

You are a true thinker and often try to figure out the meaning of life, why we are all here etc. You may not be so social, and often think twice before acting but those thoughts you have in your mind never stop flowing in. Sometimes you can be so concentrated you forget about other things that you have to do.


What Word Represents You?
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my element..

Your element is Light.

Your heart is pure and shining with love. You believe in the goodness of those around you and give almost everyone a smile. You are not the kind to hide your happiness and tend to smile all day long, both in and out. But when sadness hits you, you become very devastated and may be upset for quite some time.

What you need in your life is friends, friends who will love you unconditionally, like you love them. But you have a naive nature and don't always notice when someone is trying to hurt you. Some would say you are oblivious to mean people, which makes you an easy target. However, your true friends will probably be there for you and save you.

In school you are either the popular one or the little weird one. It all depends if "the higher people" find your caring side irritating or not. Nevertheless, you have a bubbly personality and are social. Big partys may not be your thing since you want bonding time with your friends, so slumber-partys fit you more. You like the happy things in life and like everyone else to be as happy as you are.


What is your element? [with pics + detailed answeres]
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wat is my soul..

Your soul is caring.

Other people are your concern, even if you don't know them. If you see a person trip you worry is he is okay. You put your loved ones first and you're very mature. When someones sick you're nurturing and always try to help family and friends when failure strikes them.

You can be called the motherly one, if you are in a group of people, which doesn't have to be bad. Love is something that's already in you and you have a lot to give whether you believe it or not. Your friends probably love you very much and come to when they need help since you're reliable. People can feel secure withyou and generally like you.


How is your soul? [pics]
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wise quote that fits me..

Your wise quote is: "Be kind to unkind people, they probably need it the most" by Ashleigh Brilliant.

You try to look beyond apperance, try to give people second chances and are probably very kind.

Understanding is your biggest personality trait, and those you can see through should be grateful. If they aren't already.

You detest narrow minded people, because they can't see what's really there. Facades is not your thing and you strive to always be who you really are.


What wise quote fits you? [pics]
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how i see life..

Life is all about balance. Darkness can't be without light, and light can't be without darkness.

You see everything through different angeles to gain perspective over situations. You act rather rational and people can find you
stiff and/or emotionless due to this.

Life is not really that good to you, yet it's not so bad. Like everything else, you need to balance it in order to find peace.


How do you see life?
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well~, ok

alright... i admit, my dad is not all that lousy. it's just that the way he show his affection for us is very different from the type of affection that we need. well, think this the problem that most parents face bah.

i really do appreciate that he took heart to fetch me to school all these years and the unique way that he show that he cares. i shall try my best to make sense out of his actions, to see that he is doing it out of care for the family.

he fetched me to school today.
it was raining.


however, he should learn to trust people more.

he didn't believe that the sheltered carpark that i pointed him to, can be entered to drop me off. just because it says 'staff season parking'.



another thing. i brought carrot cake that is put the usual transparent plastic bag to school today. but my dad insisted that i wrap the plastic bag that contains the carrot cake with a paper towel.

he thinks that it will make my bag oily if it is not wrapped.

the new skin

yes, the new skin is up. quite like the skin.. though i think the window is alittle too small and the links are too close to the window... thanks to cai for her help of course

fiddled around with the html of the template, changing colours, font size and all. the longer i fiddled the 'clearer' the html seems to me. great to know that i have not returned my html knowledge to the computer club.. hah.

played too much with this.. haven't finish a 26pg journal article that is due tmr because of this.. guess i have to read it during lec tmr..

an incident

woke up this morning with a start.

my dad came in and told me something happened to ma. didn't know whether it was the grogginess that i felt from waking up so suddenly and early in the morning or that my dad did not articulate the situation well enuf for me to comprehend, but he sounded as if something akin to the sky falling down happened to ma. so i jumped out of bed and ran to the kitchen in time to see my mum puking into a small pail.

all i could say was that i was relieved.


oh, and i have decided to add another not very nice trait to my dad's list again.

after the above episode, he practically yelled at me when he couldn't find his handphone in his rush to fetch ma to see the doctor. he also made a very irrational suggestion, that i should accompany them to see the doctor and he'll fetch me to school from there when (1) it was almost 7.30am, with me having a class at 9am, (2) i accompanied ma downstairs in sleeping clothes, (3) i have not brushed my teeth, washed my face and bathe, (4) my school bag is still upstairs and (5) i have not packed for school yet.

conclusion is that he cannot handle sudden events or situations.

yes i know that he is very concerned about ma, but sometimes, there is a need to be calm and collected when critical situations occur.


anyway, the above episode got me thinking.

i was wondering, while on my way to school, wat if something really bad did happen to my ma and that she had died after the morning's episode. i realised that, if she have died, i would have been so devastated. yes, devastated is the word that i will describe myself if something had happened to her. thinking about that possiblity even brought tears into my eyes. i've always wondered if i can feel so strongly, my mum wondered too, she sometimes says that i probably could even be cold blooded enuf to feel happy during her funeral when she dies. well, now we know that will not happen i guess and i have finally shown that i could be as warm blooded as anyone. not that i want to prove this point though. i guess that i just have not realised how much i care for the things/people that are around in my life. maybe i have buried my feelings so deeply that even i forgot about it.

i don't know how it started but this is where it ends. now, stop burying and start digging, hoping someday that my feelings will flow freely again. in abundance or maybe not over.


and to mum, though i don't say it out loud, i do love you and cherish you. you are my bestest friend and i'm glad that u are my mother, cos i would not have wanted another.

i need to:

• collect my check and bank it in (done)
  
• buy my food and health module's textbook
  
• finish reading all my textbook till the chapter that the lecturers stop teaching
• prepare my tutorial
  
• find info for group project
  
• go for group project meeting
  
• source for contacts that are needed for my event organising biz that is starting up soon
• go for meetings for my biz
  
• find customers for my biz
  
• pack my table
• pack my wardrobe
• do house chore
• be a good daughter, student, relative, businessman and friend

just realised that i can't put a (done) for all of the pts above.. opps

yes, pyschology

a joke for myself in the previous post.. a little like that advert showing a boy with ver lousy tennis skills, attempting to hit the balls that were being shot at him, with his father listening to the boy's coach in the background. the coach was saying things like the boy wasn't good enuf, and that his skills were too lousy to become one of the top tennis players in future. but wat the boy's father heard was only that his son was superb and that he will become a great tennis player in future. he did it by partially blocking out wat the coach was saying..

ohh.. and i just realise that this is related to psychology too! haha.. yup.. that's wat i love about psychology, it is everywhere and anywhere. where brains tick, there lies psychology.

i have no idea why i love this science, and Y-E-S, this is a science although the National University of Singapore doesn't know that! and classifying it under arts faculty is unforgivable in my opinion. but hey, who the hack cares about my opinions? but i guess it may be cos i realised that i am very unaware of myself and the surroundings that i started to be interested in the underlying interactions between ppl, interested in the portrayal of image by others. and thus, this urgent need to find out who i am and wat others are like, propelled me towards psych..

though regrettably i may not futher my degree in psych after securing a bachelor degree of ARTS~ partially due to my lousy grades and partially due to the very narrow scope of study that NUS is offering, i am very grateful to have been able to study this wonderful field and to have met ppl who are also extremely passionate about psych..

nobody will know.. maybe one day i'll have the chance to study psych again after this.

but before that..... i'll make sure i'll pile up enuf money and brush up on my english so that i can go overseas to pursue my Degree in Psychology to replace my Bachelor of Arts. and maybe i might even get a Ph.D.! if by then i'm not too old to do that

i think i'm falling in love

it started off as an infatuation.. a book
it was in a library when i started to take notice. of that section
then, before i knew it,
i kept going there again and again to see.. to borrow similar books
my curiosity was immense. about that subject

finally after my 'A' levels,
i pursued on in my uni.. taking it up as my major
now, i have clearly fallen in love.
in love with..
Psychology

i feel like a thousand years old....

gosh! wanted to blog on tues night but didn't cos when i came up of my kickboxing class, i almost didn't have enuf energy to walk myself to the bus stop to take the bus home.. now i know wat it feels like being a jelly fish. couldn't seen to walk properly, trying very hard to concentrate while walking so that my legs will not collapse on me half way thru...

AND... the worse thing of all is that, since wed morning when i wake up, i feel like i am living in the body of a very old woman! mind u.. this is not some hungry ghost festival's ghost story. every movement i made caused my body's muscle to scream out in pain.. from getting out of bed, to brushing teeth YES!!! even brushing teeth!, to climbing down the staircase, sitting down, carrying my books, lifting my arms, lying down on the bed and even laughing!!

well.. i guess i can't blame anyone else besides me since i'm the one that hasn't been exercising since end of P.E. in my jc days.. moreover, the kickboxing instructor did forewarn us that this will happen, so it comforts me to know that it is unaviodable and that the rest of the ppl in that class are most probably suffering together with me! muahahha

seriously, i'm glad that i have taken my first step towards including exercise into my life and i really do quite enjoy the after effects of exercising. cos i really do feel much more refreshed after it and have this sense of achievement that i have finally spent some of my time to exercise and all.. yup..

praying not literally that my ache will go away when i wake up tmr. though i don't think it will

wet and cold

he day started with heavy raining..
too heavy for my liking.
shoes wet, jacket wet and hair's wet.
but.. hahha.. the hair part is cos i bathed before i went to school.
so the conclusion is........ late for school! shit!
sigh.. actually.. i was late cos i took too long a time to bathe and get ready for school =p

today is a long day for me.
lectures all the way from 10am to 6pm then kickboxing from 7-9pm..
hope i don't die at the end of the day..

a necessity in life: friends

spent my whole afternoon looking at bolgskins.. yes.. i am too generous when it comes to using/wasting time on things that are not of much importance.. this is wat i dislike most about myself.

anyway, found a very nice skin and downloaded it. but later found out that i do not know how to change it to that skin.. pengz.. to think that i was from computer club in my secondary school days and have gotten a cert in html then.. all in all, a disgrace to my school's com club..

good thing that i have something called friends, though my parents and my bro like to say i have none cos i (1) always stay at home, (2) they don't think ppl will like to make friends with a person with a behavior like mine, (3) even if i do show that i have friends, they seem to only be a handful...etc etc.. ahahha.. that's wat they like to say when they tease me. i know that they mean no harm but sometimes i will find myself uncounsciously thinking whether wat they say is true and that i really didn't have any friends. but that's only sometimes, only during times when i'm down and out. most of the time i'm just a overly confident person that believes that i have alot of good friends and i can make tonnes of friends if i want to. no sweat at all. ;)

oh yes.. about the blogskin and my friend.. very glad that cai came online when i was having trouble with the codes and symbols on the html.. i just have to ask her and readily agreed to help me with my problem!! how great can friends be? i know no bounds.. yup, and don't have to add in the fact that cai always likes to help ppl and cares for us this bunch of friends.. gosh, i'm so glad to have made friends with caring, helpful and fun ppl! haha.. i hope wat they say about the birds of a feather flock together theory is true...

haha, yes this is me bu yao lian-ing again.. i love bhb-ing.. at least i have the chance to believe that i was wonderful even though the time frame is so little..

no choice, ppl just like to pull others out of their wonderland

for me and me alone

this will be the blog for myself..
not one friend, family or aquaintance will know of this blog from me.
i will write wat i think, belive and feel.
no considerations will be given to ppl who may be hurt by wat i write.
no one that i know will judge me for wat i'll be writing here.
i am free.
so beware..


and pls.... even if u know me, don't spoil this wonderful dream of mine