Gemini: You can keep telling yourself that you don't feel a certain way, but deep-down you know the truth and that you will have to face it eventually..

_________
can't they be less vague and tell me wat it is??!!

sigh... don't feel good these few day... very... don't know lar.. don't know how to label..

Carina Lau(劉嘉玲) and Jeff Chang(張信哲)'s 有一點動心

张:我和你 男和女 都逃不过爱情
谁愿意 有勇气 不顾一切付出真心

刘:你说地 不只你 还包括我自己
该不该 再继续 该不该有回应
让爱一步一步靠近

张:我对你 有一点动心
却如此害怕 看你的眼睛
有那么一点点动心 一点点迟疑
不敢相信我的情不自禁

刘:我对你有一点动心
不知结果 是悲伤还是喜
有那么一点点动心 一点点迟疑
害怕爱过以后 还要失去

合:难以抗拒 喔~
人最怕就是动了情
虽然不想不看也不听
却陷入爱里

(音乐演奏)

合:我和你 男和女 都逃不过爱情
也许应该放心
让爱一步步靠近

nah.. tan kai li..

http://www.viasurvey.org/

thanks to sharon, i have something to do and u all have something to read.. hahahahhaa..

i think the top 5 is good enuf for me.. hahah.. seems to describe me quite well..

hmm... i need to work on my gratitude.. or rather.. expressing them..

_______________________

Your Top Character Strength

Love of learning
You love learning new things, whether in a class or on your own. You have always loved school, reading, and museums-anywhere and everywhere there is an opportunity to learn.

Your Second Character Strength

Forgiveness and mercy
You forgive those who have done you wrong. You always give people a second chance. Your guiding principle is mercy and not revenge.

Your Third Character Strength

Honesty, authenticity, and genuineness
You are an honest person, not only by speaking the truth but by living your life in a genuine and authentic way. You are down to earth and without pretense; you are a "real" person.

Your Fourth Character Strength

Citizenship, teamwork, and loyalty
You excel as a member of a group. You are a loyal and dedicated teammate, you always do your share, and you work hard for the success of your group.

Your Fifth Character Strength

Humor and playfulness
You like to laugh and tease. Bringing smiles to other people is important to you. You try to see the light side of all situations.

Show All Results

Character Strength #6

Fairness, equity, and justice
Treating all people fairly is one of your abiding principles. You do not let your personal feelings bias your decisions about other people. You give everyone a chance.

Character Strength #7

Leadership
You excel at the tasks of leadership: encouraging a group to get things done and preserving harmony within the group by making everyone feel included. You do a good job organizing activities and seeing that they happen.

Character Strength #8

Creativity, ingenuity, and originality
Thinking of new ways to do things is a crucial part of who you are. You are never content with doing something the conventional way if a better way is possible.

Character Strength #9

Industry, diligence, and perseverance
You work hard to finish what you start. No matter the project, you "get it out the door" in timely fashion. You do not get distracted when you work, and you take satisfaction in completing tasks.

Character Strength #10

Capacity to love and be loved
You value close relations with others, in particular those in which sharing and caring are reciprocated. The people to whom you feel most close are the same people who feel most close to you.

Character Strength #11

Appreciation of beauty and excellence
You notice and appreciate beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in all domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics to science to everyday experience.

Character Strength #12

Curiosity and interest in the world
You are curious about everything. You are always asking questions, and you find all subjects and topics fascinating. You like exploration and discovery.

Character Strength #13

Judgment, critical thinking, and open-mindedness
Thinking things through and examining them from all sides are important aspects of who you are. You do not jump to conclusions, and you rely only on solid evidence to make your decisions. You are able to change your mind.

Character Strength #14

Perspective (wisdom)
Although you may not think of yourself as wise, your friends hold this view of you. They value your perspective on matters and turn to you for advice. You have a way of looking at the world that makes sense to others and to yourself.

Character Strength #15

Kindness and generosity
You are kind and generous to others, and you are never too busy to do a favor. You enjoy doing good deeds for others, even if you do not know them well.

Character Strength #16

Caution, prudence, and discretion
You are a careful person, and your choices are consistently prudent ones. You do not say or do things that you might later regret.

Character Strength #17

Bravery and valor
You are a courageous person who does not shrink from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain. You speak up for what is right even if there is opposition. You act on your convictions.

Character Strength #18

Social intelligence
You are aware of the motives and feelings of other people. You know what to do to fit in to different social situations, and you know what to do to put others at ease.

Character Strength #19

Hope, optimism, and future-mindedness
You expect the best in the future, and you work to achieve it. You believe that the future is something that you can control.

Character Strength #20

Modesty and humility
You do not seek the spotlight, preferring to let your accomplishments speak for themselves. You do not regard yourself as special, and others recognize and value your modesty.

Character Strength #21

Zest, enthusiasm, and energy
Regardless of what you do, you approach it with excitement and energy. You never do anything halfway or halfheartedly. For you, life is an adventure.

Character Strength #22

Spirituality, sense of purpose, and faith
You have strong and coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe. You know where you fit in the larger scheme. Your beliefs shape your actions and are a source of comfort to you.

Character Strength #23

Self-control and self-regulation
You self-consciously regulate what you feel and what you do. You are a disciplined person. You are in control of your appetites and your emotions, not vice versa.

Character Strength #24

Gratitude
You are aware of the good things that happen to you, and you never take them for granted. Your friends and family members know that you are a grateful person because you always take the time to express your thanks.

omg omg!! cheryl nott spends less than me!! damn...

cannot.. must start counting my money.. grr..

life is so unpredictable..

one min i was so hungry that i had to hunt high and low to cook half boiled eggs.. next min i have a plate of chicken wings in front of me.. and now i have become fatter than ever

if you are interested in beauty tips.. i have a link on the right hand side of my blog..

i am in the process of translating it from traditional chinese to english for the benefit of my body and ppl who can't read them..

ps. sharon.. it's wordpress.. you might be interested.. hahahha.. u can surfer it.. don't you just love me? hahahaha

everyday is a new beginning...

a nice quote but seldom practiced by ppl...

to me.. everyday is a repetition.. been doing the same thing day in day out for the past few months.. sometimes interspersed with sudden whims that come out from no where.. totally unproductive.. every now and then i feel like breaking out of this cycle but never once did i succeed.. thus been stuck in this mud for quite some time..

hmm.. i have decided that it's a phase that i have to go thru.. a phase filled with procrastinations and laziness.. a period of wasting my life away..

today... i have decided to end that phase.. and move on to have a more purposeful and enriching lifestyle.. no more wasting my time away..

a new beginnning.. i guess..

omg.. i missed another show... faint faint faint.. sammi cheng's new movie.. shit.. wat's wrong with me.. need to watch tv more often.. seem to be missing alot of movies..

____

i think andy hui is the closest thing to a handsome looking small eyed guy..

still don't like small eyes..

____

julian cheung aka chilam aka anita yuen's hubby is my kind of shuai ge..

____

why am i ogling at guys now... hmm... i'm a very very late bloomer.. wahahhaa.. oh well..

interesting.. seems like ppl like to read my blog on sun nights.. hahaha.. got trend sia..

anyway... happily watching alot of talk shows these few days.. very entertaining.. catching up on my idolising phase that i had missed out when i was in my teens.. hahahaha..

who wants to watch 'carrot cake'? mon.. vivo!

AHHHH!!!!! why i didn't go and watch 12 lotus... faint... why guan heng never tell me got sun yan zi.. sigh..

on another note.. check out the cartoons here.. funny.. especially the maths ones...
http://www.sciencecartoonsplus.com/pages/gallery.php

haha.. particularly like the one that is shown when u enter the web.. reminds me of all my friends who can't do maths..




and then a miracle happens, thus the answer is this..

argh.. just when i finished changing my clothes to go out it starts to rain..

i need to buy groceries, update bank book, return n borrow lib books..

stop raining!



_____30mins later________
hungry... want to buy things to cook.. the rain doesn't seem to want to go away.. grrrr...


____another 30mins later___

AH!!!!!! i was too slow at filling up the form... it was reset-ed.. ah!!!!!!!!! must fill in the form again!!! faint faint faint...


and it's still raining... sigh..

OMG.. submitting applications to ministries and gov related orgs are so tedious... gosh..

can't they just let me attach my resume in it???? isn't that wat resumes are for? faint... i've to retype/re-enter all my details cos their application process demands it.. hmm.. maybe it is to test who is the most determined to apply for those jobs.. hahah.. can spend half an hr on each ah...

i shall stop ranting.. otherwise if potential above mentioned orgs decide to snoop around to find my blog.. haha.. die.. oh well..

"The face is like the penis!" -Silvan Tomkins




hahahhahahhaha.. sorry.. erm.. to find out more about that above comment.. read Blink by Malcolm Gladwell..


also.. u can try this www.implicit.harvard.edu quite find to play around with.. see if ur unconscious attitudes matches your conscious ones...

'What's fun in life is knowing u are not gd at something and then making urself gd at it'
- Lesley Stahl

ahhh... for someone who don't experience too much emotions... dictionary of emotions is so interesting.. can try out the feelings also.. so fun..

http://www.surfyoursoul.com/dictionary.htm

ahhhhh.... woke up at 7.30am.. can't seem to sleep much...

there's a sense of uneasiness around me.. hmmm... i wonder why..

---
must rem not to leave house when i have cramps.. 1-3hrs cramps.. should just let it pass first hor? haha.. almost died yesterday.. walking around like that..

but i guess compared to the rest of the woman.. i'm lucky to kenna cramps for only one day and less than 3hrs.. haha..

----
need sleep.. argh...

went to sch to pass nabs his present~.. happy bdae nabs! haaha if u see this in time.. u are so gg to kill me for announcing it right.. wahahahah... no worries.. ppl who read my blog already know when's ur bdae.. hehe

anyways... went to munchies for some dessert with robot.. managed to get tiramisu!!! haha.. but hor.. i think it's not as nice as spageddies'.. i think robot was quite amused that i was totally having a monologue with myself while we waited for our dessert to come... hahahaha.. i was talking nonstop regardless whether there was a reply from her or not... and like.. we really waited a long long time for the dessert.. she almost die-d of waiting.. she was so amused that she was asking me how long has it been since i had last spoken to ppl... hahahha..

it got me thinking.. but all i could recall was.... last saturday i spoke to like nott when i met her for kfc and my jc class at the gathering... last fri evening with sharon.. hmmm... last thursday... nott's house... last wed... hmmm... nott again... erm.. i think i better stop recalling... this line of thot is a little disturbing...

changing topic... haha.. i think i said alot of weird stuff at the table too.. hahaha... was telling nabs i don't want to teach cos i don't want to die an old maid.. hahha.. and like... guy teachers are.. erm.. chotto hen desu ne.. so like nabs was helping me find jobs that i can meet more guys.. hahaha... many funny suggestions came up... but i still think must find job that has higher attrition rates.. hahah.. then can get to see new guys every now and then.. erm.. hmm... ok.. ignore me..

enuf of randomness.. i need to find job soon or might just go mad..

last thing.. this jap show very nice! shinigami no ballad.. on crunchyroll and mysoju.. even though it's about death... very very nice.. i not morbid k..

scam alert!!

this is scary.. someone called my house today and told my ma that i was kidnapped... the weird thing is that person actually impersonated me and was asking my ma to save her..

so.. yar... better tell ur parents that there is this kind of scam gg on hor... just in case they get scared or worried... and rem to ans ur parents calls and smses so that they won't be worried..

sometimes watching japanese drama is so irritating.. their translation sucks..

----
today i went grocery shopping with the red trolleys that u see grandmother carry when they go to the market...

i feel like an obasan...

ARGHH!!!!!! so irritated... i seriously cannot understand what goes thru my father's head..

my father's decree: i have to go down to my grandma's to help take care of her everyday unless i have things to do..

firstly.. my grandma don't need help.. not much, at least.. she is not an invalid... i don't have to feed her, don't have to hold on to her to make sure she can move from one place to another..

secondly.. even if there are things to do like mop floor or wat.. they don't let me do it!! my aunt won't allow me to help.. my grandma will take the task from me and do..

lastly.. how is it TAKING CARE of my grandma when my mere presence will make her want to find food for me to eat, bring things for me to drink and come in to the room to check if i'm ok???!!!!!

even if i insist on helping around the house, i'm denied of it... even when i tell my grandma i don't want anything, she will still bring me things... her want to take care of me is so great that i can't do anything to help...

can't my thick skulled father understand this??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

finally cleared my things out from the school.. nothing more to go back for.. it had a feeling of finality.. i have nothing more to do with the place that i spent 4yrs plus in..

letting go.. easy to say, hard to achieve.. but the first step is always walking away.. and then the feelings will slowly fade.. forgetting is an inbuilt mechanism that helps human beings cope with the ever changing world.. allowing them to move on...

-----
i seem to be stuck... the feeling of being in between places, time and space.. can't seem to step out of it for i know not where to go.. i am lost... not knowing my role in this world.. not knowing my worth..

i need a beacon...

----
something more light hearted in case my troublesome cousins say that i'm emo-ing again... haha...

i went for a walk today... 3.5km.. all the way from jurong east mrt station to clementi mrt station.. wanted to walk all the way to nus but.... due to my lousy choice of footwear for walking.. had to stop at clementi cos i was developing blisters on my toes.. so yes.. never wear slippers for long walks.. and, pt of info.. it takes 40mins to walk 3.5km..

u might be asking why the sudden interest in walking.. well... been cooped up in the house for too long, to the pt that my dad is worried that i might develop depression or something.... and like yar.. was watching 'supersize me', seeing the amt of macs the person ate and all the obese ppl walking around in the film made me think that i should like be healthier and do some exercise..

still feel like cycling though... anyone up for it?

Perfect - Simple Plan
Hey Dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according
To plan?
Do you think I’m wasting
My time doing things I
Wanna do?
But it hurts when you
Disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can’t pretend that
I’m alright
And you can’t change me

‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be
My hero?
All the days
You spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don’t
Care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can’t stand another fight
And nothing’ alright

‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect

Nothing’s gonna change
The things that you said
Nothing’s gonna make this
Right again
Please don’t turn your back
I can’t believe it’s hard
Just to talk to you
But you don’t understand

‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect

‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect

My Happiness - Wo de kuai le - 我的快樂

徘了徊了走了 错了哭了痛了
累了倦了困了 烦的乱的冷的
都是真的

疯的想的念的 不安的焦虑的
复杂的梦过的 拥有的失去的
怎么忘呢

你坐过的沙发宽了 你爱的音乐停了
我等着你等成了 摆设

我的你的他的 好的坏的难的
灰的蓝的黄的 酸的甜的苦的
都还记得

非常想遗忘的 绝对不能忘的
我想要换你了 真的不想要了
只得放了

环岛的火车载着我第几天了
忽然发现这一刻我不想你了

我的快乐 会回来的
只要清楚曾爱得那么深刻
不准问值不值得

我的快乐 会回来的
离开不是谁给了谁的选择

我的快乐 会回来的
只要清楚曾爱得那么深刻
不准问值不值得

我的快乐 会回来的
离开不是谁给了谁的选择

我的快乐 会回来的
只要清楚曾爱得那么深刻
不准问值不值得

我的快乐 会回来的
离开不是你给了我的选择

疯的想的念的 不安的焦虑的
复杂的梦过的 拥有的失去的
怎么忘呢

非常想遗忘的 绝对不能忘的
我想要换你了 真的不行要了
只得放了
放了~~~
忘了~~~

can't seem to fall asleep nowadays.. not good..

haha.. maybe i should take sharon's suggestion... maybe..

home-cooked food.. don't know why but i've always loved it more than any delicious food i can buy outside..

maybe it's the familiar taste.. or maybe it's the warmth i feel eating them.. or the thot that ppl put into cooking them..

i think u can almost bribe me to do anything with home-cooked food.. hahaha..

it's been a wk since i stepped down from society.. three days from 'work'..

it feels liberating to not be bounded by anything... letting go never seems to be my issue... it seems like anything goes...

i hope that the 3rd comm will have a wonderful year ahead.... and also hope that i get a job i love that i can develop into a career..

sigh... why do ppl have to be so hurtful and mean?

come on... it's just a game..

don't understand the world..

it's been a long time since i last used a pay phone.. think it was in sec sch...

i would have to say... trying to look for one and recalling how to use it was an interesting experience...

sometimes i think that i love life more without a handphone...

YEAH!!! found the first book of the series of "the last vampire" by christopher pike!!

but.. omg.. i have to find like part 2 - part 6... die..

i worry.. cos.. i know not wat else i can do..

hmm... i have a feeling that i can't describe... it's the same feeling i've felt during my graduation ceremony..

it's like a feeling of being in the wrong place.. or rather.. feeling like i don't belong.. almost like walking into someone else's house thinking it was my own.. but it wasn't..

it's as if i am 1 yr late.. late for my graduation... late from stepping down.. the ppl i hoped/expected to see were not there... cos.. i'm 1 yr late..

not that i'm unhappy with the ppl who shared (graduation) / will be sharing (stepping down from comm) these experiences with me... just that.. i don't know.. i feel displaced somewhat..

溏心風暴 - My Love Will Get You Home

lovely song...

my dad is finally allowing me to go overseas.. but whether i'll be going or not is a qn mark..

sigh.. oh well.. we shall see..

---
in another 11 days i will be out of comm... i hope i know how to function normally after that... 2yrs plus is a long time in comm.. it's been very much a part of me..

time to move on to another phase in life.. but of course, will definitely bring with me the experiences and skills to wherever i'm needed..

i don't know how long i can keep up the pretence.. i really need my sleep..

need to start getting a perm job..

resume.... argh.... hated thing...but.... need to do.. argh...

-----

seem to be running away from reality recently.. not good.. many things need to be done..

need to stop numbing myself with mindless activities...

though i would say bridge is not mindless at all.. but yar.. need to stop doing these non productive things..

Life and How to Survive It
Below is a speech to the graduating class of 2008 at NTU convocation ceremony last week by Adrian Tan, a litigation lawyer and the author of The Teenage Textbook. Read it! It's hilarious but very meaningful.

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on.. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan , and tied with San Marino . It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper..

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan 'Arbeit macht frei' was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it.. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.

You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

You’re going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there’s no life expectancy.

-----
why do ppl get such cool speeches for graduation and we don't???

oh well.. always need to remind myself that it's ok, i have graduated..

today is suay day.. kenna the weirdest calls..

---
i currently have a blue black tongue...

DO NOT bite too hard when u are chewing gum..

i never knew we can have blue black cos we bit our tongue....

my parents insist that i go see a doc...

---
they are renovating the lifts at my house.. think they are changing them to stop at every floor..

yes.. my flat is the old old kind... don't stop at every floor kind...

now... every time i go into the only available lift i feel like i've entered a non air condition room with a group of sweaty guys who didn't bathe for a few days...

i think i should like bring air freshener to spray in the lift..

they take 1yr to renovate one of the lift... that means... 2yrs of stinky lifts and noisy renovation... wish me luck man...

glad that i stay on the 6th floor.. at least i have the option of taking the stairs..

wonder how the 25th floor ppl stand the lift.. hope they don't suffocate..

my thots exactly..
-------

孙燕姿-关于
作词:阿管 al kuan
作曲composer :黄韵仁eric ng

我我的心里
住了一大群
吵闹的风笛

我想要旅行
没有目的地
单纯逃离

关于人们窃窃私语
笑容的真实
我并不想在意
关于生活的选择题
答案在风里
我想起了
一首歌的道理

我怎么定义
不想做决定
也没关系

关于爱不爱的问题
谎言的善意
我只想清干净
关于生命的是非题
答案在雨里
我只看见
淡灰色的风景

受过伤的记忆
一直都还没有痊愈
需要被隔离
需要更多的空气
我让自己相信
终于在长期折磨里
得到免疫

关于人们窃窃私语
笑容的真实
我并不想在意
关于生活的选择题
答案在风里
我想起了
一首歌的旋律

孙燕姿-漩涡
作词:小寒
作曲:李偲菘

总装着很有把握
不准爱渗入生活
才发现闯了祸
让你当真以为我的心上了锁
让你绝望地走
成全独立的我
好想捂住耳朵
不想不看不想听谁说
好想蹲在角落
把谴责的眼光都躲过

像个黑色漩涡
将我吞没
悔恨已逃不脱

我承认这都是我
感情事处理得不妥
从不说
我爱你
那么多

原来人可能脆弱
爱让我很难振作
我坐在最前座
人生第一次面对什么叫落寞
经历你这一走
最大傻瓜是我

我不要谁好心帮我
每个人像在隔岸观火
看我犯错
提醒我说
都是我的错
提醒我说
逼你离开我

就算同情是条绳索
我也没办法伸出双手
拯救自己(除了你)
除非是你(拯救我)
肯回头(为了我)
扭转这个结果

---
maybe.. some day..

shit is falling from the sky again.. argh..

hope i don't die from it..

everything seem to be gg down hill..


argh.. inefficienct.. cannot stand.. i don't seem to be doing things right... many things not settled.. procrastinating.. argh!!!

i want to disappear..

sometimes i wonder why ppl live to take this kind of shit day in and day out..

i myself am sick and tired..

my pri sch friends believe i'll achieve great things in life..

i wish i have that much faith in myself..

hmm.. don't feel like working..

ah... hardwork hardwork..

bopian.. need to work..

i miss the carefree days..

i need to find a job that i would wake up and look forward to doing..

OMG!!!!! i actually thot that today was tues!!!

fainted... i really really thot it was tues.. from the time i woke up till just now... if it wasn't for my ma asking me why am i gg to work tmr when tmr is thurs... i would have woken up tmr at 7.30am to prepare to go for work...

ok.. i have officially gone kuku.. think too much for the pass few days.. today wat day also don't know..

still in disbelief..

someone.. pls HIRE ME!!

haha.. not like some boss is reading my blog..

ah well...


today didn't go as planned.. ends up that chelsea was not the trainer today but she had to sit in.. which equates to her not being able to let the class out at 3.30pm.. and her having to sneak out to 'fill water bottle'.. haha.. so sec sch/jc... hard to expect working adults also use the same trick..

so i ending up gg back home pretty early..

managed to finish another drama.. my life seems to revolve around dramas, work, eat, sleep..

never knew i could be this boring.. haha

even though today's calls were quite sucky.. i am happy today.. thanks to my 3 angel in the green co..

i got to catch charlene (my trainer when i was still a greenie) as she was gg for her lunch break and whined A BIT about work to her.. she's so cute.. haha.. felt alittle stupid for whining cos i sound like some spoilt brat who had never worked before and whining cos of some small stuff that i've encountered.. i still think she reminds me alot of eil.. haha.. even the chinese.. ahahaha..

jen popped by today and was ever so kind to offer help and advice.. i miss having this team leader around.. too bad she move to the other team.. hope she comes back soon!

after unofficial working hrs.. popped by downstairs to catch another of my trainer chelsea.. she's such a sweetheart.. never fail to make me laugh and offer me goodies that always piles up at her desk.. and tmr i'm crashing her training session!! haha.. imagine.. she told me that she'll get the new hires to go for break at 3.30pm cos that's the time i get off work, so that i can go in and find her.. muahaha.. i feel very da pai.. hehe..



and nott sounds super chirpy today.. don't know wat med she ate.. but felt good talking to her.. it seems like it's been a long time.. but the last we talked was like wat... hmm.. day 0 night of camp?

yes yes.. i miss u lar.. happy?


hmm.. why do i declare this kind of thing on my blog?

good thing not many ppl read this..

hmm.. yar...

----
i need to..
go for driving lessons
pack my table and room
go for psych camp chalet
go for friend's bdae celebration
meet up with pri sch friends
call for main comm meeting
counsel myself out of this depressive i-don't-like-the shit-in-my-job mood
buy clothes/shoes/etc
finish reading the books i've bought/borrowed
think about want i want to do after my crazy stint at the green co ends
do some evaluation of self
distance myself from everything to get fresh new perspective
thank some ppl for the love and support this past few years..

and all i want is to..
not do anything and finish the above things that only require me to think..


i think i was meant to stay in the olden age where ppl can sit and think all day long..

i hate it when i'm not given enuf info and have to smoke my way thru.. ppl who took the effort and time to call in deserve better than this..

i really don't like to be squashed in the middle..

and i really really don't like customers who act nice but actually is very difficult to handle.. one would think that a screaming customer is harder to handle than a nice one.. but these NICE ppl either can never get wat u say(they just reiterate wat they want over and over and OVER again), don't want to get wat you are trying to say or gets wat u say but still wants it their way and not believe a single thing u tell them..

and i don't like the way i'm handling them either.. i really don't know how to deal with them.. i thought i would learn from ppl here but i realise.. they are too busy to help/don't want to help/don't know how to help/not skilled to handle/give advice on how to handle but advice a vague which only gives bottom line... once in awhile i manage to catch a team leader that gives good advice... but these few wks and prob the next few months... i think i'll be dying there..

the worst part is not about not being able to learn from ppl who have experience but the constant knowledge and fear that i am not that well equipped enuf to handle customers which might just lead to me creating a big enuf mistake that ppl will notice.. and then wat?


i'm sick and tired of this rubbish..


sometimes i think to myself.. maybe i just need to think it thru, think about how to handle customers.. not everyone gets to be taught.. sometimes ppl just need to find it out themselves.. which makes me think about how cmi i am at thinking things thru on my own cos i have a very slow thinking speed for this kind of thing.. i am fast only if someone with experience/good qn-ing ability to talk to me.. my brain needs to be pushed and shown at least once how to do things.. i can think of more ways if i'm shown the way it is done and the rational behind them...

i don't know.. i'm not a quitter and i don't like to be one.. i really don't want to be one..

i'm not very good company nowadays..

self-sufficient... self-absorbed?


------
my bro is gg army today.. how am i suppose to feel?

sigh..

the urge to run is high.. but when rationality sets in.. all seems well... but for how long?

i need a guide to show me my way...

i have not yet found the reason..

to be thanked.. is something nice to have but not necessary for me...

wat i did not expected was to be scolded... i was quite indignant..

but.. after recovering from the feeling of being.. i dont know how to describe the feeling... just quite upsetting for me lar.. i do agree that i deserved it..

if you have asked me would i had done wat i did if it were a year or two ago, i would tell you it's not possible..

maybe i've really changed alot the past few years.. i don't quite recognise myself anymore..

it's not easy to deal w a sudden attack of an identity crisis when u are lacking sleep and had just blurted out an emotional speech..

so i left for a walk.. and i guess it worked.. felt alot better.. but there's still alot to think about..

linyen is the best.. i wonder how she does it..

something i can never do...

i'm too self-centred to care for everyone and anyone..

it's very sad when u have the inability to be surprised..


well.. it's the thot that counts.. thanks everyone for last night..

no thanks for the choice of flavor... hahaha... pls.. if ever in doubt.. buy choc... it never goes wrong..

big thanks to my cousins geok and kaili for the nice dinner meet up we had today..

i wanna go on a trip... nz ok? hahaha... quick finish ur o levels...

maybe it's self fulfilling prophecy but... today sucked..

flight vs fight.. natural responses in a human being..

i've never been much a fighter... sigh..

been trying to run away from weds but to no avail...

i just wish that i could skip pass this wk.. i don't want to do anything..

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

time pass so fast.. it's been 5wks since i started work.. for those who don't know.. i am working in the green co.. hahaha.. shan't be too obvious.. i signed letter of confidentiality.. don't want to be sued..


ok.. first thing first.. i'm going to change my phone name!!! haha.. hehe.. so.. no more amber.. now u all won't know is wat liao.. hehehehhehe..

so.. wat have i been doing for the past 5 wks..

i have been.... mugging!! unbelievable right.. me and mug like shouldn't appear in the same sentence.. but yes... i've been mugging very hard everyday for the past 5wks... need to memorize products... processes... operations stuff.. procedures... every one or two days i'll get a test... and all test must score above 85%... so yar.. quite siong..

but it was a fun 5wks.. my 'classmates' are very fun loving.. the trainers are very friendly and helpful.. i like the ppl there.. lessons are always full of laughter and joy.. and we all stress together.. haha..

i wish that training would be longer.. but.. bopian.. cannot change.. now we have all 'graduated' from training and have all started to pick up calls..

there's one thing i want to say.. ppl who provide services thru phone actually very poor thing one.. so do be nicer to them.. they want to help one.. don't shout at them k..

haha.. don't know is i heng or not heng.. haven't kenna shouting cust yet... hopefully won't get them all the way lar.. haha..

cust service quite fun... get to talk to alot of diff ppl... stats are siong to hit though... got quota to hit one.. must pick up min some calls /hr.. but ok lar.. i treat them as goals and targets to hit lor.. my trainers more anxious abt my stats than me... so kpo go and check.. i can only get wkly updates thru my team leader.. they can get updates everyday..

i just hope that i don't get weird calls again...

oh.. if any of u with the green co... can call me and ask me qns lor.. if u have any.. i'm glad to be of service.. or like u want to know latest promo or how to maximise ur privileges also can ask me lar..

ok.. enuf said.. my singlish quite perfected liao... argh.. cmi... where did my eng go... bopian.. have to type short form and short grammatically wrong sentences for all my reports..... sacrifice structure for speed... now become like rojak..

okok.. update another time... actually still got alot to blog about.. but.. quite late liao.. need to go do other stuff..

till the next time..

it is rather disturbing to find myself looking thru my sms inbox to reply ppl whom have msged me for the pass wk or so but i have yet to reply..

it has been a hectic 3 wks.. will update after a breather..

haha.. yx.... soon soon.. i need to finish training first.. alot of tests to study for... will blog after they are over..

i was chatting with our dear bimbo queen about some common friend declaring himself as gay on april fools day.. and she commented this..

she said:
hahaha and i think the biggest one (joke) would be to tell me ur attached
(ok dun kill me)



i that bad meh?

haha.. but to think of it.. it would really be quite the april fools joke if i manage to pull it off..

hmm... idea sia.. ahahahhahaha..

damn.. i broke the friendship magnet that we bought at the bazaar..

is it a bad omen?

it's been almost six months... and i think i still wish that it was a stupid joke gone wrong..

april fools have come and passed... yet... no one came up to me and say 'april fools.. u've been had..'

i suppose i have to do something about it... i hate loose ends... and i still rem how i felt about not tying up the last one.. still haunts me till today.. and it has been wat? five? almost six yrs?

i don't want to have to go about avoiding a person again cos i can't bring myself to tie up a loose end... if i don't break this bad habit of running away when i don't want to deal with things, i fear i'll be a fugitive my whole life.. running away from things i don't dare to deal with..

i need courage.. but i'm not sure there is any to begin with to summon it..



gosh... i'm so useless..

something from a book that i've just read:

Life can be so good if you let it. But you must trade with life. You give something and you get something, then u give something of yourself again and you receive something again.

Life goes bad when people try to take from it without giving. Then they come away empty-handed, and they grab harder and more often, growing more disappointed and disillusioned each time.

____
how often have we taken and not give a thot about giving?

many times did we just think about wat we want from a person/organization/institution without sparing a thot as to wat can we give?

life don't just change cos u want something or complain about it... life changes when u do something about it.. see to the change...

the whole bus interchange blackout on me... even the street lamps at the bus parking space were out..

good thing it's me.. imagine shar being there... she will totally freak out..

i know i should be preparing to go to sch and that there's alot of other things to do but.. haha.. i happen to be surfing the net and i stumbled upon a forum that's discussing a very interesting qn.. a qn that shar would like to know the ans to..


Below is an edited version of the whole thread...

What is the real difference between being friends and being a couple? I'm not asking what is different about being a coupe vs friends but what differences lead to either one. Is it love? If so what does that even mean? Or is the only difference between good friends and a couples sexual attraction? Or is it something more?

I've never had a girlfriend or any good girl friends.
I have many good guy friends, I really like them, could I say I love them? I would do just about anything for them and trust them with my life. Though I have no sexual attraction to them. So is having a girlfriend like that except there is sexual attraction?


There is more to being in a relationship than just being freinds who have sex.
There is an extra element... its indescribable... but its best summed up by "commitment and passion".

I think being a couple is essentially being good friends, having sex, and romantic love, which usually proceeds from the other two.

The love you have for your guy friends isn't quite the same. It is similar, but the sexual attraction does play a major role.

I sometimes wonder if romantic love is just our psychological/cultural way of dealing with lust, but that's another discussion altogether.

the real difference between all types of relationships, professional, business, friends, intimate, romatic.... etc... etc...

EXPECTATIONS...

intensity of your relationship depends on that... thus the end result... depends on that as well.... joy, happiness, pain or sadness, etc.... are the end results...

you have different expectations from a friend than when he/she is your bf/gf... so your reactions to the end result will be different...

example.. you don't have a right to be jealous when your friend sees someone else or cancel your plan with her/him... you can be jealous-ed but you can't show that to him/her... but if she/he is your gf/bf... you'll be mad on top of your head...

The most tangible difference is the sex. The hardest difference to describe is the love.

If you aren't getting sex though, you are just "great friends" and are free to sleep with whomever you please. Unless you are head over heels in love (hence, difficult to describe) don't remain more than friends with someone who doesn't give you sex. Trust me.

____________
opinions from different ppl...

the whole convo reminded me of the time at starbucks in vivo where me, nott and nanana had a similar convo about this topic...

i still stand by my view that sexual attraction is a big factor in r/s that go beyond friendship..

i think with that i can safely say i'm sorry to all non heterosexuals that are out there who have a crush on me (not like there are anyone who has a crush on me.. but still, i sometimes also like to think of myself as queen of the world..), this gal here not attracted to gals in any physical way... so shar... stop qn-ing my orientation... hahaa...

well.. the last line was the main pt.. ahahhahaha.. oh yar.. and i hope the thread i posted gives u something to think about..

"Fall To Pieces" - Avril Lavigne

I looked away
Then I look back at you
You try to say
The things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through

Make it through the fall
Make it through it all

[Chorus:]
And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you

You're the only one,
I'd be with till the end
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the stars
Back into your arms

[Chorus]

Wanna know who you are
Wanna know where to start
I wanna know what this means

Wanna know how you feel
Wanna know what is real
I wanna know everything, everything

[Chorus without last line]

[Chorus]

I'm in love with you
Cuz i'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you

Sarah McLachlan - Full of Grace

The winter here’s cold, and bitter
It’s chilled us to the bone
We haven’t seen the sun for weeks
To long too far from home
I feel just like I’m sinking
And I claw for solid ground
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go
If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love
So it’s better this way, I said
Having seen this place before
Where everything we said and did
Hurts us all the more
Its just that we stayed, too long
In the same old sickly skin
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go
If all of the strength
And all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love

-----

it's a song in last episode of buffy season 2... went to find it cos it's nice..

wat a nice surprise to discover that it's one of sarah mclachlan's song.. i've always liked her songs..

my gosh... another scandal has been created.. and i... am an innocent victim..

oh well... some harmless laughing would do some ppl good..

karma bah... who ask me to keep teasing ppl.. now i guess it's pay back time..



all i can say is that... words can easily be misinterpreted.. beware of wat u say...

my parents bought so much canned food that i almost thot that we are going to have a famine or something in sg...

i am so going to stay at home with my campbell soup, ham, cheese, egg, bread, maggie, longan, tuna, etc...

so unhealthy... but... i like..

i always seem to be at a lost when someone is in dire need of comforting..

maybe it stems from the fact that i'm not used to being comforted by ppl.. i self comfort.. if there's such a term..

who's better than the self to understand one's situation and know exactly wat needs to be 'said' to get one out of the doldrums, anger or hurt..

and half the time i find it tiring to explain to a kind friend who wants to help cheer me up.. cos some just couldn't get wat i'm trying to tell them.. or rather.. wat i hope they infer from wat i tell them..

everyone reacts differently to different situations and have different values and beliefs which leads them to different thots and opinions...

it's possible to predict a friend's reaction to an issue.. but it comes with a relatively deep understanding of the friend, some amount of guesswork and a little bit of luck.. it is never hundred percent accurate..

that's why i always opt for self healing... but of course, an occasional chat with friends about my issues tend to bring up some interesting new perspective to the issue which may lead me to resolving them quicker..

it's quite interesting listening to a group of old ppl talk about kids... how to raise them... abt the problems that they have with their kids... their perspectives give me a wider view abt being a parent, a sibling and a cousin...

the approaches range from plain old fashioned scoldings and punishments to reasoning and being a friend to the kid..

though opinions differ.. it was a good exchange of thots..


____

dont think i'll be aiding them with their preaching plans... but i might be able to help with being a friend to the kids..

sometimes kids just need ppl to talk to... to have someone listen to them.. someone to share their triumphs and worries..

time to look for a real job...

Inflexible Boundaries

Personal boundaries can become rigid and unyielding – like “walls” between you and others. If you have inflexible boundaries, you may:

• Fear being hurt, vulnerable, or taken advantage of.
• Have difficulty identifying your wants, needs and feelings.
• Say no if requests involve close interaction with others.
• Avoid intimacy by staying freakishly busy, picking fights, or avoiding people (fear of intimacy).
• Refuse to share personal information.
• Fear abandonment or suffocation, and avoid close relationships.
• Struggle with loneliness, low self-esteem, distrust, anger, and control.

Collapsed Boundaries

Personal boundaries can become weak or even nonexistent. The proverbial “doormat” has collapsed boundaries. If you have collapsed boundaries, you may:

• Say yes to all requests because you fear rejection and abandonment.
• Tolerate abuse or disrespectful treatment.
• Feel you deserve to be treated poorly.
• Avoid conflict.
• Have no sense of who you are or what you feel, need, want and think.
• Not see flaws or weaknesses in others.
• Focus on pleasing those around you.
• Take on the feelings of others.

Healthy Boundaries

Personal boundaries are evident and effective when you know who you are, and treat yourself and others with respect. If you have healthy boundaries, you may:

• Feel free to say yes or no without guilt, anger or fear.
• Refuse to tolerate abuse or disrespect.
• Know when a problem is yours or another person’s – and refuse to take on others’ problems.
• Have a strong sense of identity.
• Respect yourself.
• Share responsibility with others, and expect reciprocity in relationships.
• Feel freedom, security, peace, joy and confidence.

How do you set healthy boundaries? Setting healthy boundaries involves taking care of yourself and knowing what you like, need, want, and don’t want. The best time to set personal boundaries is before they’re being encroached upon.

_________

i think i really really like this website...

hahha..

7 signs of addictive relationships

1. Dishonesty. Neither Sam nor Debbie talks about who they are or what's really bothering them. They lie about what they want. This turns communication into an addictive relationship.
2. Unrealistic expectations. Both Sam and Debbie think the other will solve their self-esteem, body image, family, and existential problems. They believe the "right relationship" will make everything better. Yet, they're in a disastrous addictive relationship.
3. Instant gratification. Sam expects Debbie to be there for him whenever he needs her; he needs her to make him happy immediately. He's using her to make him feel good, and isn't relating to her as a partner or even a human being. She's a like drug. An addictive relationship drug.
4. Compulsive control. Debbie has to act a certain way, or Sam will threaten to leave her. Both feel pressure to stay in this addictive relationship; neither feel like they're together voluntarily.
5. Lack of trust. Neither partner trusts the other to be there when the chips are down. They don't believe the other really loves them, and they don't believe genuine caring or liking exists. At some level they know they're not in a healthy but rather in an addictive relationship.
6. Social isolation. Nobody else is invited into their relationship – not friends, family, or work acquaintances. People in addictive relationships want to be left alone.
7. Cycle of pain. Sam and Debbie are trapped in a cycle of pleasure, pain, disillusionment, blaming, and reconnection. The cycle repeats itself until one partner breaks free of the addictive relationship.

Addictive relationships can change, if both partners are self-aware and willing to do what it takes. In some cases an objective viewpoint (such as counseling) helps; other times, self-control and mutual accountability are all that's needed to turn the addictive relationship around.

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-psychology.suite101.com-

interesting browsing site..

ping pong session..

it's been a long time..

missed it..

-Equity Theory-
focuses upon a person’s perceptions of fairness with respect to a relationship. During a social exchange, an individual assesses the ratio of what is output from the relationship to what is input in the relationship, and also the ratio of what the other person in the relationship outputs from the relationship to what is input into the relationship.

it posits that if the person perceives that there is inequality, where either their output/input ratio is less than or greater than what they perceive as the output/input ratio of the other person in the relationship, then the person is likely to be distressed.

____

body..

i am distressed.. haha.. how? give incentive? ahahaha...

today's not my day..

sigh..

the busier i get.. the more i blog..

weird..

memories...

so easily triggered..

a date.. a place.. an action.. a smell.. a name..

haunting..

some u wish u'd forget.. others.. u wish to relive..

but.. we are powerless to decide..



i need to make new memories..

we shall see if overloading will erase old memories..

sometimes i hate it that our brain can keep so many things..

lucky for me.... i have quite a reliable forgetful-brain..

freaky friday.. nice show..

You
-are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.
-are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.
-may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.
-are friendly, charming, warm and gets along with almost everyone.
-work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You
-are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
-are solid, dependable, loyal, and people can count on you.

At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You
-are a seeker of knowledge, and have learned many things in your life.
-are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.

People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.

You
-are very charming... dangerously so, and have the potential to break a lot of hearts.
-know what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it.
-have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator!


You
-are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and have a lot of questions about life.
-tend to travel often, to fairly random locations.
-are most comfortable when you're far away from home.
-are quite passionate and easily tempted.

Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound.

It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You
-have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly.
-don't stick with any one thing for very long.
-have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time.

Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You
-are very intuitive and wise.
-understand the world better than most people.
-have a very active imagination and often get carried away with your thoughts.
-are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy, and sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You
-are deeply philosophical and thoughtful.
-tend to analyze every aspect of your life.
-are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted.
-value your time alone.

Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

Gemini: You'll realize a judgment you made was actually incorrect and that you should give someone another chance. .





i wonder who will it be..

dragging my leg around the house like a dead carcass is no fun..


i guess i'm not into pain..

无怨无悔

有谁能做到？

我的目标。。

my hands and legs are doing work.. but my mind seems to be wandering..

many things to do.. many things to think about.. but i've been staring at my com screen watching house md as if my life depended on it..

online shows are like narcotics.. lets me escape from the real world..

been on the run alot.. 2 seasons of house.. might just get brain damage from watching too much shows online..

time to face the world?

i don't know..